Returning to Work After Maternity Leave? How to Handle the Guilt and Separation Anxiety

episode

Previously titled “Missing Your Baby at Work? How to Find Your Rhythm After Maternity Leave” — renamed by the publisher on Aug 4, 2026

Working Mumma 20 min 1 speaker 8 chapters transcribed 1 month ago
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Why does missing my baby at work feel normal and even positive?

Carina O’Brien 0:00
Hey there, welcome back to the Working Mama Podcast. I'm Karina and I'm so glad you're here today. If it's your first time, welcome. If you're a regular listener, welcome back. This is the space for working mums who are navigating one of the most significant and honestly one of the most underestimated transitions of their lives. Coming back to work after having a baby. And today I want to sit with something that I think so many of you are carrying around quietly. Not sure if it's okay to say out loud. That feeling of being at work, physically there, trying to focus, trying to show up and missing your baby. Like a quiet ache that sits in your chest all day, like part of you never quite made it through the door and is still at home holding and caring for your child.
Carina O’Brien 0:50
I want to talk about that today. I want to name it, understand it, and most importantly, I want you to walk away from this episode knowing that your feeling is completely and utterly okay. More than okay, that it makes sense, that it's natural. But also I want you to know that it does ease. So let's get into it. I just want to start by painting a little picture. And I want to see with you if any of this resonates. So you've gone back to work. Maybe you're three days a week, maybe more, maybe less. You did all the things that you were supposed to do as part of the transition back. You visited the childcare center, you've done all the settling in sessions, you mentally prepared as best as you could. But nothing quite prepared you for that first day and first week back at work.
Carina O’Brien 1:46
Either you're either working from home or you're back physically in the office. Nothing prepared you for sitting at your desk and realizing that for months, your whole pregnancy, and then those early weeks and months after You and your baby have barely been apart. You've been the one that has been there for every feed, every sleep, every first new moment. You've documented it all. You remember it. You know that the time of the day, before it's eleven o'clock, you know exactly what they would or could or should be doing. And now there's just that. A gap, a hole and a void. of what you would be doing at that time and a gap where that used to be. And the thing is, it's not always a loud grief. It's quite subtle.
Carina O’Brien 2:37
It's very, very personal. It's checking your phone to see if childcare has sent a photo or the person has been caring for your child.

What is maternal separation anxiety and how does it show up after returning to work?

Carina O’Brien 2:48
It's a meeting that feels slightly unreal because somewhere in the back of your mind you drift off away from the conversation and you're wondering whether they've had their nap. How did they go at eating their lunch? Have they had a poo or a wee explosion? How did they go down? Did they self settle or was it a struggle? It's a low hum of not quite being there at work or at home. Because you're trying to exist in two places at once. Your mind is in two places at once. Then on top of all that comes the guilt. That good old mum guilt rears its ugly head. the guilt for going back to work, the guilt for not being fully present at work. Guilt for the days where honestly part of you was a tiny bit relieved to have five minutes to drink a hot coffee in peace.
Carina O’Brien 3:45
Then there's also guilt about the guilt. Sound familiar? I certainly went through this. What you're experiencing has a name. Yes, we can put it in a little box. It's called maternal separation anxiety. And I want to be really clear about something. This is one of the most common experiences of returning to work after having a baby. It's not a sign that something is completely wrong with you. It's not a sign that you've made the wrong choice. It's a completely natural response to leaving someone that you love, someone that you have been wholly focused on caring for. Your feelings are completely normal. Now, maternal separation is defined as a mother's experience of worry, sadness, and guilt during short term separations from her child.
Carina O’Brien 4:34
And it's common and also expected part of returning to work. It's not a warning sign. It's a normal part of this transition. But what's sad about this is that we don't talk about this enough.

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