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Welcome to Night Vale

285 - April Fools

01 Apr 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What events are happening in Night Vale this April?

5.245 - 20.335 Jeffrey Cranor

Howdy, y'all. It is Jeffrey Cranor. I'm not sure which episode of Welcome to Nightville you're listening to, but I am speaking to you from April of 2026, and I'm here to tell you we're going to be in Europe. If you want to see Nightville live and you're going to be in Europe, come check us out at the

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20.315 - 43.909 Jeffrey Cranor

end of may we're going to be in edinburgh on may the 27th we will be in manchester on the 28th london on the 29th and amsterdam on may the 30th just go to welcome to nightville.com live to see the show dates and to get your tickets this is our newest nightville live show murder night in blood forest it is so much fun please come check it out also coming up this month here in april

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43.889 - 65.543 Jeffrey Cranor

It is the return of Alice Isn't Dead, brand new episodes of our other crazy hit podcast. This is written by Joseph Fink, produced and with music by Disparition and starring Jessica Nicole. So make sure you are still subscribed to Alice Isn't Dead and go get those on April the 13th as new episodes come out. Finally, speaking of other shows, do you want to hear us talk about other things?

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65.523 - 84.404 Jeffrey Cranor

We have three other really great chat shows. First of all, there's Good Morning Night Vale for all of your Night Vale needs. You can hear Hal, Meg, and Symphony talk about every single episode in order of Welcome to Night Vale. Also, we have Random Horror number nine. That is me and Night Vale star Cecil Baldwin talking about horror movies one at a time in a random order.

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84.865 - 92.273 Jeffrey Cranor

And then Joseph and Meg do Best Worst, which is a really fun podcast where they look at hit TV shows and they review the

92.253 - 116.877 Jeffrey Cranor

best rated on imdb the worst rated on imdb and if you're a patreon member they will review the middlest rated on imdb so check out all of those at nightfallpresents.com or just wherever you get your podcasts and hey thanks good night sleep tight don't let the eye bandits strike welcome to night veil

137.545 - 162.895 Unknown

The investigation into the locked room murder of the angel Marcus Vanston continues, as well as the murder of Jalen Rutherford, an intern applicant who was stabbed to death right here in the lobby of my radio station while I was broadcasting. Of course, the emotional impact of Jalen's death is diminished slightly by the fact that his doppelganger showed up in a sandstorm last month,

163.128 - 193.804 Unknown

And he's been an awesome intern for us, so it's like it never happened, right? If I only saw a dead body stabbed violently by a still at-large killer, but that dead body got replaced by a duplicate, then there are no lasting psychological effects or repercussions. It's just like how my former intern, Dana Cardinal, killed her double with a stapler back in 2013, and she went on to become mayor.

194.906 - 224.344 Unknown

So sometimes murder isn't a total loss. But maybe we were just lucky in those cases. I don't recommend decriminalizing murder, like those people at the town hall meeting last Tuesday were. Oh, they've in fact forced a referendum onto the ballot this fall. The referendum reads, Eliminate criminal charges against any citizen with a totally legit reason to kill some jerk.

Chapter 2: What is the significance of the intern's murder in Night Vale?

784.415 - 814.72 Unknown

April Fools, and we laughed and laughed. I told him that, for real, I had a big assignment for him. I wanted him to work with Dana to get to the bottom of Marcus's murder, but also the murder of his own double. He looked a bit dubious about investigating his own death, but he knew that if we solved these crimes, We'd probably win a Pulitzer. And I'm super into winning a Pulitzer.

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815.121 - 847.255 Unknown

Total bucket list item. Dana and Jalen headed out to begin their deep dive into these unsolved mysteries. More on that, but now, let's go to another edition of Citizen Spotlight. This week's Community Spotlight is on Matt Birmingham. Matt was born and raised in Night Vale. He got an associate's degree in advertising and has always wanted to work for a secret military base.

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848.097 - 880.032 Unknown

Well, he got his wish this year. In March, Matt was named the new marketing director of Area 50. Which is not nearly as famous as Area 51, but that's why they hired Matt. To really up the lore of Area 50, which has, by the by, been around longer than Area 51. Which means it has way more eerie secrets. Granted, Area 49 is even older than Area 50, Matt said, but that place is kind of run down.

