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Chapter 1: What triggers anger in our daily lives?
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There was no anything inside those eyes. They turned black. It scared the hell out of me. Evil, wake up. I'm the one that saw the murder take place by Krivak and DePippo. Anthony DePippo showed no signs of remorse, appearing unfazed after being sentenced to the maximum. I said I'm not guilty. I'll take it to the grave.
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Chapter 2: How can we identify our anger styles?
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Hi, Amber. Hi, Lola. Welcome to an unlikely affair. Hey babes, it is Lala Kent with the human that I freaking need because she's become my emotional support companion. Hello, Amber. Hello. I was wondering if I was like an emotional support animal, like what's like your inner animal? I wonder what mine would be. Like you have like that toughness and then you have like that softness.
Like you're like... Maybe like a German shepherd because they're kind of kind but can be mean, right? Is that me or you? I feel like we're kind of both like that. You won't hurt my feelings. I guess an emotional support companion could be anything, like a chihuahua even. Maybe a more chihuahua. No, chihuahuas are not emotional support. I do not see that. You're like a koala bear.
Wow, so it can be anything? Any animal? Yeah, of course. Nothing's off limits. I need to think on yours. We played this game for the Valley After Show. Oh, did you? And we all had to pick what person was what animal. And I strictly went based off of looks. But isn't it crazy when people say you start to look like your dog after a certain amount of time?
And so now I can't unsee certain... So Jack, my dog that I had before he passed away, he was a white lab. Do I look like a white lab? You could give me white lab energy. See, my dog was a black lab golden retriever mix who was so soft. Wouldn't hurt a fly. But golden retrievers can be tough dogs, right? She was so sweet. I know. But then you have the pits. You have the pits in the house. Yeah.
Don't fuck around or you will find out. You will find out. I love that we're on this tangent of what animals we'd be because I had... A moment we both did of like, I wonder what our audience wants us to talk about. And we had such great questions come in that I didn't want to neglect any of them. But one of the top questions was anger.
Which was such an interesting one to come in during this time of my life. Because this person said, I am a Lala type hothead and I need to learn to express better like y'all. I'm like, well, when you figure that out, let me know. So there's 10 types of anger styles. Assertive uses anger as fuel for positive change, addresses needs directly without attacking others.
Behavioral, which is physical aggression. Chronic, which is resentment towards people, circumstances, or oneself. Judgmental. Righteous. triggered by perceived injustice, feels morally superior, can alienate others, overwhelmed, erupts when life feels out of control, signals that stress has exceeded coping capacity, passive-aggressive, we all know, retaliatory, instinctive revenge.
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Chapter 3: What are effective strategies for managing anger?
Wow. Wow, there's so much to talk about here. I think I have a little bit of all of these. Yeah, you know what? I think everybody does. Not the physical. Do you tend, like even when you drink, No, no. You know what it is, is for me, a lot of times my anger starts out like you've seen me very upset, but it is like rage.
And then within a matter of minutes, it turns into just like crying, like instant. Like I'll just start bawling my eyes out where I feel like some people that and I'm grateful that I have that. that type of anger because the other end would be you get so angry that you become, you know, violent or you throw things or you hit things. I've never experienced that.
I've seen it firsthand in other people, but I'm grateful that I don't have that anger because it's just not, it's not in me. I'm a cancer. I want love. I always feel like when the anger comes out of me, which is also something I need to work on. Let's just say like,
in relationships because like it's different I think when you argue with like your family because I think you know each other's deepest darkest wounds and sometimes it gets so heated that like you want to hurt and luckily you know there's unconditional love there where like if you can take a beat I think forgiveness at least in my family we can get through it but
But there are times where I can be very passive aggressive. Other times that I'll be engaged in an argument that I'm like, wow, I'm really proud of myself in this moment because I feel like this was productive. I explained all of my needs without attacking.
But my biggest thing is I would like to conquer the art of keeping my head where my feet are and not having my emotions be contingent on what the response is from the other person. And I also think that you have to recognize like, wow, I'm really angry right now.
