Best Of: Our biggest learning of 2026 so far? Never EVER use the Hotel kettle
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Why should you never use a hotel kettle for anything other than water?
Oh. This is a global production.
Hello listeners. We're away at the moment. Vogue is off having her baba, welcoming that new child to the world, so here's a best off episode for you to enjoy.
Well, I can see you're in a hotel there. I saw these people. They're like make hotel ramen with me and they were making a fucking ramen in the kettle. Yes, I've seen that. We're doing that later. That's why I don't Juman says somebody washes their knickers in the kettle. So like I am allergic to I can't use like I wouldn't use that coffee machine because I think people are Like now I'm not blaming everybody, but like I think people are a bit gross and they do gross things to things that aren't theirs because they don't give a shit. Like, oh I'll just wash my knickers in the kettle, not being considered of the person after. I'm like Looking at those carpets, I'm like they're always a s uh carpets in hotels are always a strange colour because like it's this this carpet.
Some people go around rubbing their bums on them like cats. That's what I'm watching last night.
What weird things have guests been caught doing with hotel appliances?
This carpet is giving murder. This carpet is definitely giving a bit of like red rum. It's giving jizz stains. Okay. But no, you've just
reminded me that when I was in Barcelona there with the gals, I helped myself to a cup of coffee each morning in the hotel. So in the room. So now I'm thinking I had a Cup of coffee with some nick nicky bits.
I dunno. There's no I'd say the coffee machine's more snots or something like people are just I'm I am a like a spectacular hotel guest. I I like make my bed, like not fully, but like I make it properly back again. I put the towels in the corner, like all that kind of like you're I'm leaving that room and you're gonna be happy that you you were assigned to my bedroom. Yeah, I'd be like that too. Well, I don't know, about the cat rub bum rubbing, I re they won't be too pleased about that. They certainly will not. I've always wanted to get ready in a hotel room. Always. Because I'm here with the three kids and like wherever I am, they're all at me, at my feet, screaming, just like it's really it's like it's not a calming environment.
I just feel stressed anyway on a day like that. And and I went to the the Peninsula Hotel offered me to go and get ready there. Oh my god, it was so gorgeous. And I knew that they had this Chinese restaurant 'cause Spenny w had been to it. So Spenny ha went to this Chinese restaurant, um, which is part of the peninsula. with his sister and stuff and he said it was amazing. So I got I got a bit of Chinese food. What do you think? I got um kung pao chicken, dumplings, uh prawn fried rice. Jesus Christ. A couple of club sandwiches. Um the the chips were ten out of ten. Uh an open salmon sandwich. The club sandwich, when you get a good club sandwich, and I knew in a hotel like that, I knew they'd cut the crusts off.
I knew it I could tell. You know, and you're like, You're gonna go you're fancy little bitch, you're gonna cut the crust off. I once got a s club sandwich in a hotel that I was staying in and we all decided it felt like somebody had chewed up the chicken and It was like a paste. It was so gank. It was the worst club sandwich. I was it was such a bad club sandwich that I hadn't had one for ages. But you know, when you're like, I would like like the bacon in that club sandwich was like crisp like that bacon you see in America. It was just a fine. But you know that Club is an acronym for something. It is. What is it? Chicken and lettuce under
bacon.
I don't know if I believe that.
It is, yeah, they are saying it's an urban legend. I just heard someone say that on um
Dicky
Doki the other day.
Well, I just think hotels, like I I've always been the one that's like, I know I'll just go home. I wanna go home. I wanna go home. But I've really I think I've stepped into my hotel era. Like loads of people are like, How do you not love hotels? And I'm like, I just wanna go home. But like when I'm doing the St. Patrick's Day Grand Marshall, like they put the Grand Marshall up in the in the Marion and they're like, Mm, we know you prefer to go home, but we've held and I'm like
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
Why should you never use a hotel kettle for anything other than water?
0:00–1:04
2
What weird things have guests been caught doing with hotel appliances?
1:04–6:55
3
How do the hosts describe the experience of eating a club sandwich in a luxury London hotel?
6:55–11:21
4
What is the story behind the mysterious “blonde footie player” comparison?
11:21–26:38