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Chapter 1: What modern dating frustrations do Ambyr and Lala discuss?
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All right, listen up. The Jonas Brothers here. Our podcast is called Hey Jonas. Since everyone has a podcast, we wanted to as well.
And we've had some incredible guests so far. And now our good friend Niall Horan is joining the show.
How's it going, boys? Hey, Niall. It's the same thing with Slow Hands. Slow Hands is not about anything else, really, is it? You know, our taste so good can't be about food.
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Chapter 2: How do women vet men in today's dating scene?
I'm growing my fucking hair out. Okay, tell us why. I'm over this, Bob. I don't know why because the wind fucking blew the wrong way today. That's how I feel. No, honestly, I just, I just want my long hair back. I do this all the time. Yeah, but how great that you can make, like if I cut my hair like that, I would have to dedicate five plus years to getting it past my shoulders again.
No, but I'm going to have to do the same thing. I'm loading up on vitamins as we speak. And if you have any suggestions. Do you take Nutrafol? Because I actually do swear by it. I've been taking it by the fistful. I have. And let me tell you what happened with Nutrafol. I feel like that particular vitamin made me break out. So I have to like take half the dose.
Like I think normally it says take four pills. I need to take half the... Yeah. Okay. Are you still on it? Oh, yeah. I fucking slam those things. All right. Neutral. Here I come. Because I still... I want a partnership. Yeah. Well, I have the postpartum still happening. And when I say still, it's, you know, so this is a year and a half. But like...
The way that it happens, which is why a lot of women are like, what the fuck is happening to my hair? Because it kind of happens later on, which is why I say you got to take the postpartum the moment that baby is born because you can breastfeed on it. But I've noticed that already like my, the areas where most of my shedding happened, which was along the hairline is like filling in.
So I don't know, just a thought. All right. And every time I get my hair done, my hair girls, are like your hair is night and day from like when you used to come in here and we would have to load your hair with extensions. Like now you can send me out. I could tell. I could totally tell. I see it. I see the difference. So whatever you're doing is working.
I clipped the hair in today because I was FaceTiming a boy. I'm out in these streets, Amber. No one is safe. And here's what's great is it's not just about fucking them now. It used to be where it was like, the guard is up, come in, get out.
Now I've conquered the art of the gray where I'm like, yes, I can go enjoy your time and your company and we can be intimate together, but I don't have to fully give my all to you. If that makes sense. And let's just see where it goes. You know, I'm open. I'm open. open for business I love that that's actually a really good place to be I particularly don't like being in the gray.
I'm like, are we or are we not? No, no, no, no, no. I don't like when a relationship is in the gray, but I as a human have to stop being so black or white. I have to say it's not either guard all the way down or guard all the way up. It's like, well, why don't you just take it a little slow? How about that? Mm-hmm. That's what I mean by the gray. But I'm with you.
I can't be in the gray with a relationship. Are you crazy? Question marks? I'm 35 with two fucking kids. No. I know. I know. I know. We don't like the gray. No, I don't. Or we're learning to live in the gray. We're learning to live in the gray. Doesn't mean we have to like it. No, but some things need to be defined.
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Chapter 3: What emotional spirals do they experience in relationships?
Like a relationship. 100%. And by the way, like, for me, if I'm dating someone, within like a matter of like three, four weeks... And we've been seeing each other consistently. It's like, bro, we're both off the dating apps. Like I'm not playing this game. Like I'm not playing this game.
We're not testing the waters because how could you fully get to know someone and really see if this person could be right for you? If you have all these other, you know, low hanging fruit or high hanging fruit. Yeah. Depending on the age, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, so you said four to six weeks consistently talking and seeing each other. At that point in time, you're off the apps. How do you go about it? The conversation looks like this. Hey, bro. I'm not interested. I really would like to get to know you without any distractions.
And I think it's time, like, where we could, like, for me anyways, that I want to be able to fully focus on you and see if this could amount to something. Mm-hmm. Because all you have to do is download the app back up, right? Like, I deleted my account. My account's... That's what I do. I delete my accounts, but it costs nothing. And it's just like, I'm so, I really am over the dating app.
So it works out best for me. That's my approach. It's not for everybody. And most people like to like, say and suggest other ways of doing it, but not like I really want to get to know someone. And by the way, whether it ends up being a great experience or bad experience, at least I know that I gave that person my full undivided attention to really get to know them.
And they may not be for me, right? We may not be compatible. We may not have the same values, but I'm not distracted. I get distracted and I don't want to be distracted. Well, I think it's just a slippery slope.
