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We Might Be Drunk

Mark Normand & Sam Morril w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

27 Apr 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?

6.055 - 17.645 Mark Normand

Hey, folks. Here we are. We're back. It's 77 degrees outside. I can't believe what these things are here. Oh, yeah. Puppets. Stranger Things kids are back. Look at this. This is crazy.

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17.665 - 19.667 Sam Morril

This is how I pass out. Hopefully not around Mark.

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19.727 - 41.252 Mark Normand

I'm getting a teabag supreme. Oh, yeah. Look at that. Wow. I mean, look at this. A real jacket. Real glad. This is... They didn't... What's with the beard, though? You don't have that long a beard usually. Yeah, that's crazy. You look like a bad boy in like an 80s sitcom. Who's that? Kirk Cameron? Right, right. Yeah, they didn't, uh, what's the word I'm looking for? Spinch? Uh, pinch?

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41.733 - 49.208 Mark Normand

What do you call it? I look a little special needs. A little bit, yeah. I mean, look at that shit. But they got the tight curls, the mine are a little looser. I mean, they kind of nailed everything.

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49.272 - 55.945 Sam Morril

Yeah, dude. We definitely both have pew beards. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Did you make this? Someone sent it in.

56.546 - 57.949 Unknown

Puppet Mechanics on Etsy.

58.27 - 59.833 Mark Normand

Puppet Mechanics. Thank you.

59.893 - 62.177 Sam Morril

I love it, dude. The Knicks jersey. Awesome.

62.358 - 66.967 Mark Normand

He had a great idea to get Santino and Adam Ray to do the puppet voices.

Chapter 2: What are the highlights of Portland, Maine, according to the hosts?

132.694 - 139.629 Mark Normand

It's great. Yeah, I had a thousand oysters, you know, had lobster the first day. Great club. Empire Comedy Club. Shout out. Killer.

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140.411 - 141.453 Sam Morril

Oh, did you do a comedy club?

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141.794 - 143.818 Mark Normand

Yeah, back in the clubs, I got nothing.

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144.259 - 146.003 Sam Morril

Oh, nice. I didn't even know there was a club there.

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146.05 - 166.265 Mark Normand

Yeah, I did the Vets Theater on Sunday, and it was a shit show. I mean, this beautiful theater, it's like a hot crowd, and I'm like 18 minutes in. I'm like, so, you guys see that amputee cornhole player? I'm just so out of material that I had to just go, oh, Tiger Woods, huh? That was crazy.

166.545 - 177.55 Sam Morril

The amputee guy was better at killing than you were. Exactly. Damn, dude. Yeah, no, that theater's epic, though. I love it. I was just at the club in Providence. I'm easing back in with some porosos.

177.57 - 198.954 Mark Normand

Yeah, there we go. Suck on that, Bert. Your tour bus is burned. What the fuck was that? I think they left a burner on or something. Something's burning. He's just plugging his show? Yeah. Damn. Yeah, I forgot how. It was something where they just happened to be on the other bus. It was crazy.

199.054 - 199.555 Unknown

Damn.

200.276 - 216.95 Mark Normand

But yeah, Bert will spin that into some good content. What the fuck? Whoa, that's a lot of shirts to lose. He probably owned that bus, too. I think so, yeah. He got insurance. He'll be fine. It was like a Vesuvius from Sopranos?

Chapter 3: What challenges do comedians face while performing?

287.435 - 289.218 Sam Morril

I think you gotta start saying no.

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289.399 - 293.727 Mark Normand

Yeah, I know. I was like, any other comics of my caliber do this? They were like, no.

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294.365 - 298.649 Sam Morril

Yeah, you got to have time to write. You got to have time to relax. You got to have time to recharge.

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298.789 - 299.25 Mark Normand

Yeah.

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299.31 - 300.25 Sam Morril

Recharging is good.

300.411 - 322.531 Mark Normand

It is. It is, yeah. It's the little roadie comedy fest in Providence. Oh, who's that? And Hachimachi. There's a little roadie comedy fest. So it's like Mulaney, Chelsea Handler, Kevin Hart. I mean, it's a crazy lineup. Santino was there. So it was one of those things where I drank all weekend in Portland with Bolger. And then I drove to Rhode Island.

322.551 - 323.612 Sam Morril

I thought he was sober.

323.98 - 324.28 Mark Normand

Me?

324.621 - 325.021 Sam Morril

No, him.

Chapter 4: How do comedians navigate interactions with fans after shows?

562.312 - 563.794 Sam Morril

I sent you a clip, didn't I?

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565.698 - 568.202 Mark Normand

Can we hear some law opera? I want to hear her talk, if you can find her.

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568.222 - 570.866 Sam Morril

Oh, this is one I sent to John Fogerty. 80 years old, listen to this shit.

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576.114 - 579.579 Mark Normand

Hey, still cooking. Not bad. Not bad at all.

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586.269 - 605.429 Sam Morril

Just an hour of just like hits. You're like, oh, I know every one of these songs. This is crazy. Hell yeah. Oh, they're on their feet. It was pretty cool, yeah. But it was hilarious, because someone sent me the write-up from the New York Post, and it was like, Morel and DiStefano both had the crowd in stitches. I'm like, there was an ally in that building who fed them some false information.

605.469 - 613.275 Mark Normand

Right. We did what we could. Stupid question, but if all the cops are in there... Isn't that the best time to break the law?

