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Chapter 1: What does Dulce Sloan mean by being involuntarily celibate?
I said to my homeboy that I was incel one day and he was like, that's not true. I said, of course it is. I said, I am celibate and it is very involuntary. These are, this is what incel means. Involuntary celibate. Yes. I would love to be having sex time. There's nothing better than having your legs in the air. And yet. Trevor, do you agree?
Can I tell you what's funny? Tell me.
Having your legs in the air. You made me picture my legs in the air. That's what I hate about what you did to me there. That's what good friends are for. That's what you did to me there. You made me.
Chapter 2: What humorous insights does Dulce share about relationships?
Anytime. Because you asked it. My first instinct was to defend myself.
But the first thought I had was me with my own legs in the air. Whenever I hear something enjoyable, I think of who could enjoy this more? And... My friend comes to mind, and I'm thinking, look, there's an opportunity for someone's legs. Who would enjoy? He's an idiot.
Who would enjoy this? Stop talking. Who would enjoy this more? So, okay. You ain't got this. No, no, no, wait. And I appreciate that about you. You a fool. So let's go back. Your friends are dumbed up. This is What Now? with Trevor Noah. Right. Only difference between me and a Dominican is a boat stop. That's it. I could have been Mexican. I could have been Dominican.
I could have been from Costa Rica. But instead, we landed here. So if I go to any of those diaspora places, no one's questioning my existence. But if I go back to the motherland, all of a sudden it's, well, what is she doing here? And I'm like, nigga, planes fly daily. That's why I'm here. If you kept quiet and you came to South Africa, no one would know you're not from there.
The problem is me keeping quiet, and you know that. Have we met? So you've never been to South Africa? No, he was supposed to take me and Roy, but we never met.
What do you mean supposed to? No, no, not you.
I'm saying, yeah. No, what do you mean supposed to? You said to me and Roy. You know what I love? Dosa, I'll let you finish your sentence. Accuse me so that I may respond in full. Because he always says, like, you know, like an American black people, we don't have a lot of noises. We do have one.
Now, sir, you said, oh, I want to take you, because talking to me and Roy, oh, I would love to take you out of South Africa. Roy was like, mothers, mothers too, bring everybody. All of a sudden, this nigga done caught amnesia. Talking about he don't remember telling me, let me say something. I always remember when a man tells me something he didn't intend on doing.
That's what I will always remember. Something a nigga was really going to do? I don't remember that. Like what? I don't know, calling me back. I'll always remember. So you'll remember that one? Yeah, because I know it's not going to happen. Guys don't call you back? It's very confusing. You see these titties, I don't know what's going on. Very nice. We rolling? Perfect moment.
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Chapter 3: How does Dulce's perspective on dating and relationships differ from societal expectations?
Hey, man. Go to church. That's how I got them. There are a few people in this world I would love to hear the last part of a sentence from than Dulce Sloan. No, I'm serious. When I think about it, I go like, you know when you just catch the tail end of a conversation or something someone said, you will never beat Dulce. Listen to the end of that sentence.
You see these titties and now you go, what was the beginning of that sentence? Fill it in. In my head, I was like, can we see more of those titties? What do you do when someone says, see these titties? You're like, all right. You just fell into a dulce trap. Here's the thing.
I will always remember you said to me, I'm the blackest person you know, which is crazy because I'm not the blackest person that I know. So I was like, how am I the blackest? And I was like, oh, you don't know a lot of niggas. That's the difference. You know black people. You always say that to me. Who are you friends with? No, no, no. You always say that. Wow. You just took shots at Josh.
He's not even here. And he deserves it. Wherever Josh Johnson is right now, he's like, oh. Oh. Ow. Damn. Ow. Wow. Don't say. I love Josh. It's my favorite thing. But you know, Josh doesn't have any siblings. Josh owes you half of everything. Because I braided his hair? Yo, Dulce made Josh over. Josh will even attest to that. Josh Johnson, the way we see him today, that's a Dulce makeover.
I made him- Full makeover. Yo, Josh, that was a full- Dulce was like, she sat him down one day. His afro was stressing me out. Yeah, but it was like a... Like, yo, man, there's Afros and then there's... Whatever's happening.
