The Money Date: Couples Making Financial Plans Over Candlelit Dinners

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WSJ Your Money Briefing 7 min 2 speakers 5 chapters transcribed 2 months ago
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

Unknown 0:00
This episode is brought to you by Charles Schwab. Decisions made in Washington can affect your portfolio every day. Washington Wise from Charles Schwab is an original podcast that unpacks the stories making news in Washington. Listen at schwab.com slash Washington Wise.
J.R. Whalen 0:18
Here's your money briefing for Thursday, September 14th. I'm J.R.

Would you consider talking about finances during a date night?

J.R. Whalen 0:21
Whelan for The Wall Street Journal. Would you talk about personal finances while on a date? Some couples are doing just that.
Julia Carpenter 0:31
The end goal is to build more intimacy around money, to feel like you understand your partner's attitudes toward money, their goals, how they spend, how they save, and that they understand yours. That minimizes conflict over the long term.
J.R. Whalen 0:47
We'll talk to Wall Street Journal personal finance reporter Julia Carpenter after the break.

What exactly is a 'money date' and is it a new concept?

Unknown 1:00
This episode is brought to you by Charles Schwab. Decisions made in Washington can affect your portfolio every day. Washington Wise from Charles Schwab is an original podcast that unpacks the stories making news in Washington. Listen at schwab.com slash Washington Wise.
J.R. Whalen 1:19
Some couples hoping to sort out issues regarding their finances are having some of these awkward conversations on money dates. Wall Street Journal personal finance reporter Julia Carpenter is here to discuss. So, Julia, is the money date a new concept?
Julia Carpenter 1:35
The money date is not a new concept. It's just something that I hear every single time I talk to couples who are happy with how they're managing their money, happy with how they're communicating about money. And when I would interview couples therapists or financial advisors, this advice also kept coming up again and again. Do you have a money date? If not, get a money date. And so I wanted to explore what a money date is, how it works, why it's beneficial and how people do it.
J.R. Whalen 2:02
So we're talking about an actual literal date as in getting all dolled up and going out somewhere and talking about money?
Julia Carpenter 2:08
People can do it that way, and I interviewed several people who did. I also interviewed people who view it as more of just a date on the calendar, that this is their time to actually make it enjoyable, to sit down and put it on the big screen and pop some popcorn, or again, going to a steakhouse dinner, like getting dressed up, hiring a babysitter, making it something that you don't dread, but instead almost look forward to.

How can couples structure a money date—dinner out or calendar check-in?

J.R. Whalen 2:31
Now, many couples talk about money, but what specifically should be on the agenda on a money date?
Julia Carpenter 2:37
So it's specific to the couple. Some couples will do it by theme, like at the end of the year, they're planning for their holiday budget or at the beginning of the year, they're looking at the calendar and planning travel. But if you're unsure about where to start, I talked to Adam Cole. He's a couple's financial therapist, and he said you should start just looking at the credit card statement. Both of you sit down together, look over this transaction history. It can sound boring and dry, but it's a way to sort of wade in. You can look and just see, OK, is there anything wrong here? Is there any fraud? Oh, OK, we have this. We spend money on this. Oh, we don't want to spend money on this. Just as a way to sort of crack the door open.
J.R. Whalen 3:13
So it sounds like something more proactive than getting together in couples just lecturing each other about money.
Julia Carpenter 3:18
That's what you don't want it to be. You don't want it to be a blame game. You don't want it to be something that one partner feels like they're in the quote unquote right and the other partner is in the wrong. You want it to be just a way for you both to get on the same page and a way for you to both plan for the future.
J.R. Whalen 3:32
So what do financial experts say about talking money on a date? What exactly is the end goal?
Julia Carpenter 3:37
The end goal is to build more intimacy around money, to feel like you understand your partner's attitudes toward money, their goals, how they spend, how they save, and that they understand yours. That minimizes conflict over the long term. And when something then comes up during the week or during the month and you think, oh, okay, I really want to talk about how we're spending money on this, or I really want to talk about how far away we are from this, you don't have a fight in the moment.

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