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We Might Be Drunk

Ep 262: Jerry Seinfeld

15 Dec 2025

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is the worst part of the podcast world?

6.308 - 37.317 Jerry Seinfeld

This is the worst part of the podcast world. What's that? It's just that you're set in a spot. You're like, you stay here. It's like a dog. Right. You sit. You stay here. Yeah. Right? In comedy, it's about freedom. You don't move a ton, though. Do you move a lot? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I guess you do. You told me to move more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's boring watching someone stand there. Sure. Oh, man.

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Chapter 2: How does freedom play a role in comedy?

38.08 - 60.865 Jerry Seinfeld

Wait for him. He's planted like a magnet on the ground. You gotta walk. Yeah. He doesn't walk. Really, it does keep them awake. I mean, I didn't at the beginning. When I first started playing theaters, I didn't. And then I realized, why am I not using this? It's a whole thing. I've got to use it. Look at Chris Rock. I mean, that guy never stops. Yeah, he's a stomper. That's cardio.

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60.885 - 62.048 Jerry Seinfeld

He likes to march around.

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62.408 - 67.637 Unknown

But that's why I hate Zoom. Do you ever do a Zoom gig? Who am I talking to? I don't know what you're doing.

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67.657 - 68.298

I would not do that. No.

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68.598 - 83.777 Jerry Seinfeld

He didn't have to compromise. Let's start with an introduction here of who's here. Oh, okay. So you know who's here. I think people know. Zoom gig. No, people did them. A lot of people did them. Leno did them. Wow.

83.797 - 91.564 Unknown

Yeah, I know. He's a psycho. I think... Did Gaffigan do them, too? I bet he did. Yeah. Yeah, but my point is you can't move.

91.584 - 92.626 Jerry Seinfeld

You're stuck on a screen.

Chapter 3: What are the challenges of performing on Zoom?

92.646 - 96.351 Jerry Seinfeld

But we were so sick that we convinced ourselves it wasn't that bad during that time. Yeah.

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96.371 - 96.491 Unknown

Right.

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96.892 - 99.375 Jerry Seinfeld

I mean, I knew it was bad, but I was like, that wasn't that bad.

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99.395 - 105.103 Unknown

Well, it was basically the crackhead digging at the bottom of the pipe. We're just trying to get some resin, some hit.

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105.504 - 131.137 Jerry Seinfeld

I was on the first show back. You were the first comic on at Gotham. The first show back from COVID. Really? You were the first. You went on before the post because it was symbolic, I think. Wow, I don't remember that. Really? No, no, no. I didn't do a set that night. No, I just did a thing for money for Broadway. And he had some bill to get money for people, so I came in.

131.177 - 156.928 Jerry Seinfeld

I remember I didn't take the mask off. It was a bunch of people. Judah's still wearing a mask. That's true. Well, that's good. That tells you and informs you of what you've got. It's like the trucks with the big balls hanging in the back. Okay, I know who I'm dealing with here. Anti-Semite.

156.948 - 178.303 Unknown

Clearly. Yeah, I have this classic card. I want to put bumper stickers on it, but I don't want to be that guy. Why? What kind of bumper stickers? Well, just funny bumper stickers. People give me stuff. Funny bumper stickers. Yeah, the show. I want to put the podcast. This is breaking. Just funny bumper stickers. Are you really looking at bumper stickers? I'm a big bumper sticker guy.

178.443 - 179.044 Jerry Seinfeld

Old ones.

179.164 - 183.776 Unknown

Old ones, yeah. They're cool. But then I don't want to ruin the car, ruin the bumper.

Chapter 4: How do comedians handle the pressure of performance?

192.529 - 200.461 Jerry Seinfeld

Yeah, I mean, it's a real thing. Yeah. It's a real old, you know. But what would you get? What is funny? Tell me what's funny. No fat chicks.

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201.763 - 206.51 Unknown

You know, something like that. Something fun. Boob inspector. Gas, grass, or ass.

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206.53 - 210.599 Jerry Seinfeld

Yes. Nobody rides for free. Yeah. I don't even think I know any bumper stickers.

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210.679 - 221.772 Unknown

Well, you're a Manhattanite. Yeah. No, bumper stickers were big. I lived on the highway in Louisiana. I was always on the highway. Oh, so there they are. So that's how you do it on this show.

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222.072 - 246.066 Jerry Seinfeld

You got a Googler. Yes. Google Bitch, we call him. We had this. I first experienced this at DreamWorks in 2005 when I was making B-Movie. And it was still kind of a thing. And whatever we'd be talking about, they'd have somebody Googling it. Oh. But he didn't have a screen. He just kept turning it around. And we called him Swively Googler.

246.326 - 246.426

Yeah.

247.267 - 260.707 Unknown

Sounds like a Harry Potter guy. Well, now they turn the tip thing around. You see in this? I'm sure you got 20 minutes on the tip flip. You know that at Starbucks where they flip the screen and it says 18%, 20%, 25%?

261.228 - 266.135 Jerry Seinfeld

I saw one recently that was, I think, 25, 50, 75. Come on. 75?

266.175 - 268.038 Unknown

75.

Chapter 5: What insights does Jerry Seinfeld share about comedy and performance?

3090.208 - 3114.267 Jerry Seinfeld

Wow. Yeah, there's that look. It's so great. And the Alfa Romeo is so amazing. Duetto Spider. Dustin Hopp in the 60s and 70s, that run is insane. Insane. So many good movies. Yeah, yeah. Like, even somebody like Cowboy. Oh, my God. Here's an interesting bit about Lost in America, the great Albert Brooks film.