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880.248 - 910.619 Unknown

And don't get him started on Area 26, which at this point is just a Chevron station in northeastern Arizona. But Area 50 has so many conspiracies, he said. People really should look at satellite photos of Area 50. Maybe snoop around their electric fences. Maybe even try to get an insider at Area 50 to leak photos of all the messed up things they have hidden there. Aliens?

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911.16 - 945.056 Unknown

Matt Birmingham groaned. We've got things much more mysterious than aliens. Creatures you've never even heard of. Creatures that are neither terrestrial nor extraterrestrial. Like super terrestrial, he said, pounding his corn dog on the podium for emphasis. Plus, he added, we have these cool punch cards. Discover 10 conspiracies at Area 50 and we'll send you a dollar on Venmo.

946.318 - 972.585 Unknown

Congratulations, Matt Birmingham. We can't wait to learn more about Area 50. Oh, geez. This day is really getting away from me. I was hoping to have these murders solved before the end of the show. Elise, any word from Dana or Jalen? Oh, you're talking to them now. You look concerned, Elise. Is everything okay?

975.069 - 1008.66 Unknown

They're being followed by a black sedan with tinted windows, and they're getting really scared that someone doesn't want them to dig any deeper, that by unmasking the killer, a much more vast network would be revealed, threatening to bring down a giant ring of underground criminals? Oh, that's awful. I'm sorry, I missed what you just said, Elise. April fools. I heard it all.

1008.68 - 1019.638 Unknown

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay. While she makes sure that Dana and Jalen are safe, Elise says we should have a look at the weather.

1042.45 - 1146.387 Gin Wife

Clothes and tired lips, alone and can't hide it Oh, where would we be without cat keys to keep our libidos low? Midlife renegade, your wife's half your age Nancy from financing's getting nancy cause she's scared that you'll know Keep the water flowed game of pretenses alliances and social hierarchy that you've won Thank you.

Chapter 3: How does the concept of doubles affect the characters in Night Vale?

1512.616 - 1515.578 Unknown

How big? Oh, get it off.

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1515.738 - 1516.099 Jeffrey Cranor

Get it off.

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1517.02 - 1545.362 Unknown

Help, Elise. Elise, get in here. Oh, you got me. You got me. That's a good prank, Elise. Oh, wait. There is a tarantula on my shirt, but it's not that big. Cool, cool. Stay tuned next for massive audio clipping as a radio host screams like a baby. Good night, Night Vale. Good night.

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1545.382 - 1567.513 Cecil Baldwin

Welcome to Night Vale as a production of Night Vale Presents. It is written by Joseph Fink, Jeffrey Cranor, and Brie Williams. Sound design and production by Disparition. The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin. Original music by Disparition. All of it can be found at disparition.net. This episode's weather is Pro Golfers by Gin Wife. Find out more at the link in our show notes.

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1568.215 - 1591.672 Cecil Baldwin

Comments, questions, email us at info at welcometonightvale.com or follow us on Blue Sky at Night Vale Radio or on Instagram, Tumblr, and TikTok at Night Vale Official. Or be really normal about how things are going in the world right now. But mainly, check out welcometonightveil.com, where we have a twice-monthly mailing list that is the best way to keep up to date directly from us to you.

1591.952 - 1635.091 Cecil Baldwin

We are going to need each other moving forward. Please connect with us. Today's proverb. Dress for the job you want. Cash and checks. Not the job you have. Snap and necks. Hi, I'm here to tell you about Good Morning Night Vale. Welcome to Night Vale's official recap show and unofficial best friend food podcast.

Chapter 4: What pranks can be celebrated on April Fools' Day?

1635.552 - 1659.382 Cecil Baldwin

Join me, Meg Bashwiner, and fellow Tri hosts Hal Lublin and Symphony Sanders as we dissect all of the cool, squishy, and slimy bits of every episode of Welcome to Night Vale. Come for the insightful and hilarious commentary, and stay for all of the weird and wild behind-the-scenes stories. Good Morning Night Vale, with new episodes every other Thursday. Get it wherever you get your podcasts.

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1659.763 - 1661.226 Cecil Baldwin

Yes, even there.

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