You know, when you are talking to someone, getting to know them, and then you've got your dating apps or you're sliding into the DMs, you can't fully give yourself to somebody because then there's a portion of your life that you are hiding and giving to someone else. And that's for me... going back to the gray, why I have to have something very defined.
And if someone says like, well, I don't really know what I want or I don't know what I want to do. It's like, well, then you have to go elsewhere. Like I can't sit around and wait for you to figure it out because at this stage in my life, I know what I want. I know if I want you or not. There's no, I don't know. It's either a fuck yes or it's a fuck no.
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Chapter 4: What red flags are they spotting on social media?
It's very intense and dramatic. I was going to say it's a little dramatic, which fits us clearly. There's this guy who, this other guy who I've started talking to, communicating with, and he had asked me... He had asked me on a coffee date, which you said in a previous episode, like take me to dinner. I don't want to get coffee.
I don't want to do any like there's something about a coffee date for me that I really like because it's at there. It's a coffee shop where the intent is to just kind of like sit down and go. But you also have the other side of it where people hang out at coffee shops all day long on their computers. Like it's not it's not weird if you leave quickly and it's not weird if you stay a long time.
You just feel it out. Right. You know, I agree. And maybe maybe that's where I was in that space at that time where I'm like, I want a fucking dinner. If you're going to take me out. But the guy that I've been seeing, we went on a coffee date and, you know, I led with. That's how you first that was the first time you guys linked up. Mm hmm.
Okay.
I said to myself, you're going in this, just can you see him as a friend? Like take the pressure off. Like, is he like a friend that you would want in your life? And that really helped. It like kind of just helped. Like he's also in the program. So that was really easy talking points for us to talk about sobriety. See, that is,
So then with dinner with a sober person, you don't have to worry about like them going and ordering like a bottle of wine or whatever it may be, because I'm still a little bit unclear if I want to lead, if I go out with someone like, oh, by the way, I don't drink because I'm sober. Or when someone says like, I'd love to grab a drink with you.
I never say, oh, I'm sober because technically I can go grab a drink with you. I drink all the time, constantly drinking. So like, do you lead with I'm a sober person? Like on your dating profile, does it say you're sober? No, it says, well, I actually don't even think, I don't know now because it's not on my phone anymore, but I do lead with, even in like a general setting, I live a sober life.
Unless we're talking emotionally. Yeah. Then I'm real fucked up. Ripping it daily. So let me tell you about this. I'm off. Off my rocker. Emotionally, I don't like to call it unstable. Emotionally drunk. It's unhinged. A little unhinged. I'm still trying to manage. So this guy, and he's so cute. He's so cute. So he asked me... He says, I've been thinking about you.
I would love to grab a coffee with you. I said, great. What's your schedule like? He said, well, I was going to ask you the same thing because your life seems chaotic. I was like, I will make the time. You just tell me when. Your life seems chaotic. I was like, that's very true. What sign did I give you that makes it seems chaotic? I don't know.
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Chapter 5: How do they define their worth in dating?
I don't have time for that. I got two kids. But then something as simple as let's play it by ear. I can't, I can't come back and be like, what does that mean? Should I make another plan? Okay. The way I hear it is like, I'm open and flexible. So just let me know. That's how I interpret that, a message like that. And I took it as you can't lock something. You can't lock it in. You ain't a closer.
Yeah, but you said, Lala, that you don't know when. I told him I wrap it this time. This is when I'm done. And then I'm free. Oh. And then he said, let's play it by ear. And I was like, play it by ear, buddy. I don't know what kind of lifestyle you live, but playing things by ear, that doesn't work in my world. I have a question. Did he know that you have children? Yeah, he knows I have kids.
Okay, well- We talked about it. Yeah, and I think that's the other thing. It's like when you have kids and it's a weekday and you're playing a bike, like we are on a schedule. We have bathtubs and dinner time. Like we can't just wake up at like seven o'clock and be like, okay, I'm ready to go. You know, take a little cat nap and I'm ready to go party for the night. That doesn't work that way.
No, I have kids I got to pick up. I have nannies that need to go home to their own children and I got to take over. Like I got the whole bit- However, I did say I will be done between 1.30 and 2.00. So then he repeats that to me. He's like, I said, let's play it by ear because you said you would be done between these two times. So I was saying, just let me know. And I'm like, okay.
He could have easily said like, okay, so let's just give us a little buffer. How about like three?
Let's make three.
I agree. Yeah. Like four o'clock. Why don't you go home and rest? You've had a long work day and then you could rally around four. Does that work for you? I don't know. Something like that. I just don't think. I think most men. Yeah. How old is he? Yeah. I think he's maybe 31, 32. Baby. They're all babies. I don't have one person that I'm talking to right now who is over the age of 32.
