Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What unique stories do Sarah and Morgan discuss?
Here we go.
Here we go.
We're rolling.
Is this the first time you've gotten into Reddit? I have been on Reddit for things. I have been on Reddit for things. It's like nowhere else will tell you, like, is this water actually better than the other waters? You know what I mean? Yeah. You're like, well, why am I paying an extra dollar for this water? Or I'm like, is this vitamin not, is this a made up vitamin?
I feel like they all are. Yeah. Well, and then I learned I'm like a multivitamin doesn't work because you're supposed to take them. Because you're peeing it out or something? Well, there's something weird where it's like you have to take iron first, but if you take calcium before iron, then your body won't absorb the iron. Is that even true? I'm not a scientist.
Right. Oh, shoot.
Don't have that on the cards.
I'll go on Reddit for like, I like all the like, oh, you know, do sugar-free gummy bears make you like shit your pants kind of thing? They do. They do. They absolutely do. And sugar-free lifesavers. Apparently.
Yeah. I haven't gotten down that rabbit hole. Well, I've been down that rabbit hole.
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Chapter 2: How does Sarah react to a boyfriend wanting to close an open relationship?
There you go. So I guess it's more like product reviews, like class action lawsuit. Like, what are we like banding together against? Well, you have some fans on Reddit. I do. You do. You have... I would assume... Well, no, I don't want to infuriate a Reddit army, but I have a vision in my head of who's on Reddit. In my mind, they don't like me. Well, they do.
They actually, you've turned a lot of people back on to watching SNL. No. Yeah. Look at this. Look at this cute little picture they shared of you on the sub. And they just talk about some of your amazing skits, male and testing service, meatballs, Chucky, eyes. Okay. Eyes came up a lot. Thank you.
Glamgina.
Chapter 3: What happens when someone accidentally buys a box containing ashes?
Yes. They love your drunk raccoon. No. All of your roasts. Okay. You're just a versatile little queen, they say.
Well, the one thing I've seen about myself on Reddit against my will was my coworker, James Austin Johnson, shared on Twitter a Reddit thread. I opened for my friend, 10trickspointnever, who's an electronic musician who does all the like, he did the Marty Supreme soundtrack and whatever. Okay. And he's like my favorite musician ever. And I'm like his biggest fan. And he asked me to open for him.
And I'm like, so in my head, I'm like, He's my boy. He's a freak. All of his fans are freaks. And so I did this, like, crazy set opening for him. And I think I just didn't, like, prepare his audience for what I was... Okay. They didn't know that there was going to be a comedian all of a sudden. They were there for an electronic music show.
They were there, you know, they wanted to... They thought they were going to have a cool night. And I kind of uncooled the vibe. No! So James showed me this Reddit thread that was like, did anyone just see Sarah Squirm open for One O' Tricks Point Ever at the Paramount Theater? That was like... The most humiliating, like I was humiliated for, and it was viral. There was a lot of people talking.
And then James shared it being like, LOL, isn't this funny? And I was like, is it? I don't know.
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Chapter 4: How does a guy ask his friend's mom out?
I don't know about that. I love how you kind of like to make people squirm. Yes. Because it's Sarah Squirm Sherman.
Yeah.
It's like it's in the name.
It's in the name.
Have you legally changed yet?
I should.
You really should. What is your middle name? Sarah Nicole.
Sarah Nicole. There's a nice little Jewish girl from Long Island, Sarah Nicole. You could put squirm in there somewhere. Yeah, I could, I could.
But you really, you know, you embrace that in all of your stand-up and your new special that came out with HBO. Yep. Which, it's very squirmy.
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Chapter 5: What are the implications of a boyfriend wanting to feed his partner?
It's very squirmy. I wonder what Reddit would think about that.
That's a deep dive for another day.
That's a deep dive for another day.
But I've picked stories for you today that are just kind of like, you hear them and you just, all you can do is just kind of squirm. Oh, great, great, great.
Thank you.
They're just kind of uncomfortable. Cool. A little out there. Cool. And I think being, you know, the queen of squirm, you're going to have good takes on it. Oh, great. Okay, awesome. Okay, let's dive in. This episode of Two Hot Takes is presented by Credit Karma. You're on your phone constantly. Shouldn't those bills count towards your credit? With Credit Spark by Intuit Credit Karma, they do.
