How to Have Productive Money Talks With Family
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How does the episode introduce the problem of awkward family money conversations?
Here's your Money Briefing for Wednesday, December 4th. I'm J.R. Whelan in the newsroom of The Wall Street Journal in New York. The holiday season means family get-togethers and those dreaded conversations about money. Wall Street Journal personal finance reporter Julia Carpenter will be along in a moment to tell us how those conversations can be a little less difficult. First, some money in market news you should know. The share of U.S. adults who donated to charity dropped significantly from 2,000 to 2016, from two-thirds of adults to just over one-half. But finances may not be the only issue. Data collected by Indiana University shows it has a lot to do with Americans becoming less likely to attend religious services or identify with a specific religion.
Pew Research says the share of the U.S. population who describe themselves as atheists, agnostics, or, quote, nothing in particular, is at 26%. That's up from 17% a decade ago. Now, religious groups still receive the largest percentage of charitable dollars. Last year, 29% of total giving went to religious groups, but GivingUSA says it was the first year that figure fell below 30%.
They say there's no place like home for the holidays. And if that means family get togethers, it can also mean some awkward conversations, especially about money. But do they have to be full of tension? Wall Street Journal personal finance reporter Julia Carpenter is here to discuss. So, Julia, conversations about money, especially with relatives, can be kind of cringeworthy.
Oh, yeah. It's one of those topics that as soon as it comes up, everybody's hackles go up.
When should parents and relatives start talking to young adults about money?
I think money is one of those things that's super personal and super sensitive. But if you can't talk about it with your family or with your friends, and we see again and again that people struggle to talk about this with friends and partners too, then who can you talk about it with?
And, you know, younger people might feel the urge just to cast aside any advice coming from the older generation and just say, OK, boomer.
Why are charitable giving and broader social changes relevant to holiday money talks?
But, you know, the older generation, they might have great advice, but it's all in how they say it.
I think the thing about talking with parents and kids, kids talking to parents and parents talking to kids, is that there's a lot of nervousness on both sides of the conversation about being misunderstood.
How can you structure a productive money talk by stating your purpose and asking 'why'?
Right.
seems to be some frustration on the part of younger people who feel that everything was so much easier for their older relatives when they were younger, and that wasn't necessarily the case.
Totally. I think one of the things that is kind of spurring this conversation to happen now is that so many of those milestones that were at one point maybe a little bit more easily accessible at different points in a person's career or in a person's personal life, we're kind of rejiggering those now. So maybe your goal when you're 30 is not to buy a house, but it's instead to pay down your student loans. Both are really great goals, but being able to talk about how those things matter to you individually I think is something where a lot of people run into trouble.
And how success is defined, that's changed as well.
Totally.
What practical communication tips (empathy, timing, soft approach) help de-escalate money talks?
I spoke with a financial therapist for this piece, and she made the wonderful point, I think, that so many of those markers of adulthood are changing.
What makes money conversations with different generations especially tense?
So you can be 33 now, single, living with roommates, and in your mind, you are incredibly successful. And on paper, you are incredibly successful. But maybe your parents look at you and think, OK, you're not married. You don't have a house. What are you doing? How are you working this?
So let's say somebody's just out of college, maybe in their early 20s, and they have an apartment and a job. You know, they're making ends meet.
Yeah.
But that shouldn't be the first time as a parent or a relative that you're having that money conversation with them.
Totally. I think the one thing I heard again and again from people responding to this piece, and then also when I was talking to this piece, is that it gets easier the more you talk about it, and building that rapport has to happen early on.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
How does the episode introduce the problem of awkward family money conversations?
0:05–1:50
2
When should parents and relatives start talking to young adults about money?
1:50–2:10
3
Why are charitable giving and broader social changes relevant to holiday money talks?
2:10–2:29
4
How can you structure a productive money talk by stating your purpose and asking 'why'?
2:29–3:14
5
What practical communication tips (empathy, timing, soft approach) help de-escalate money talks?
3:14–3:22
6
What makes money conversations with different generations especially tense?
3:22–6:36
Speakers
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