They're young, dumb, and full of cum, my love. Cum all over me. I don't even care. I'm sure they would be happy to. I'd be happy for them to. But here's the thing, Amber. I'm only, I'll be 36 this year. Is 32 really that big of a deal? Is that, that's not like young. No, 32 is not young, but it depends. I feel like geographically it could be young. That's LA. It's still young in LA.
I really truly. What about the South? Let's talk about the South. No, I think that in the South, you know what's up at 31. Really? Except, except. He's the exception, right? He is just bro-ing out. He's not ready for a real relationship.
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Chapter 6: What is their perspective on intimacy without full commitment?
He wasn't ready. No. Because his actions would have been different. I agree with you. I fully agree with you. You know, that's the other part, though. The sucks balls part? When you find someone who you're like head over heels for, and then it's all amazing until it isn't.
And then I'm the type of person and I surround myself with people who are like this, where it's a tight little circle and we all go and we vent and we're like, this is what he said. This is what they did. Now, even if it were on some off chance to work out, I'm like, Everyone around me hates you. I can't even bring you around. There's no redeeming yourself. No, that's not true.
Well, I mean, okay, here's the other thing that I hear what you're saying, right? It's like you could, it's really hard to go to your friends and bitch about your spouse or someone you're seeing because that's imprinted in now who he is, right? And who he represents in the world. I am trying to move differently in the world when it comes to relationships. Like how?
I'm not saying any... Like, I don't want to say anything to anyone. Like, I'll talk to you about it. But I don't want to bring anyone... The family. Into the family or just in general. The show that I'm not on. I just think... You have to go through ups and downs in your relationship because sometimes you're not going to be on the same page and you have to vent to somebody.
And it doesn't mean vent to everyone who will listen, but you have to have a safe space that you can go to to just melt down and talk about all the shit they're doing that you don't like or appreciate. And I think you pick that person based off of... You and I can come to each other because I do feel like it's a judgment-free zone.
I know what it's like to dig a guy and maybe not have it go the way you plan. I don't hold on to anything. I literally have two people... two people in my life right now, you being one of them, another one, a girlfriend in New York who no one knows, you know what I mean? She's a little bit older than me.
Just to get, like, I need that perspective and I need that, like, because again, I'm still learning how to navigate the waters
of dating and so I'm like is this a red flag or is this not a red flag or is this my dysregulated nervous system or is it not so I get that I definitely agree with you you need to have two people but it doesn't need to be announced to the world and like you don't also need to go on Instagram and like shout it to social media I don't think that I believe that a relationship can be really intimate but you do have to have a good sounding board I agree with you that's not an attorney
Oh my God. You know what I love on OFW, how I communicate with our ex. Now they put these like meters in. So when you write a message, it'll be like, Red alert. Like, that's not nice. You should have said it differently. So now I fuck around. I go and I'm like, I like let it like I'll type like really aggressive, like how I would say it in person.
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Chapter 7: How do they navigate communication in dating?
We're on a podcast where we share our thoughts. These are my fucking thoughts, Lala. But by the way, you had me at, he picks me up from the airport and parks the car. Uh, yeah. I know. I know. You had me there, babe. With flowers.
Okay.
OK, so I'm over here being like, hi, where are you? I was golfing. Fuck you. Golfing, fucking golfing. We've been doing every single day. That's the other thing. I cannot date anyone who's like obsessed with golf because I grew up a golfer. I know the amount of time it takes men fucking hide on the golf course. There's nothing good that men do. What do you mean? What do they do out there?
They're just dirt bags.
Let's be real.
And now I got to stay away from the men who like to golf as a hobby. The list of non-negotiables is becoming very long. I want him so busy when he's doing sports, like if he's playing tennis, that he doesn't have time to get on his phone and fuck around. You know what I mean? Yeah. Golfing. There's a lot of fucking around on the golf course. You're right.
There's a lot of lag time in between holes and I don't know. In between holes. You're right. I just can't take it. Anyways, I don't know. In the moment, it felt like it was going on forever. I didn't think I was going to live. I was scared. Terrified.
There was no anything inside those eyes. They turned black. It scared the hell out of me.
That was your first murder case? Yes, sir. Fair to say this was the biggest case of your career?
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Chapter 8: What insights do they share about emotional health and relationships?
Stay close.
Eres un caraca. Wow.
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No.
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The reason I asked about the social media aspect is do you... Like when you're on the dating app and it takes you to the Instagram profile, because some of them have that, right? Where you can click, it's like attached. Raya does, Hinge does not. Do you look at who they follow? I've just recently come across getting into the follow, who you're following.
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