Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Hi, it's Jeffrey Cranor, and I need you to know that Welcome to Night Vale is coming to Europe, just for a little bit. May 27th through the 30th, 2026, we'll be in Edinburgh, Manchester, London, and Amsterdam, in that order. So if you live east of the Atlantic, get your tickets this week. Pre-sale tickets are available to select Patreon levels beginning Monday, February 16th at 10 a.m.
local time. That's local to wherever the theater is. All tickets for the public go on sale this Tuesday, February 17th at 10 a.m. We are so excited to bring our newest live show, Murder Night in Blood Forest. to our differently-continented friends. We love you, Europe. See you at the end of May. Just go to welcometonightvale.com slash live to see ticket states and information.
Chapter 2: What is 'Antler Cove' and why is it so popular?
Hey, and if you like Welcome to Night Vale to continue well past the podcast and live shows, we have the Night Vale tabletop role-playing game available in stores. This RPG was created by Renegade Games in collaboration with us. It's quirky, spooky, and fun, you know, like this show. So if you've ever wanted to be a character in Night Vale and do freaky adventures there, then get on this.
You can get the Night Vale tabletop RPG wherever you get your games. Okay, now, on to the episode. And hey, see you in Europe.
There are plenty of fish in the sea. Plenty of weird and monstrous fish just filling the sea to the brim. Welcome to Night Vale. Hello, listeners. I know there are still some of you out there. Not as many as before. But some people are listening to their radios right now. Right?
It's not like every single person in town is glued to their televisions watching the new hit show, Antler Cove, that happens to air at the exact same time as my broadcast, and has the entire community in a chokehold of obsession to the point where it seems like that's all anyone ever talks about anymore.
From what I can piece together, it seems like the show is about a wealthy family fighting about money in a small coastal town where an alien invasion is also happening. And maybe there's a murder mystery element too? I'm not even sure if it's prestige drama or a children's show or what. I haven't seen it because it can only be watched live. And as I said, it airs when I'm doing my own show.
And because I haven't seen it, I can no longer participate in the larger cultural conversation. That's fine. It's fine. Obsessions are fleeting. You'll all be back. Pretty soon, you won't even remember anything that happened on that show. Even though it's all you talk about now. Literally all you talk about.
I can't leave the house without being surrounded by ceaseless chatter about Anthony and Vivian and Lucius and Genevieve. Call me old-fashioned, but I miss the days when we gossiped about people we actually know. Some of you have asked why I don't just change my time slot so that it doesn't conflict with Antler Cove. I'll tell you why.
Because the oath I took as a broadcaster states that I will never change my appointed time slot for any reason. Not for holidays, not for personal crises, not for natural disasters, and not to avoid competition with other programming. It also states that I will never climb the radio tower for recreational purposes.
never advertise for undergarments, never use the break room microwave to make hot tuna bowls, and never, ever say the F or the S word aloud, even in the privacy of my own home. There are a lot of parts to the oath.
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Chapter 3: What is the plot of 'Antler Cove' about?
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention there's a ton of pretend drinking too. We get absolutely fake hammered in there. This has been a word from our sponsor. And now, real estate listings. Mansion. Apartment. Shack. House. Outhouse. I'm currently drawing a spiral on a piece of paper. Tell me when to stop. Okay, let's see. You got, ooh, mansion.
This eight-bedroom, seven-bathroom estate is located in the exclusive Red Mesa foothills. It has a tennis court, horse stables, and one of those instant hot water spouts in the kitchen so you can have tea immediately, faster than you would ever need it. You are married to a spaceship designer. It's not exactly passionate per se, but there are trade-offs in every relationship.
You have 16 kids, you are a talk show host, and your main vehicle is... rollerskates. In other listings, there is a house on Old Musk Road. There is one of something in every corner, but two in every room. If you can solve this riddle, the house is yours. Now back to our top story. I've been doing this job for a long time. I've put a lot of myself into it. It's not just a part of who I am.
It's the core of my person. I am a broadcaster. But broadcasting is an art that depends on other people hearing it. Otherwise, you're just talking to yourself. And that's not an art at all. That's what you do when you're home alone, putting away the groceries. or muttering about other drivers on the road, or sitting in a rocking chair with a blanket folded over your ancient bony knees.
Talking to yourself doesn't serve the community. It doesn't keep anyone informed. It isn't providing crucial information about current events. It isn't an art, or a service, or a particular skill at all.
