Dr. Orna On The Biggest Mistake Couples Make

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What is the biggest mistake couples make before therapy?

Jordana Abraham 0:00
Hello, and welcome back to the Friday Feels episode of the You Up podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.
Jared Freed 0:07
And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. But it is especially good because we have a very special guest today. They are the, I would call you the host, but also the couples therapist on the show, Couples Therapy. And it's coming out to Showtime, the new season on May 15th. A real get for us. We've been trying forever. We're so happy to have her. Dr. Orna Goralnik, thank you for coming on the show.
Dr. Orna Guralnik 0:35
Cool. Thank you for inviting me.
Jared Freed 0:36
It's a pleasure. Thank you for doing this. How are you today? What's going on? What goes on in Dr. Orna's life?
Dr. Orna Guralnik 0:45
Today's a good day. Today's a good day.

How does 'agree to disagree' affect relationships?

Dr. Orna Guralnik 0:48
Yesterday was Mother's Day, which was really fun.
Jared Freed 0:51
Amazing.
Dr. Orna Guralnik 0:52
And I also handed in the final version of my book yesterday.
Jared Freed 0:57
That's a bigger day than Mother's Day, I gotta say.
Dr. Orna Guralnik 1:00
Yeah, it's a big day. That's a big day.
Jared Freed 1:03
You're on a show with a couple of people who've written books and that's a stressful time writing a book.
Jordana Abraham 1:07
Yeah, it was an intense two years. Yeah. And the book is like about like your experience in being a couples therapist.
Dr. Orna Guralnik 1:16
It's a book about relationships, about couples, the whole thing that we do, like coupling up.
Jordana Abraham 1:21
Right. And so obviously you're the couples therapist on the show Couples Therapy. But like how like how long have you been a therapist? Like what's your what's your background? What made you want to become a therapist? A therapist, did you only do couples or did you do individual too? Like I want to know the whole thing.
Jared Freed 1:39
And explain to us how much harder it is to write a book than it is to be a mother.
Dr. Orna Guralnik 1:45
Any other questions?

What are the signs that couples therapy is too early?

Jordana Abraham 1:47
Should I answer it all in one sentence?
Dr. Orna Guralnik 1:50
Under 30 seconds. No, I'm just kidding. I'm a therapist. I'm a psychoanalyst. So I see individual patients in analysis and I also see couples. And I've been a therapist for many years, probably longer than the two of you have been alive.
Jared Freed 2:06
You're 85 years old.
Jordana Abraham 2:07
Jared's pretty old.
Jared Freed 2:08
Holy shit.
Dr. Orna Guralnik 2:11
How old are you, Jared?
Jared Freed 2:13
I'm 65. No, I'm 41.
Dr. Orna Guralnik 2:17
I've been working for a long time. Oh, wow.
Jared Freed 2:20
I mean, you brought it up. I hope this is it. How old are you, Dr. Orna?
Dr. Orna Guralnik 2:24
You look great. I'm 62.

When is it officially too late for couples therapy?

Jared Freed 2:25
You're 62? 62 and rocking. Unbelievable. Wow. You don't get personal. You know, that's something that... That's pretty personal. That's very personal is your age. But I'm saying generally, though, like you don't... You have a kind of a policy. Why is that... What's the reason for the policy?
Dr. Orna Guralnik 2:44
First of all, is that like a well-known thing now in the industry?
Yeah.
Jared Freed 2:47
No, it was in our notes. I didn't know it until now. And I was like, holy shit, that's good. Because I just attacked someone for coming on our show and having a dating podcast and not revealing what they did for work. And I was like, it feels different to have a dating podcast where you're getting personal and not reveal what you do for work than it is to be a couples therapist and say, I'm not going to talk about my marriage. I can almost understand that. Yeah. But I wanted to hear what you had to say about it.
Dr. Orna Guralnik 3:11
It's interesting.

How can couples respect each other's differences?

Dr. Orna Guralnik 3:12
I had to go through a very long process of convincing the directors of the series for them to understand why it's important for me not to be a person with a lot of personality and personal details on the show. The idea is basically to allow my patients, whether it's on the show or my actual patients in my private practice, to have the freedom to not have to worry about me, not have to have my personal details on their mind when they're exploring their own stuff. It's basically to free up some space for people to... Just do their own work. You know, when you know a lot of details about another person, you start thinking about them, caring about them, being concerned. I want people to feel free to just like do what they need to do and for me to be their therapist.
Dr. Orna Guralnik 4:09
And refraining from kind of indulging with your personal life is a very important aspect of it.
Jordana Abraham 4:17
Okay. And then so is it strange for your clients, I guess? Patients. Is it strange for your patients to kind of like... be able to see you on TV while also, you know, like the ones who aren't on the show?

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