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Chapter 6: How does the conversation shift to discussing kinks and fetishes?
Not all lenders use TransUnion credit reports or scores impacted by Credit Spark. But if you're at or below 660 and looking to build credit history, download Credit Karma today and get the credit you deserve. Okay, up first for us here. This is coming from Am I the Asshole? It is titled, Am I the Asshole for not removing my doormat because it scares my neighbor's kid?
My wife and I, both 32, have been living at our apartment for four years and are both huge horror fans. We have had an art the clown doormat from Spirit Halloween for two years now. It's not a Halloween decoration. It's just what we like. Last month, around the beginning of April, we had some neighbors moving across from us. They have two kids.
One is a baby and one is maybe three or four years old. The first time we met them was a couple of days after they moved in. We were all bringing in groceries and I introduced myself, shook hands, all of that. The dad says, quote, still Halloween, huh? And I just laughed it off. Since then, we've come home four times to them flipping our doormat.
And we know it's them because we have a ring camera. We were fine letting them do it and just flipping it back until a couple of days ago when we caught them doing it in person. We asked what the issue was, and apparently their son is super afraid of it, even though the kid was right there and was acting completely fine. Not crying, not anything.
The only one that seemed agitated at all was the mom, who swore at us, rolled her eyes, and was just generally unpleasant. Haven't interacted with her much since. My wife waited until they were inside and then flipped it back over. Oh. Oh. We live on the fourth floor, so it was a very deliberate thing. My wife wants to report it to management, but I'm just tired about this.
I kind of want to throw it away, but I also want to keep it. I don't know.
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Chapter 7: What updates do the hosts share about the discussed scenarios?
I'm just confused, y'all.
This is interesting. I actually might have a hot take. Let's go. Images are really powerful. Art the clown is a very powerful symbol in the culture. I can imagine as a child, even though this person is claiming that it's more like the wife being a bitch about it, I can't imagine as a child seeing such a powerful image and being scared.
And if like my cool, like fucking badass dad flipped it over for me, I would be like, I would feel protected. It's just a very powerful image.
I'm kind of with you. I mean... It's like a public space because it's a hallway. Yeah. But like everyone does their own cute little mats. Yeah. But I guess like, have you, I didn't know who Art the Clown was.
Well, that's an amazing doormat. It's really cool. So if you saw that as a kid, you would pass away. That's the scariest thing. Well, and I love Art the Clown. Let me be frank. I've never, never met the guy. He, you would not want to be meeting him. Yeah. Yeah. And there's an interesting optical illusion. So I think you can put whatever you want outside of your apartment.
Just know that someone might be flipping it.
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Chapter 8: What final thoughts do Sarah and Morgan have on the topics covered?
I mean, I think the flip is fine. It's the throw.
It's the throw. That then went a little. I do live for a little neighbor drama.
Are you in New York? Yeah. Do you have neighbor drama?
No, I actually have neighbor like complete camaraderie and like familia pizza. Okay. I'm obsessed with all my neighbors, my downstairs neighbors. I made my best friend move downstairs for me. You struck gold. I know. And I love, like, I have, like, an 80-year-old neighbor that I'm always, like, checking in on being like, do you need help with groceries? And she's like, I'm fine. Like, stop.
Oh.
I know. You're cute. I'm a little bit cute. One time I was late for a work meeting and I was like, oh, sorry I'm late. I was helping my 80-year-old neighbor up the stairs with groceries and everyone was like, nice fucking lie. And I wasn't lying. You're like, no, that's genuine, you assholes. But I, like, as someone who loves Art the Clown, I just think if you're going to put art outside...
your door just know he's gonna get flipped or thrown and that's okay but like that's just it's just gonna get flipped and thrown yeah is OP the asshole though I'd probably lean towards no it's your doormat it's outside your door you're entitled to your little space there
When I was a kid, I read, I was addicted to Goosebumps and they would scare me, the books, but I was addicted. And there was one that scared me so bad. It was the mask where like the kid would put on a Halloween mask and become transformed, like literally like the somebody stop me, Jim Carrey style mask kind of. And it scared me so much that even the cover of it
I couldn't look at it, so I made my mom put it in a drawer in the house, and then I got so scared of the drawer in the house that I wouldn't even go in the room where the drawer was, which severely limited my options in my home. You just didn't want to get rid of the book?
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