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Former All Whites goalkeeper Jake Gleeson says he contemplated taking his life after prolonged surgeries turned into a battle for survival and forced his early retirement. In August 2018, while contracted to the Portland Timbers in the United States, Gleeson had surgery to treat stress fractures in both legs. It should have been a routine procedure, but he developed osteomyelitis from an infection. What followed was not only a physical struggle but an emotional descent that would push him to the brink. Fourteen surgeries later, and nearly five years after Gleeson began legal action, a jury found doctor Richard Edelson guilty of medical negligence for failing to properly disinfect the plates inserted into Gleeson’s legs before the initial operation. Gleeson, now 34, was awarded US$20.4 million (NZ$35.7m) in damages. What was meant to be a three-month stint on the sidelines turned into a nightmare of medical complications and forced Gleeson to retire, having made 59 appearances for the Timbers and winning eight caps for the All Whites between 2011 and 2014. The fallout has been brutal for Gleeson, who struggles to complete mundane tasks such as exercising. The mental toll has been equally devastating. Speaking to Newstalk ZB’s Jason Pine on Weekend Sport, Gleeson says he reached a point where he considered taking his life. “I’d been prescribed so many opioids, like painkillers and anti-anxiety medication, I filled this pill jar up with enough pills that I know that if I took it all at once it would kill me. “I drove out a few times to different places around Portland with that. I had that around me for ... a few months and there were some close calls where I thought that that was going to be the day. “There were points I just didn’t want to live any more. Simple as that. “But I never went through with it, which I’m happy about. The last few years have been a slow climb out of a very deep, dark hole.” After his initial surgery, things appeared normal but, after two weeks, an infection on his right leg appeared. Antibiotics initially worked, but the infection worsened and he needed a second operation. At this point, pus was coming out of the wound and Gleeson was given a PICC line - a type of catheter - that was pumping antibiotics from his leg to an artery near the heart. It was a further two weeks before the plate in his right leg came out. Days later, problems began in his left leg. Portland Timbers goalkeeper Jake Gleeson shows his disappointment after the the 4-1 loss against Real Salt Lake in 2017. Photo / Getty Images “I saw that same redness, same warmth, same everything that was a sign of infection, and they pulled that plate out straight away. “Because I developed osteomyelitis in my right leg, essentially the infection had travelled through my blood and settled on the foreign hardware on my left leg. “If they had just removed the plate on the first surgery, or even checked the underside of it to know that that’s where the infection was, we could have avoided a lot more of the surgeries that I went through.” Gleeson had another appointment with Edelson, who was pleased with the recovery of the left leg, but problems were still occurring with the right. Despite raising concerns, Gleeson was told “it’s just bad blood flow, the wound will heal and you’re fine”. An angry Gleeson consulted another team doctor and was immediately rushed to hospital, where he had three surgeries in five days to clear the osteomyelitis and dead bone. “They had to go in and chunk out parts of my bone and there was dead tissue in there,” he recalls. “My body had gone septic and I had a 40-degree temperature, cuddling a bag of ice on my couch with all this medicine still coursing through me every week.” It was at this point that he found out Edelson had not properly sanitised an orthopaedic plate, after realising he was missing one and bringing one in from an outside facility during the surgery. As Gleeson improved after working with a new doctor, he opted to have metal rods inserted into both legs in February 2019 in an effort to save his career. He had four more operations but the rod in his right leg became immediately infected. Three weeks later, doctors said the rods had to come out. In July 2020, Gleeson formally began legal action. Finally, on March 29, a Multnomah County jury in Portland agreed that Edelson had violated his duty of care and awarded NZ$35.7m to Gleeson. “This is the first step and, once again, a very long path,” says Gleeson. “I don’t think it’s sunk in yet. I’m very tired still. “The money is a bonus once we figure out what it all looks like, because I’m not currently sitting with a huge cheque in my account. “Once it settles and is confirmed, I’ve already started conversations with some local groups around here to highlight this, and I want to kind of utilise it also to bring attention to mental health, especially for athletes. “I would like to go somewhere nice with my fiancée and throw my phone in a lockbox somewhere and take a week to take some deep breaths and start to put this all behind us as we move forward with our lives.” He says the Timbers club was poorly managed at the time and “swept me under the rug”. The figures involved have since gone and he is excited about attending his first Timbers match since the ordeal later this month. He says he would do anything to be able to step onto the pitch one last time, but is looking forward to be involved again in the sport he loves, having initially walked away from it. He is also looking forward to seeing the All Whites in action at next year’s World Cup, which is being co-hosted by the USA, Canada and Mexico. “I couldn’t be more excited for the All Whites and the boys on the team that I know and all the young guns coming through. “They’re an impressive bunch, so I’ll be there supporting them for sure. Hopefully they can cause some upsets.” SUICIDE AND DEPRESSION Where to get help:• Lifeline: Call 0800 543 354 or text 4357 (HELP) (available 24/7)• Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)• Youth services: (06) 3555 906• Youthline: Call 0800 376 633 or text 234• What's Up: Call 0800 942 8787 (11am to 11pm) or webchat (11am to 10.30pm)• Depression helpline: Call 0800 111 757 or text 4202 (available 24/7)• Helpline: Need to talk? Call or text 1737• Aoake te Rā (Bereaved by Suicide Service): Call or text 1737If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.