Wait, so there was an Afro intervention? Yeah, but it was... Or African intervention?
No, this one was... It was a black woman intervention. Because one day he came to work and... It was when the Afro was smaller. And so it was like... It looked like he had his hair cut into like an old box, like an old school box. Yeah, yeah. But he'd just been sleeping on different sides of his head. So it just turned into... So I called it a sleep box.
So we started giving him a bonnet and all this other stuff. Because during the Emmys one time, he came up to our room. Because when I took my mom the first time we went, she was showing him how to shape it up. Because we were talking about trying to get different hairstyles he could get. I said, well, your head is too small for cornrows. And he was just like, oh, the shots keep coming.
I was like, I'm just trying to be helpful. Because like I said, he has no siblings. So he doesn't have an older sister to terrorize him. or to educate, tomato, potato. So one day, it was like one Christmas, like during COVID, I was like, hey, come to my house, because he didn't go home, I didn't go home, my homeboy didn't go home.
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Chapter 4: What challenges does Dulce face regarding intimacy and independence?
And he kept going, Dulce did it. Dulce did it. And I'm like, really? Like, yeah. And so when he started getting like compliments from like black men, I was like, oh, this was a great. That's when you knew it was the upgrade. And I was like, oh, he's keeping this. Has anyone done something like that for you in your life? Who's Dulcé Sloan to your life? Nobody. What do you mean nobody? Me, nigga.
I do me. I'm the Dulcé Sloan for me. I guess my mom, maybe. I don't know. No, but moms don't count. Moms don't count. No, don't take that out of context. Moms count very much. Yes. Don't clip that. Don't clip that. What? Do over, do over, do over. Yo, moms count. Do over, do over, do over.
What I mean is in this conversation we're having now, we're saying moms already are the most amazing thing in the world. So we don't count moms in this case. Moms can't Dulce Sloan you. Yeah, so we're saying who's Dulce Sloaned you? Probably you. No, don't say that because I'm here. No, like if you're asking. I didn't Dulce Sloan you. What are you talking about?
What I'm saying is that if you're talking about someone who has come in and changed my life, it was probably you or Big Kenny who got me into standup. But I didn't do you a favor. You did Josh a favor. There was no benefit for what you did to Josh. There was all the benefit. What was the benefit? I didn't have to look at that afro. He was stressing me and eating it out.
Oh, man. How long did it last for, that new hairstyle?
Yeah. What do you mean? It's still there. It is Josh's hair. So he goes to a lady now and gets it washed and braided. It is the greatest thing that ever happened. Oh, so he stuck to it. Yeah. Yeah, like the style he has now. So I did his hair. The one? Yeah, the one braid. I'm responsible.
Have you seen the TikTok where the girl was like, she was trying to get dressed and she realized she was just Josh Johnson? No. Because she had a twist out. She had twists in. And she said she was put on this gray hoodie and then a braid fell down. And she's like, when you're getting dressed and realize you're Josh Johnson. That is so funny. Truly.
You two have like one of the best dynamics I've ever come across. You know when you meet people who it feels like they've known each other their whole lives? Because how long have you known Josh for? I met Josh during like 2016. Yeah, you see, that's not, that's like now, but I feel like you two are like siblings.
I met him a year before, like a year, maybe a year or two before I started at the show. Is that because you're both from the South? We were doing NACAs together. I'm sorry, what? So NACA, so you've never had to do this whole stroll. So NACA, it's the National Association of College Activities. So basically there's all these different, so they cut the whole United States up into regions. Yeah.
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Chapter 5: What challenges does Dulce face in relationships?
Someone has to keep us indoors. So if I'm dealing with somebody who can't keep the lights on in here, then I have another dependent in my house. Then I can't do the things that I need to do as a mother. I can't do the things I need to do as a person. I can't do the things I need to do as an adult because there's a fucking man in my house. who cannot pay my light bill.
He cannot pay half the mortgage. He cannot do the, he can't do. So what is he here for? Because I already have people in my, my mother's retired. My mother's got a job for fun.