Because if you don't recognize whatever that feeling of rage, anger is, your body takes over without like it, like you instantly want to start yelling or getting aggressive with someone. So I think it's like you have to recognize and that takes years of practice, like self reflection, and then learning to pause, which by the way, it's so funny. I was on side note.
I was talking to a boy yesterday, a boy. Well, what's the, what is the age of this boy? Why are you, why are you going to the age? Why do you go instantly to the age? Can you just say like, Oh, I'm happy. You called him a boy. Okay. A man. Sorry.
Sorry.
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Chapter 4: How does journaling help in processing emotions?
It was something to do with cheating. Here's the thing. When I see you get upset, and I don't know what happens on the television shows or the Valley or Vanderpump. I've only seen like a handful of clips. That's it. You have a good fucking reason to get pissed off. And sometimes, like myself, I think like the first one, what did it say? It's like useful anger as fuel for positive change. Yeah.
100%. When I'm being lazy about, say, going to the gym and exercising, and I'm having a hard time with either my mental health or my ADD is all over the place, sometimes I have to talk shit to myself. And maybe psychologists would say, oh, that's not nice. You have to be gentle with yourself. But I sometimes need to say...
you are acting like a piece of shit, you're not treating yourself right, or you fat ass, go to the gym, and you will feel better. Stop like looping in your head about, you don't feel good, but you know the solution, but you don't want to actually step forward and make the first step to relieve whatever you're feeling.
So sometimes, yeah, sometimes I, for me, I've learned, I get to a place where I have to talk shit to myself. I have been there. I was there last night, in the middle of the night. I was thinking about my day yesterday that was just mental breakdown. It was a mental breakdown. I don't know how else to put it.
Between having to deal with he whose name we shall not mention, and then, you know, concerned about my mom, and if this is the new norm. Because, you know, she's really struggling right now after the hip surgery. Well, I knew she was struggling, but... It's a lot. I had a mental breakdown. And last night, I just woke up in the middle of the night, like you and I do at times, in full panic.
And I'm like, we're going to get through this. How dare you look at your life and think, oh my God, life is just so hard right now. And put yourself into victim mode when there are people who are fighting for their lives. who are getting diagnosed with life altering diseases every single day, people who have lost their homes, their homes have burned.
Like I went down the rabbit hole of like people's homes have burned down and they've lost everything. Like you wouldn't be tough enough to handle that shit. You weak bitch. Yeah. But I think you have to let you, regardless of like, Someone else might be having a harder time in their life circumstances, maybe at a 10 when yours is at a three.
But the feelings are still the same of like, oh, my God, life is fucking overwhelming. I think by dismissing the feelings and telling yourself that like so-and-so down the street just got diagnosed with cancer or so-and-so has breast cancer and she has three little kids, like whatever it is.
I think you have to give yourself a little bit of permission just to be like, okay, life fucking sucks right now, but we're going to get through it. I could do hard things and it's going to go away. It's just this moment is just sucks. It sucks. I think it goes back to also practicing gratitude, right?
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Chapter 5: What role does gratitude play in emotional health?
Whatever it is, my kids are having a really hard time with their group of friends or I'm really angry and frustrated. I'm grateful that I'm feeling like I have self-pity because... I long for a romantic partner, like whatever it is. So you're supposed to be grateful for even the feelings that are not good, right? Feeling anxious, self-pity, stress, rage.
And then sometimes I get this pen and I rage journal and it is the most relief in the world. And by the way, as you're journaling, the things that come out sometimes, because you're not supposed to stop. Like, and you're not supposed to think about what you're writing. You're just supposed to write. And what actually comes out sometimes on paper is like, oh, that's what's really bothering me.
It's really cool. I'm actually really enjoying this exercise, but it's called make miracles in 40 days. So I'm on day like, I have 35 days left. Let's see what happens. Let's see what fucking miracles I can make. Hallelujah. You know what? Sometimes the miracle is just you feeling like you've got life for a moment. You know, I think we're all waiting for the big thing to happen.
