Why ‘How’s Work?’ May Be the Toughest Question to Answer

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WSJ Your Money Briefing 6 min 2 speakers 7 chapters transcribed 2 months ago
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How does the episode introduce the awkward holiday question 'How's work?'?

J.R. Whalen 0:02
Here's your Money Briefing for Tuesday, December 19th. I'm J.R. Whelan for The Wall Street Journal. The holiday season is stressful enough. The gifts, the cooking, the travel. Add to that, when the family gets together, someone is bound to ask you the dreaded question, Happy Holidays!
Callum Borchers 0:24
How's work? Yeah, so how's it going at work? Do you want to share something that sounds impressive or at least is going to get relatives off your back? I mean, a lot of people have that. Maybe it's a nosy aunt. Maybe it's their own parents. Maybe it's the in-laws. It's somebody who seems like they're hard to impress.
J.R. Whalen 0:40
WSJ On The Clock columnist Callum Borshers has some ideas.

Why do people find 'How's work?' a loaded question during family gatherings?

J.R. Whalen 0:44
He'll join us after the break.
J.R. Whalen 1:00
Getting together for the holidays probably involves catching up with family and friends. But the simple question, hey, how's work, is enough to make some people cringe. Wall Street Journal On The Clock columnist Callum Borchers joins me. So, Callum, how's work?
Callum Borchers 1:16
Oh, you had to hit me with that one, didn't you, JR? It's such a simple question, isn't it? I mean, it's like in the go-to category of small talk, like traffic or the weather. But it can actually feel like a really heavy, loaded question for some folks.
J.R. Whalen 1:29
Does this mean I have to be ready for a bunch of small talk when the family gets together?
Callum Borchers 1:33
I'm afraid so. Make sure you have your comfortable topics ready to go. Maybe it's sports, you know, something that's nice and safe and maybe a little bit lighter than your job.
J.R. Whalen 1:40
But why do fairly innocuous questions from family or friends about work sometimes send shivers through people?
Callum Borchers 1:47
Well, look, it comes down to how you're going to be perceived by your loved ones, right?

When does small talk about work turn into a one‑upmanship contest?

Callum Borchers 1:51
So whether it's family or friends, you want to be able to give an update on your career status that's going to be satisfactory and make you sound like you're successful. I mean, you don't want to seem like you're an underachiever somehow. That's why it feels kind of high stakes for folks. And then, of course, there's what other people are going to have to say. Maybe you're perfectly happy in your own career. but you hate listening to, you know, your brother-in-law drone on about how he's crushing it in real estate. So there's a couple of layers to this one.
J.R. Whalen 2:17
If somebody is at a large family gathering where the work question's being brought up a lot, is there a danger of this eroding into a game of one-upmanship?
Callum Borchers 2:25
There absolutely is because everybody's making the same calculus you are, which is you want to share something that sounds impressive or at least is going to get relatives off your back. I mean, a lot of people have that nosy aunt. Maybe it's your own parents. Maybe it's the in-laws. It's somebody who seems like they're hard to impress. And somebody else at the party probably feels the same way.

What practical advice does Callum Borchers give for answering work questions briefly?

Callum Borchers 2:44
And so you want to be able to share something that's positive, that's upbeat. And yes, when somebody hears somebody else say something that sounds really good, there is kind of this implicit pressure to one-up them.
J.R. Whalen 2:55
So how should people approach this? They don't want to lie, but they also probably don't want to come across as irritable.
Callum Borchers 3:00
What I've heard from folks who say they feel like they're doing this successfully over the years is just trying to stay kind of at a surface level. So share some piece of what's going on at work. You don't want to complain too much. This is supposed to be a festive gathering after all. Nobody wants to hear you gripe about your boss or complain about how you got way less of a bonus than you really deserve. So avoid the whining. But I've also heard folks say you don't want to brag too much either because then you sort of sound like you're really full of yourself or maybe that you're just showing off. So Maybe not going too deep. I mean, one thing to remember is you don't owe everybody in your family full bearing of your soul.
Callum Borchers 3:37
You don't have to open up and go into great depth about all the particulars of your career.

How can you avoid sounding like you're bragging or whining about your job?

Callum Borchers 3:41
You can keep it at a high level.
J.R. Whalen 3:43
But what might contribute to people bracing for this question is that we've seen the job satisfaction levels have fallen to the lowest point in about four years.

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