613.295 - 616.841 Sam Morril

A few people said that. Okay. You're copying material from Rosie Perez right now.

617.662 - 617.902 Mark Normand

Damn it.

617.922 - 638.797 Sam Morril

Yeah, but. I got to step it up. But, yeah, there's other cops. I mean, it's not all cops. It's, you know. I was expecting more white cops. Chrissy said it on stage. She was like, I didn't know how many Indian cops there were. He goes, what is this, Calcutta? But I was like, wow, there's a lot. I was expecting more like Irish Catholic vibe. Yeah. It's a lot of diversity in the NYPD now.

Chapter 5: What are the challenges of day drinking?

3123.479 - 3125.422 Sam Morril

We were young. In your 20s, you could do that shit.

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3125.662 - 3130.11 Mark Normand

I know. I know. But boy, it hits you like a ton of bricks. You're like, wow, I guess I've changed a lot.

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Chapter 6: How do hangovers affect day drinkers?

3130.09 - 3148.121 Sam Morril

You know what I hate about the getting really day drunk is the nighttime hangover. I can't fucking deal with it. I get that sleep anxiety. I can deal with a hangover during the day because I can drink some coffee, feel it out. But at night, you're under your covers. You're like, I'm a piece of shit. I fucking hate myself.

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3148.422 - 3149.564 Mark Normand

I don't know where to go.

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3149.584 - 3151.407 Sam Morril

You're just having a panic meltdown.

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3151.387 - 3158.233 Mark Normand

I know. I know. And then I always keep drinking because I feel like that that pang of a headache coming. Yeah. Like eight.

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Chapter 7: What are the best seafood experiences in Portland?

3158.533 - 3161.115 Mark Normand

And you're like, oh, I got to drink that away. And now you're hammered.

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3161.396 - 3178.551 Sam Morril

Damn. And my favorite things now are like the worst things with this fucking stomach issue is like, you know, I love to start a day drink with a Bloody Mary. That's my favorite thing. But it's like literally tomato, spicy, you know, all that shit that you're like not. And you're like, oh, fuck. I love that, though.

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3178.571 - 3181.393 Mark Normand

Yeah. He's got a thing of bacon coming out of there. It's all bad.

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3181.373 - 3182.195 Sam Morril

I love it, though.

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3182.275 - 3183.077 Mark Normand

It's so good.

3184.119 - 3191.113 Sam Morril

Never could get into a mimosa. Nah, it's not on a plane or something. Yeah, I guess a plane is kind of cool.

3191.253 - 3196.043 Mark Normand

Yeah, it's a pretty good hangover cure, but yeah, Bloody Mary. You've got to start sweet. It's a meal.

3197.887 - 3201.154 Sam Morril

I need a really tasty drink to kill a hangover.

Chapter 8: What makes Babe Ruth's diet so insane?

3201.134 - 3223.26 Mark Normand

yeah all right how about this little story yeah so i'm in portland so i'm like we gotta eat seafood up the ass because we're here you can't get better seafood and more fresh than portland man careful that market price oh it fucked that's how they get you that's where i'm going really that's what happened to me too we go out to the lot the oyster house we each get a dozen oysters three of us that's what is that 32

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3224.523 - 3247.253 Mark Normand

36. 36 oysters. So that's a lot of money. We all get Bloody Marys. They're 20 bucks each. There you go. And then somebody gets a lobster roll. I get the clam bake. He gets the mussels, whatever. Then we get dessert. We get a couple beers, whatever. And the bill is pretty high. Yeah. Ah, the waitress comes up, puts the bill down. I go, I got it. I'm headlining. Here you go. Cash, cash, cash.

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3247.955 - 3269.257 Mark Normand

All the merch money. She goes, thank you. Do you need any change? I go, keep it, lady. I go take a piss. I come back from the bathroom. The guy at the table behind me goes, oh, my God. I loved your special. Oh, this is crazy. I can't believe you're here. Let me get the bill. And I go, oh, I already bought it. I go, where's that lady? And they go, she left. She retired. She moved to Canada.

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3269.277 - 3280.3 Mark Normand

And I go, fuck. So I was this close. I think he saw you get the bill. That's what I said. I think he fucking knew what he was doing. I think so, too. So we walked out. That was the big discussion. He knew what he was doing. That's a smooth move.

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3280.32 - 3281.563 Sam Morril

Let me get the bill.

3281.543 - 3304.513 Sam Morril

no one does that no one does that no let me get you a drink they'll do no one no one sees someone order a lobster and goes i got that i know that's insane behavior crazy and the shells are all over the table and oyster half shell and ice that's fucking crazy i know i did the i did the uh we did like a lobster brunch or whatever when i was there with my crew you know we're all there yeah

3304.493 - 3313.925 Sam Morril

Gary, the camera guy, James. We got Brian, the tour manager. Breakfast. Everyone orders, like, lobster omelets, whatever. It's one of these nights. You look at the bill. You're like, $300?

3314.806 - 3333.589 Mark Normand

I know. For fucking breakfast? MP, MP, MP. Everything on the menu. There's no numbers. And then Gary's walking out. Gary doesn't miss. I picked another winner. I go, shut the fuck up, Gary. I paid for this shit. I know. I'm surprised your accountant isn't like, what's going on here? This guy's a liability. Yes, yes. You better be fucking Gary.

3333.949 - 3334.45

Ha, ha, ha.

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