Why Women Need to Stop Being “Nice” with Amy Remeikis
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Why does Amy argue that being “nice” is different from being kind?
Десь із НАМІДЯ подкаст. Everyone can think of a nice bully. Everyone can think of somebody in their orbit who is nice or described as others as nice, but they know that they are a terrible person. And so what I'm saying is screw nice and start being decent. Start being human and have human dignity. Because I think you'd be surprised the more that you start speaking up, the more you're actually going to be joined. By people who feel exactly the same way as you. Marie Clare presents You're gonna want to hear this.
Welcome back to your Gonna Wanna Hear This of Mary Claire Podcast. I'm your host, Georgie McCord. Now there are a few words women hear more often than be nice. From the time we're little girls, we're taught to be nice, don't make a fuss, don't be too loud, definitely don't be too emotional. And somewhere along the way, many of us learn that being liked is more important than being heard. But what if being nice isn't actually kindness? What if it's a way of keeping people quiet? My guest today is Amy Romakis, one of Australia's leading political journalists and cultural commentators. In her new book Screw Nice, Amy explores how the politics of civility is often used to silence women and marginalize voices and why it's time to stop prioritising politeness over speaking the truth.
Now this conversation isn't all politics. It's about the expectations that are placed on women every single day. In this conversation we talk about the pressure that women face to make themselves smaller why so many women are labelled difficult when they speak out, and also how we can stop confusing being nice with being decent. This is Amy Romakus and you are gonna wanna hear this. Now Amy, welcome.
Thank you for having me. Your
book is at Screw Nice. Not yeah, Screw Nice. Yes. Yeah.
I did want to call it something else, but I don't think I'd be able to appear in media. Okay, no, yeah. I feel
like Screw Nice is quite punchy. That's why when I said it I was like, it's definitely called Screw Nice. It's such a good such a good name for book. I wanna know about Screw Nice, 'cause it's your second book this year, which is incredible. What made you want to write Screw Nice now? Especially having just written another book? Was there one defining event or was it just years of watching niceness used as a form of control?
I think every single woman at some point has grappled with being the good girl and grappled with having to be nice and keep other people comfortable and sitting in their own discomfort to ensure the comfort of others. You know, we've smiled our way through like sexist or misogynistic meetings or, you know, interactions at the bar or even sometimes in our family, just the weight of expectations where You know, most women can't expect to go home and have a nice cooked dinner for them and to have a clean house. But men kind of have been conditioned to expect that regardless of like their class or place in society. It's not something that we allow women to think. We don't allow women to take up space.
We don't allow women or any really marginalized community to have opinions that are outside. Of the status quo safely. And so I've struggled against that my entire life. And I tried being the good girl and I tried being nice and it didn't fix anything. It just kind of made things worse for me in most cases. And I sort of was just looking around the world and looking at Donald Trump and looking at what's happening in Gaza and looking at just how we're all responding to like capitalism and just all of these. Really giant systemic issues weighing down on us. And looking at how we're still being policed to be nice about it. You're not allowed to protest, you're not allowed to speak up, you're not allowed to dissent, because that's uncivil.
And if we don't start tolerating the intolerable, it's only going to get worse. So it was really the state of the world where I was like, how are we still doing this? And at what point do we get to say niceness is not working, it's actually just oppression, and we need to basically map our own path through this by being kind and decent and all the rest of it, but not being nice to keep other people in power comfortable.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
Why does Amy argue that being “nice” is different from being kind?
0:04–5:13
2
What inspired Amy to write *Screw Nice* and how did the idea develop?
5:13–19:10
3
How does Amy define the difference between “nice” and “decent”?
19:10–32:21
4
Why are women often labeled “difficult” when they speak up?
32:21–45:12
5
How does the politics of civility silence women and marginalized voices?
45:12–52:36
Speakers
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