Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Dumbest Shark Tank Pitches w/ Mark Cuban | Your Mom's House Ep. 802
19 Mar 2025
Chapter 1: What are the dumbest Shark Tank pitches?
Chapter 2: What secret rich guy knowledge does Mark Cuban share?
Okay, so then you go, but you knew that I was dating a guy. No, I didn't know right away, obviously. You know, I was trying to like, I was like, she's cute, playing it cool. Yeah. Right? And then... Can I talk to you for a second?
I was like, let me holler at you for a second. And then... Yeah, I just remember – I probably didn't figure – I mean, I can't remember exactly. I didn't find out that night. But it's one of those things where, you know, after we met – Through the grapevine. You kind of either heard it through the grapevine or you go to – I don't know, do spots and you're like, oh, what's going on with her?
And then somebody mentioned. And I always had that thing, too, where it's like somebody seeing someone, you're just like, OK, like, you know. You're done. Yeah, you just accept. So it actually probably made us... more like just coworkers, right? Like, yes. Yeah. It forced you to get to see me as a person, not just blonde hair and tits a little bit.
Right. And I, I always feel like that's so like, I hate honestly seeing women as people because I've never really thought of them that way. Well, they're kind of stupid, right? Yeah. And also it's like, you know, you guys were kind of made for one thing and one thing only. I feel like that, I think it's pretty obvious. Three, three cooking, cleaning, uh,
Those are – I'm not really one of those guys that's like you got to clean for – I don't – I know that. It's nice that you do, but like it's really just be a jizz receptacle. That's your number one priority. I do know this about you. Yeah. Coming and eating are your priorities.
Yeah. And I'll figure out the eating on my own. So the main thing is, you know, what's that tit stitch like and what that mouth do. Right. So – Well, when I met you, I had the best pair of tits. I had such good tits because I wasn't fat. I didn't have kids. They were so good when we met. You got my tits at prime titty time. It's prime time tits for sure.
And then kids, cancer. But guess what? In August, I'm going to have my deep flap. They're going to reconstruct my tits out of my belly fat. I'm going to have a tummy tuck and new tits. You can choose. We can sit down and choose the tits of our dreams. What do you think I'm dreaming about when I go to sleep at night? These new tits? Tits, tits, tits. Stupid. So fucking stupid, huh?
Yeah, you know, oh, I guess I should probably, there's people watching who don't know who are like, what the fuck is going on with this guy's face? They get so upset. They get so upset. They get so bummed out when you're shaved. I know. Like, I was looking at a picture I posted of us on Instagram, and they're just, all the comments are like, Tom's face.
It's offensive. I know. It's honestly offensive to me. Yeah, it's like, come on. It's not that bad. Ha! So what happened was we did a live show, YMH Live 10. At this point, it's two weeks ago. So if you saw last week's show, that was actually before we recorded. So it's been two weeks.
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Chapter 3: How did Mark Cuban feel about trading Luka Doncic?
Chapter 4: What are the craziest moments from YMH Live X?
You always say I look like a hooker, but I didn't really look like a hooker. It's not that you look like one. It's that I thought you were one. Yeah. You had on fishnets, knee-high boots, you were smoking a cigarette, you were kind of like, I've been out here, I've been working, what's going on? Did not say that. Yeah. Okay, so then you go, but you knew that I was dating a guy.
No, I didn't know right away, obviously. You know, I was trying to like, I was like, she's cute, playing it cool. Yeah. Right? And then... Can I talk to you for a second?
I was like, let me holler at you for a second. And then... Yeah, I just remember – I probably didn't figure – I mean, I can't remember exactly. I didn't find out that night. But it's one of those things where, you know, after we met – Through the grapevine. You kind of either heard it through the grapevine or you go to – I don't know, do spots and you're like, oh, what's going on with her?
And then somebody mentioned. And I always had that thing, too, where it's like somebody seeing someone, you're just like, OK, like, you know. You're done. Yeah, you just accept. So it actually probably made us... more like just coworkers, right? Like, yes. Yeah. It forced you to get to see me as a person, not just blonde hair and tits a little bit.
Right. And I, I always feel like that's so like, I hate honestly seeing women as people because I've never really thought of them that way. Well, they're kind of stupid, right? Yeah. And also it's like, you know, you guys were kind of made for one thing and one thing only. I feel like that, I think it's pretty obvious. Three, three cooking, cleaning, uh,
Those are – I'm not really one of those guys that's like you got to clean for – I don't – I know that. It's nice that you do, but like it's really just be a jizz receptacle. That's your number one priority. I do know this about you. Yeah. Coming and eating are your priorities.
Yeah. And I'll figure out the eating on my own. So the main thing is, you know, what's that tit stitch like and what that mouth do. Right. So – Well, when I met you, I had the best pair of tits. I had such good tits because I wasn't fat. I didn't have kids. They were so good when we met. You got my tits at prime titty time. It's prime time tits for sure.
And then kids, cancer. But guess what? In August, I'm going to have my deep flap. They're going to reconstruct my tits out of my belly fat. I'm going to have a tummy tuck and new tits. You can choose. We can sit down and choose the tits of our dreams. What do you think I'm dreaming about when I go to sleep at night? These new tits? Tits, tits, tits. Stupid. So fucking stupid, huh?
