Ep 262: Jerry Seinfeld

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What is the worst part of the podcast world?

Jerry Seinfeld 0:06
This is the worst part of the podcast world. What's that? It's just that you're set in a spot. You're like, you stay here. It's like a dog. Right. You sit. You stay here. Yeah. Right? In comedy, it's about freedom. You don't move a ton, though. Do you move a lot? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I guess you do. You told me to move more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's boring watching someone stand there. Sure. Oh, man.

How does freedom play a role in comedy?

Jerry Seinfeld 0:38
Wait for him. He's planted like a magnet on the ground. You gotta walk. Yeah. He doesn't walk. Really, it does keep them awake. I mean, I didn't at the beginning. When I first started playing theaters, I didn't. And then I realized, why am I not using this? It's a whole thing. I've got to use it. Look at Chris Rock. I mean, that guy never stops. Yeah, he's a stomper. That's cardio. He likes to march around.
Unknown 1:02
But that's why I hate Zoom. Do you ever do a Zoom gig? Who am I talking to? I don't know what you're doing.
I would not do that. No.
Jerry Seinfeld 1:08
He didn't have to compromise. Let's start with an introduction here of who's here. Oh, okay. So you know who's here. I think people know. Zoom gig. No, people did them. A lot of people did them. Leno did them. Wow.
Unknown 1:23
Yeah, I know. He's a psycho. I think... Did Gaffigan do them, too? I bet he did. Yeah. Yeah, but my point is you can't move.
Jerry Seinfeld 1:31
You're stuck on a screen.

What are the challenges of performing on Zoom?

Jerry Seinfeld 1:32
But we were so sick that we convinced ourselves it wasn't that bad during that time. Yeah.
Unknown 1:36
Right.
Jerry Seinfeld 1:36
I mean, I knew it was bad, but I was like, that wasn't that bad.
Unknown 1:39
Well, it was basically the crackhead digging at the bottom of the pipe. We're just trying to get some resin, some hit.
Jerry Seinfeld 1:45
I was on the first show back. You were the first comic on at Gotham. The first show back from COVID. Really? You were the first. You went on before the post because it was symbolic, I think. Wow, I don't remember that. Really? No, no, no. I didn't do a set that night. No, I just did a thing for money for Broadway. And he had some bill to get money for people, so I came in. I remember I didn't take the mask off. It was a bunch of people. Judah's still wearing a mask. That's true. Well, that's good. That tells you and informs you of what you've got. It's like the trucks with the big balls hanging in the back. Okay, I know who I'm dealing with here. Anti-Semite.
Unknown 2:36
Clearly. Yeah, I have this classic card. I want to put bumper stickers on it, but I don't want to be that guy. Why? What kind of bumper stickers? Well, just funny bumper stickers. People give me stuff. Funny bumper stickers. Yeah, the show. I want to put the podcast. This is breaking. Just funny bumper stickers. Are you really looking at bumper stickers? I'm a big bumper sticker guy.
Jerry Seinfeld 2:58
Old ones.
Unknown 2:59
Old ones, yeah. They're cool. But then I don't want to ruin the car, ruin the bumper.
Jerry Seinfeld 3:04
I just bought a 63 VW Beetle that has a Nixon's The One bumper sticker on it. See, that's cool. That is cool.

How do comedians handle the pressure of performance?

Jerry Seinfeld 3:12
Yeah, I mean, it's a real thing. Yeah. It's a real old, you know. But what would you get? What is funny? Tell me what's funny. No fat chicks.
Unknown 3:21
You know, something like that. Something fun. Boob inspector. Gas, grass, or ass.
Jerry Seinfeld 3:26
Yes. Nobody rides for free. Yeah. I don't even think I know any bumper stickers.
Unknown 3:30
Well, you're a Manhattanite. Yeah. No, bumper stickers were big. I lived on the highway in Louisiana. I was always on the highway. Oh, so there they are. So that's how you do it on this show.
Jerry Seinfeld 3:42
You got a Googler. Yes. Google Bitch, we call him. We had this. I first experienced this at DreamWorks in 2005 when I was making B-Movie. And it was still kind of a thing. And whatever we'd be talking about, they'd have somebody Googling it. Oh. But he didn't have a screen. He just kept turning it around. And we called him Swively Googler.
Yeah.
Unknown 4:07
Sounds like a Harry Potter guy. Well, now they turn the tip thing around. You see in this? I'm sure you got 20 minutes on the tip flip. You know that at Starbucks where they flip the screen and it says 18%, 20%, 25%?
Jerry Seinfeld 4:21
I saw one recently that was, I think, 25, 50, 75. Come on. 75?
Unknown 4:26
75.
Jerry Seinfeld 4:28
Yeah, it was insane. Where, in Dubai?
Unknown 4:31
Yeah. Come on. Yeah, everything's tipped now. Everything's tipped.
Jerry Seinfeld 4:36
The service has gotten worse. You know, anything, any goddamn thing where they get in, you cannot get them out.

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