Some great, big thing that's tangible. And sometimes it's like, no, the great thing that just happened was you became a little bit of a better person. You managed life a little bit better. And we don't measure success in that way. We measure success on our accomplishments, how much money it brought in. I don't know if that's just our society here in America, but it's exhausting.
I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel. And the thing is, I enjoy working. I enjoy providing. But I also... There are times where I'm like, this is just not, there's something internal that we're lacking. And it really did, I feel like it happened after that guy died. Where it threw me for a loop. I experienced a feeling.
Keep in mind, it was nothing more than a feeling that I had said for so long I didn't want or need. Because how can you want or need something that you don't even know what it is, right? And then you experience it. It then goes away and you're like, oh my God, I like that feeling. I want that. But it doesn't just like, it doesn't just come to you.
Like it's, it has to be, everything has to be working, right? The communication, the, what is it? The pheromones have to be just fucking.
Oh, the pheromones.
Don't even get me started on the pheromones. Oh, I didn't even know that was like a real, I think as I've gotten older and, That is a real thing. Like I know it is probably when you're younger and you subconsciously don't know, but no, you know, I have to say like hearing you say all this stuff, it makes me realize that moving to Montana has changed my perspective.
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Chapter 6: How can slowing down improve our responses to anger?
vacation with the kids for a week. And I was like, oh my God, that is a great idea. We should just go find a cabin in Yellowstone. Take the kids. It's like right now is the perfect time before it gets like absolutely insane. Like, you know, midsummer where there's like 4 million people going through Yellowstone. And let the kids see like moose and bears and baby cubs and the eagles and oh,
I want to do that. That would be fun. We are going to do that because that would be good for my soul. And you don't sound like a tree hugger. I quite literally turn into a tree hugger, especially when I'm pregnant. With Ocean, I went on this hike and I think I was six weeks pregnant with her in Utah. And I found this tree that just spoke to me and I just sat and hugged it.
And my mom took a photo. So this last time that I was pregnant with Sosa... We were in Joshua Tree and I found a Joshua Tree that spoke to me and I hugged it. Oh my gosh. Just to get centered and just to, you know, like feel grounded during creating a life. Wait, this is so crazy. I have to find this photo. Shut the fuck up. Do you do the same thing? Of me hugging a tree.
Wait a second, like two months ago. I have to find this photo and we'll pop it in and we'll post it on the social. I don't know. This is the craziest story. I'm hiking and... It was... This is where the scar came from, where it was really bad and I was slipping and I fell like two times. I saw this tree and I don't know what it was. I was like, I want to hug that tree.
Now I'm in the mountains in Montana. I could have picked any tree. I went and hugged this tree and this guy that I was hiking with... And by the way, let's pause for a second. When you hug a tree... there's something energetically that's like, wow, this is like rooted in mother nature. I don't know if you had that similar feeling, but it was so powerful.
So he took a picture, he turned around and he took a picture. On the other side of the tree, right where my hands, and I have the photo. Someone carved a big cross and I didn't see it because I was coming from behind the tree. Yeah. It was such a cool photo. And I was like, oh my gosh, I had to show you that photo. So when you said that, I was like, yeah, it's amazing.
So you need to get your ass out here. Yeah, I do. Because you can't find a tree that's worth hugging in Los Angeles.
No.
They're all fucking planted there. And pissed on probably. And peed on. It's like, ugh. I know. But you go to places like Montana, Utah, you're finding trees that have seen some shit. Oh, a hundred percent. Oh my God. I cannot wait to show you this photo. No, you have to find it. I will.
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Chapter 7: What are the toxic traits we need to be aware of?
You have to find it and send it into the pod. But yeah, my, here's the other thing with my anger. My anger is used as a defense mechanism to, for two things, two things. And this is my toxic trait. One of many. I'm not too proud to understand that my toxic traits are alive and well, and it is very fucking hard to break them.
When I get angry, if I really, really fuck with you, I've got to be really engaged, right? I could go down the list of all 10 of these because I'm going to hit every stop to get you to engage. Do you think it's about being heard, like hearing... Do you feel like when you get really angry and you start to see red, it's because the other person is not hearing you?