Chapter 6: How does Dulce define independence in her life?
So just like I have people in my house that I'm already taking care of. I need a partner. I don't need another dependent because if that's the case, I'm putting you on my taxes, bro. Give me your social. Because here's the thing, I have never met a dick that would make me send my mother to work. You see what I'm saying? My mother works because she wants to, because she has to.
Trevor, dulce.
Dulce. Trevor. I can't.
I can't. Welcome to my life. What is... I remember the number of times some random girl would be like, oh my God, I can't. How can you... Trevor's so handsome. How can you work? I said, first of all, he's my boss.
Chapter 7: What insights does Dulce share about emotional support?
First of all. So I don't see him like that. Where were you when these conversations were happening? At the stand, at the cellar. There was always some girl that's like, oh my God, do you have Trevor's number? No, we're getting distracted though. No, we get distracted because I want to be distracted because I have to make sure I don't cry on your podcast.
So my brain just needs to kick somewhere else. And then we have to come back. And so, but I'm being told repeatedly, it's, well, what if he has potential? And da, da, da, da, da, da, da. And I was like, I want to know of other groups of women are being asked to go, well, what if this man has potential?
Because one, it's the only men I've ever seen worried about gold diggers are the men that don't have gold. I have never manned a man.
Onto my new American phrase.
God damn! Well, we're good to go. Oh, God. That's a combo. Oh, okay. Somebody watched BET yesterday? Oh, man. Goddamn. Because you have to think about it. I'll tell you what. You're telling men they have to provide. Right. You know, there is something that I think it's painful because it's true.
But in the same way, the sugar lobbies got us to hate fat and tricked us into not focusing on what was actually happening in food.
Mm-hmm.
I do find it really sad that we talk about relationships and most of the things that we're bringing up about relationships have nothing to do with the dynamics of a relationship.
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Chapter 8: How does Dulce view the dynamics of modern relationships?
They have to do with the dynamics of late stage capitalism. Yes. Because everything you said is true. Yes. But everything you said isn't really supposed to be true. the real, real, real crux of a relationship, you know? Right. Can you pay the bill? When I'm a mother, I don't want to be homeless because that's a very true and real thing. Because I have to keep my children inside.
I have to be able to take care of my children. But that's why when you go to Scandinavian countries, no, but that's why when you go to Scandinavian countries, for instance, they don't really have that issue. And I know there they have, I'm not saying it's like a perfect place, but you realize that the issue is minimized because
there's a certain contract that people have with the state where the state goes, no, if you're a mom, if you're a parent, in fact, man or woman, you'll get a certain amount of paid leave. Your child will be able to go to school. Your healthcare is not dependent on whether or not you have a job because the state has an interest in keeping you healthy.
Right, but you have to remember that the reason we do not have universal healthcare is because of racism. If you look at a lot of the practices of the state of Mississippi, right, a lot of things that they do is to oppress black people. The problem is white people also live in that state.
So, if you don't want to have universal healthcare in a country because you don't want black people, how are you punishing 87% of the people for something that, because you don't want 13% also, I've never believed that was really part of the population, but we won't answer the census. So, You don't want 13% of your population to have something.
So you won't give it to the other 87% of your population. Tipping comes from, there's a racist history of tipping because you weren't paying black people correctly. When we started getting like, it's a whole thing when we started working on railroads and stuff like that, it was they didn't pay them a livable wage, they started tipping them.
That's why servers to this day do not get a livable wage because you can survive on tips. Right. And so this is a thing that's still hurting people today, but because of a racist start of it. And then we lose the history of. Yeah. And so the but the problem is, is that if I let love carry me in certain places. Yeah. I would be divorced from a broke man if I let love dictate.
And if I let the thing if I let because I'm already we know I make bad decisions. Let me ask you a question, though, before you move on from there.
If, I mean, by the, you know, last reported wherever numbers, if they say 50% of all marriages end in divorce anyways, then doesn't it mean that even if you get into a marriage, and not you, but as a person, there's a 50% chance that you're already getting divorced, regardless of what the other person's income is or isn't. And like, even brokenness. People can become broke.
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