My Dad Planned to Kill Us
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How did Victoria describe her early friendships and finding safety outside home?
My name is Victoria, and I'm here to talk about growing up in a domestic violence environment. And I'm also Hispanic, so that is kind of common in that culture, which is very unfortunate. But it's something that I wear with pride now, because without going through this experience, I probably wouldn't be where I am today. So when I was young, I had two best friends. I had Nancy and Monica. And Monica, I met first. I met her in preschool. And she ends up becoming kind of like the third sibling between my brother and I, my brother Jack. It's just us two. And then Nancy, I met her in kindergarten. So they were my two main best friends from, well, Monica, I still speak to, to this day. And then Nancy, I kind of stopped talking to her around like 19, just because, you know, time, things drift and stuff.
Things change, but nothing but love for that girl. Like her family kind of took me in as their own. Her mom was actually the only adult I remember ever telling anything about, you know, my parents. Like really telling her like everything, everything, like what was happening. And I remember in the beginning with Nancy, actually, my mom didn't want me going over there. She would always be like, oh, can I pick up your daughter? Can I do this? Can I do that? My mom was always like, no, no, no. And then one day, Nancy's mom called my mom and was like... hey, I just want to let you know, like I would really appreciate if you could let your daughter come to my house because she had a younger daughter who unfortunately passed away.
And when I was around, her daughter Nancy wouldn't ask about her baby sister anymore because we were five years old and her baby sister was about three when she passed. So, you know, when you're five, you don't understand, you know, why is baby just gone all of a sudden? So when my mom heard that story, she was like, take her whenever you want. She's yours. And what was really funny is her and I had the same last name. So everybody really thought we were sisters. And then in school, you know how they put you alphabetically? We always sat next to each other. And her mom would pick us up and even dress us alike. So I feel like we came into each other's lives where they needed me. And I needed them, you know, because that was the house where I learned that not all dads are mean.
Because her dad was so sweet. So sweet. I loved her dad. Her parents loved them. I really, really appreciate everything they did for me. Because I remember they took me to Disneyland when I was like nine years old. And my mom's like, I took you, but she shows me the picture. I'm in the stroller. I'm like, how am I supposed to remember that? But, you know, they did a lot for me. She really took me under her wing as her daughter. Like, and I appreciate that so, so much. And I was happy that when it was our quinceaneras, because, you know, in the Mexican culture, that's the big deal. And, um. I actually found her around that time so they could come to my party at least. And they came. And then same thing for her.
She invited me to hers because they were kind of around the same year because my birthday is first in the beginning of the year. And then hers was later in the year. So we were able to be at each other's event, which was really cool. And just being in that house with them just really showed me what I was missing at home. Because I have an older brother. And In the Mexican culture, the boys are the kings. You do everything. I tell my brother even to this day, I'm just like, I felt like you were my first kid because I used to wash his laundry. I used to cook for him. The only thing I didn't do was clean his room. Yeah, he helped around the house and he did his part because our only rules growing up were...
have grades better than a C, do your chores, and you can do whatever you want. So there, when you look at that, that's a little too much freedom for us, you know? And then my brother now being a father of five kids.
How did parental roles and cultural expectations shape Victoria’s childhood responsibilities?
Yeah, he has five beautiful children, which I love them all. And his wife is amazing, Judy.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
How did Victoria describe her early friendships and finding safety outside home?
0:00–4:04
2
How did parental roles and cultural expectations shape Victoria’s childhood responsibilities?
4:04–10:05
3
What patterns of abuse, addiction, and control did Victoria witness in her family?
10:05–18:27
4
How did Victoria’s quinceañera and family milestones influence her mother’s decision to leave and rebuild?
18:27–1:10:24
5
How did music and coping strategies help Victoria during childhood abuse?
1:10:24–1:14:57
6
What led Victoria and her family to finally leave her father that night?
1:14:57–1:22:18
7
How did police intervention uncover the danger they were in?
1:22:18–1:29:29
8
How did loss, healing, and rebuilding shape Victoria’s relationships after the arrest?
1:29:29–2:18:37