Like truly hearing what you're saying, seeing your perspective in the situation that's at play? Yeah. I feel unheard. I feel unseen. I feel gaslit. That's when I tap into... You know, maybe if my response is different, I'll get a different response from them, what I want. And that's the part of me that wants to control something, right? I want to control it.
The biggest part of the anger is that I'm trying to put up a defense mechanism So that you see me as angry because I'd rather you see me as angry than see me hurt. Because if I show you I'm hurt, now you may as well be seeing me fully naked, sobbing in the fetal position. Most vulnerable place I'll ever be in. Do you see vulnerability as a weakness? No.
Like when I look at other people, like when I see someone get angry, I'm like, they're hurt. I wish that they would just... say that they're hurt, we could have a productive conversation. But when it comes to me, I'm like, you won't let me see. I'm not going to let you see that side of me because then you're going to think I'm weak and I know how people treat weak people.
So now I've got to put 10 toes down and I've got to fuck you up and I need to leave you very wounded so you know who the fucking boss is. And then the guilt kicks in and it's like, that was all driven by ego. See, the alcoholic in me is still alive and well. Of course. You just took the, yeah. There are days I'm driven by my ego the whole fucking day.
And then you have to go into the grief of it all. And then you do a 10th step when you go to sleep. I'm telling you what, Amber. You know what? You're fine. I'm fine. Anyone out there experiencing grief or anger, sometimes you, it's okay to get fucking pissed. They're one in the same too.
It's like, yes, I feel guilty sometimes for getting angry at people who really deserve to have a freaking... I was going to go violent there for a second, but I paused. Do you see that? Let's pause. I love the pause. You're like, you need a bat to your head because you're clearly not hearing me. And I feel disrespected. And when I get disrespected, I'm pissed. Those moments...
I'm right there with you. Yeah. There are times where I have gone fucking toes and I'm like, you deserved it. You did this. I don't feel guilty about it. I don't feel shame. I'm going to sleep great tonight because I stand on every single word that I said. I feel like those people don't have my heart locked in.
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Chapter 8: How can we foster healthier communication in relationships?
When my heart is locked in, it is a different fucking ballgame. Yeah. I don't know where I am, what I'm doing. I'm just looking for the life raft. In the moment, it felt like it was going on forever. I didn't think I was going to live.
I was terrified. There was no anything inside those eyes. They turned black. It scared the hell out of me. That was your first murder case? Yes, sir. Fair to say this was the biggest case of your career? Yes, sir. Rape and murder of a 12-year-old child. Just as bad as it gets. I would think so. Anthony DePippo showed no signs of remorse, appearing unfazed after being sentenced to the maximum.
I said I'm not guilty. I'll take it to the grave. Listen to The Devil's Quarry on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to hear The Devil's Quarry ad-free with exclusive content, subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts.
Joy is essential and it's also elusive. You can't order it, you can't borrow it or simply hope it into life. But now there's a new and exciting way to start your journey toward a more joyful existence. Joy 101. It's a new podcast hosted by me, Hoda Kotb. Together, guys, we'll have meaningful conversations with the world's most fascinating people.
entertainment legends, sports icons, wellness experts, and everyday people will share how they find, allow, and experience joy. And I'll offer some of my own tips and takes on seeking a more balanced and harmonious life. If you're craving inspiration, support, and useful tools to maximize your joy, tune into these candid, uplifting, and moving on-air chats. Joy after a breakup.
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Last night, a blown call changed a game. This morning, the internet lost its mind. Highlights are trending, opinions are flying, and nobody's telling you exactly what happened. That's where Sports Slice comes in. I'm Timbo. Every episode, we're cutting through the noise, breaking down the plays, the controversies, and the stories behind the headlines.
We go straight to the source, the athletes themselves, their locker room stories, their reactions, the stuff nobody gets to hear. The laughs, the drama, the triumphs, the moments that never make the highlight reel. From viral moments to historic games, from buzzer beaters to controversial calls, we break it down, give you context, and ask the questions everybody wants answered.
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