It's like the old saying, if a tree falls in the forest and no one's around to hear it, does that mean everyone is so bored of trees that no one even goes to the forest anymore or gives a flying F about whether a tree lives or dies? That trees have become obsolete and people are just more into shrubbery these days and trees can go F themselves for all anyone cares.
In fact, I could probably get away with using the F word here since no one's listening. Fedora! Wow, that feels so wrong. I do have more community news to share, but I'm not sure if there's a point. Actually, if someone could call into the station just to let me know they're listening, that would help a lot. You don't even have to talk on the air or anything.
You can just let the phone ring once so I know you're out there, that someone hears me, that what I'm doing matters to even one person. The phone lines are open. I guess that tells me everything I need to know. I might as well shut things down here at the booth and tune into Antler Cove myself.
It's like the old saying, if a tree falls in the forest, you should get out of there before you're crushed to death and the woodland creatures feast upon your carcass. Oh, speaking of woodland creatures, I am still legally obligated to broadcast the weather, or else Wolverine stuff happens.
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Chapter 4: Why is the narrator missing out on the cultural conversation?
Fill my senses with identical particles Would that be bliss? Jennings Creek Used to have foxes running free Now people live in boxes They can't sleep But who wants all those noises in the night In such a quiet place Big sign says get lost in the woods But they cut down the trees that used to live there What kind, what kind of sick joke is that? Big time for progress
If I fill myself with chemicals, chemicals Will I forget the things I miss? Or fill my senses with identical particles? Would that be bliss? Would that be bliss? If I fill myself with chemicals, chemicals Will I forget the things I miss? Fill my senses with identical particles Would that be bliss? Would that be bliss? Would that be bliss? Would that be?
Okay, what did I just watch? Like, is Anthony actually a werewolf? Or is Vivian just trying to make it look like he is so that he gets written out of the will and she gets a larger inheritance?
Chapter 5: What are the narrator's thoughts on the obsession with 'Antler Cove'?
And is Genevieve's traumatic backstory about being trapped in a potato cellar true? Or is she just gaining Lucius's sympathy so she can get access to the town water supply and try out her experimental mind control serum on everyone? And why do so many people keep getting struck by lightning?
I do like the B-plot about the aliens not getting anything done because they're so busy petting and playing with cats. Because they've never seen cats before. But then again, isn't that... that's kind of an old trope at this point, right? I want to like this show. I really do. I want to be able to talk to my friends and neighbors again to stop being such an outsider in my own community.
But I have to be honest. I tried. I tried. And I find this show so boring and cliche. I just, I can't, I can't do it. I'd honestly rather listen to the sound of my own voice talking to no one. Actually, it's kind of freeing, just broadcasting for myself. I haven't done that since I was a kid, when I had my political commentary show in the old culvert on Drainage Ditch Road.
I think if I was the last person on Earth, I would probably still be broadcasting. And times like right now, when Antler Cove is on and everyone's at home watching, it almost feels like I am the last person on Earth. No one's out driving or walking their dog. No one's running errands or working or socializing.
The whole city is dark and quiet, except for the glow of screens behind closed curtains and the sound of my voice bouncing around the atmosphere with no one to hear it. I'm a tree in the forest, falling. A man in a radio booth, droning. A person doing something for his own satisfaction, even in a vacuum, even when there's no one to witness it. I guess that has to be enough. Sometimes.
Stay tuned for the end credits of Antler Cove. Me? I'm going to go have a look at the night sky. With the streets so dark and empty, the stars are really popping off, y'all. Oh, oh, I just got a text from Carlos. He says, oh, he says, great show tonight, honey. Sorry, I couldn't call earlier. I was wearing my science gloves and doing beaker stuff.
If you want any company while stargazing, I just got a new high-powered infrared telescope and we can check out the sulfuric acid clouds on Venus. Or the burning satellite constellation. Oh, or the hobgoblin of the Milky Way. If you want. Hmm. That sounds just perfect, sweetie. I'll be home soon. And thanks for listening. It means a lot to me.
It's great to be satisfied doing things for and with yourself. But you know what? It's even better to do them with a ridiculously sexy scientist who you're madly in love with. Freeze frame. The end. Good night, Night Vale. Good night.
Welcome to Night Vale as a production of Night Vale Presents. It is written by Joseph Fink, Jeffrey Cranor, and Bree Williams. Sound design and production by Disparition. The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin. Original music by Disparition. All of it can be found at disparition.net. This episode's weather was Jennings Creek by Cassie Noble. Find out more at the link in our show notes.
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