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3114.307 - 3115.449 Unknown

Is that the RV?

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3115.99 - 3143.279 Jerry Seinfeld

Yeah, that's the RV. when she loses the money in the casino, which I played it for my daughter, because it was one of my favorite movies and I wanted to show her all my favorite movies, and she said, it's pretty sad after she loses the money. And they knew that. And I talked to David Geffen about this, They said, we need a funny scene here in the back half of this movie where it's dying.

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3143.78 - 3157.159 Jerry Seinfeld

And so it was like six months after they had made it, they came up with the Gary Marshall, The Desert in His Heart scene and reshot it and plugged it in. So they had a funny scene in the back half of the movie.

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Chapter 6: How does Jerry Seinfeld view the physicality of comedy?

3157.179 - 3164.689 Jerry Seinfeld

Wow, you need a button. Yeah, because it was deadly after she loses the money. Did they focus test it or do you think they just watched it in a room? Probably just watched it.

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3165.37 - 3168.593 Unknown

Damn. He's a genius. I feel like he doesn't get his due.

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3169.033 - 3186.17 Jerry Seinfeld

Oh, yes, he does. You think so? Oh, he's idolized. I hope so. He's the greatest. Yeah, the documentary is good. I think this might mean super young people may not know because a lot of it's from 20, 30 years ago, but it is all great. It all still holds up. All great. Defending Your Life is incredible. Incredible. Rip Torn in that movie?

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3186.47 - 3187.07 Unknown

Oh, yeah.

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Chapter 7: What challenges do comedians face as they age?

3187.09 - 3190.894 Unknown

And his Carsons are great. He'll do a stand-up segment.

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3191.026 - 3221.978 Jerry Seinfeld

Now again, we just want to get into this. Bring it on. Okay. I don't know. Come on! We talked about the physical challenge of comedy, which I don't think people think about. If I think about some of the really funny people, funniest that I've ever seen, Michael Richards or Sid Caesar, I've heard a lot of people talking about these guys like are crazy strong guys, physically strong. Yes.

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3221.958 - 3248.472 Jerry Seinfeld

And everybody's pretty strong when they're young. And then one of the things that will destroy your comedy is when you don't have any physical strength. It's because there's an energy. Comedy is a concentration of energy on a point. Okay. You know, it's like a dense moment of energy. A punchline is like a punch. It's like throwing a punch. I think you're right. And it takes energy to do it.

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3248.492 - 3261.55 Jerry Seinfeld

So I think what happens to a lot of comedy people as they age, they just don't physically have the juice, you know. Yeah, I think you were right not to bring this up.

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3261.53 - 3263.754 Unknown

Why? No, I'm just kidding.

3264.215 - 3271.148 Jerry Seinfeld

You're right. Jim Carrey's not making stuff right now. Look at his physical ability. It's crazy. One of the best.

3271.168 - 3274.514 Unknown

When he was young. Incredible. It's incredible. Jerry Lewis.

3275.155 - 3291.773 Jerry Seinfeld

Similar, yeah. So that's just a thing of comedy that I've noticed over the years of... Don't let yourself become a mess. It gets harder. It gets harder anyway as you get older. You just run out of gas as a human being. But your generation seemed...

Chapter 8: How does Jerry Seinfeld define the essence of stand-up comedy?

3292.377 - 3304.43 Jerry Seinfeld

Pretty unhealthy. Yeah, pretty unhealthy. He's known for Coke and the clubs and boozing and partying. That claimed 90% of the generation. On both sides of me.

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3305.05 - 3323.812 Unknown

Drugs. Yeah, and you never wanted to dabble? No. Not curious? No. About what? Coke. It looks like a good time. I've never done it either. We've never done it. I probably will at your age. Adderall? Nothing?

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3324.714 - 3332.732 Jerry Seinfeld

Blue Chew? Where are you suffering from lack of stimulation?

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3332.852 - 3338.685 Unknown

Well, I just want to have a good time. You want the party to go to at 11. You like drinking.

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3339.037 - 3363.087 Jerry Seinfeld

Not really. Oh, OK. I mean, a glass of wine with an Italian meal. Very nice. But I mean, I don't understand that you don't you're not getting enough with what we do. Right. It's so challenging. It's so hell raising night after night, up and down, you know. But you're proving my point. You're up and down, up and down. I don't need any more stimulation. I can barely handle what I'm getting.

3363.347 - 3385.002 Jerry Seinfeld

Well, that's a gift. This is his skill. He's irritated in an optimistic way. Right. Yes. That fuels you. That is a great comedy challenge to give yourself. Do a bit about how much you love something and make it funny. Ooh. I've done a couple of those, and that's really fun. What do you love that's funny? Coffee. I have a whole thing about how much I love coffee. That's interesting.

3385.022 - 3406.453 Jerry Seinfeld

Because it understands the brutality. And I had a whole Pop-Tart bit. And that was the first time I tried to do what I said. I wonder if I could do a bit that's not negative in any way. Right. It's just positive about how much you love something. Wow. And it's really flipping the... The universe a little bit. Yeah. Gaffigan's got some of those.

3406.813 - 3407.474 Unknown

Yeah? Yeah.

3407.594 - 3409.416 Jerry Seinfeld

Hot pocket. A lot of food stuff. Yeah?

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