Yeah, you know, oh, I guess I should probably, there's people watching who don't know who are like, what the fuck is going on with this guy's face? They get so upset. They get so upset. They get so bummed out when you're shaved.
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Chapter 5: How does Mark Cuban view the future of healthcare?
Chapter 6: What are the most memorable moments from the latest live show?
Yeah, you know, oh, I guess I should probably, there's people watching who don't know who are like, what the fuck is going on with this guy's face? They get so upset. They get so upset.
Chapter 7: How does AI influence the podcast industry?
They get so bummed out when you're shaved. I know. Like, I was looking at a picture I posted of us on Instagram, and they're just, all the comments are like, Tom's face.
It's offensive. I know. It's honestly offensive to me. Yeah, it's like, come on. It's not that bad. Ha! So what happened was we did a live show, YMH Live 10. At this point, it's two weeks ago. So if you saw last week's show, that was actually before we recorded. So it's been two weeks.
It was, and I don't think I'm exaggerating, not only the most fun for us, but I think clearly the best live show we've ever done. Hands down the best. It was fucking awesome. Everything went so perfectly. The comedy, the sketches were bangers. Dan Soder, perfect guest. The best.
Couldn't have been better. You, by the way, were the bell of the bowl. Yes. We all know Tom was Robert Smith of The Cure, and I could not take my eyes off of you. If you're not aware of what happened, if you're like, what is this? It's that I committed to the idea of being your fantasy on the live show, who is Robert Smith of The Cure. God, you looked so good. I couldn't stop staring at him.
Look how happy I am. I loved it. You know what the best part is? We were getting ready for the show, and you were talking to the team, and I was like, oh my God. Robert Smith's here. Like, I loved it. He looked so good. Look how bummed out you are, too. It's so good. I was trying to be his, you know, depressed, regular kind of guy.
Oh my God, Robert Smith, are you so happy to be inducted in the Hall of Fame? Not as excited as you, apparently. He said later that he felt bad about that. Did he? Yeah, he said that he didn't realize he was being video recorded. So he was just kind of like, he felt bad that it was seen as really shitty to her. Yeah. Yeah, he felt bad.
Yeah, I think he's a decent dude. I've never heard anything bad about Robert Smith. Yeah. Never. He just likes being a musician. They have a good band. I don't know anything about him. I do. I know a lot. He's been married to the same woman, Mary Poole, since they were like 20-something years old. Mm-hmm.
They live in Sussex or he's from Sussex. Oh, there we are. Tommy Scissorhands. Look at me. I love it. Yeah. Well, we'll get into all this. It really was the, it was the best dude. Um, we've done 10 YMH lives, which is also a huge accomplishment. Yeah. You know, it really is.
Um, but it'd been a while and really wanted to do another one because it's just so much fun to, This one had everything out of 10. I think for me, primarily the thing that makes you go, this was so great, is that the pre-recorded bits were such bangers. Charo with Alexis Fox on introducing the OnlyFans was amazing. Charo had no idea that the things that were there were the things that they were.
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Chapter 8: What are the implications of Charles Manson's story?
It was a touching tribute to my father. Yep. And then... Daniel Pineda. Daniel Pineda. Daniel Pineda was in that. Ryan Sickler was in that. There she is. There she is. Gosh, she's so thoroughly talented.
It's upsetting. When you make, so I've made multiple shorts. When you get real actors, like serious actors in something, it actually makes you realize like, oh, this is why in features, like when you go like, why are movie stars like paid? They elevate the thing so much. Like our silly little idea just takes on a whole new thing when you have a really good actor in it.
Well, she's got to say some absurd lines and deliver them sincerely. It's very hard. So it's a fine line she has to walk to make it believable and funny and everything. No, she can do it all. She's amazing. She has a big movie coming out, I think, next month or this month.
Yeah. yeah it was just bangers dude the accountant too yeah she's gonna be in the accountant too just bangers this this ymh like you and i were were buzzing for days after we recorded ymh live yeah i couldn't sleep that night i was so jazzed about how it all went yeah it was oh my god his soda was like perfect will blunderfield did his thing duncan trussell our own tanner and that's so good yeah
there's duncan and tanner pissing together in a cup god yeah the will blunderfield thing was amazing everything um oh there we are watching the heavy not really watching that yeah dan was dan it got to him he was like i'm fine this is good and then he was like oh god We'll get to that. We'll get to those in a second. Why don't we open the show, and then we'll get to our favorite clips from that.
So much to talk about. Okay. Here you go.
We were in bed, and I guess you know, I'll just be honest with you, I buried my face in her vagina. Okay. She didn't shave, and that's what I wanted, and I basically... sucked this woman's pussy for an hour and a half. An hour and a half. Okay. And I loved every fucking minute of it. Yeah. I mean, just, I didn't let nothing go. Yeah. Of course, she did the same to me.
And, of course, I had a hard time getting horrid. Who is Randy?
Don't bring anyone mother to me.
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