Abby Wambach

Because that all of my energy is either going to holding or resenting and being like, why can't someone help me hold this?

Why is no one seeing how heavy this is to hold and why can't they help me?

And that reframing was like.

Maybe we're not helping you because we don't want you to keep holding it.

Maybe we're not helping you because that would just keep your arms in the air for the rest of your life and ours too.

Maybe we're not helping you because the whole fucking point is to put it down.

And that for me has changed my

myself a little bit because it is entering just this little bit of calculus that's like, here's a heavy plate.

Okay, great.

Got it.

It's more like, do I want to hold that plate?

Do I even like that plate?

What has that plate done for me?

Do I want that plate in my life before I take it on?

And that is just not even a thing that used to be part of my life.

So for me, the control...

even starts earlier, it's like, do I want that in my life?

And the other part of it is also that Audre Lorde quote, that's you pay attention to the present you're constructing, it should look a lot like the future you're dreaming, is that I am trying to really condense

the window between what I say I want and hope for my future self and what I say I will take on for my present self.

Those two things together have allowed me a little more breathing room because the control has to do with, you've got to maintain a really, really lot of control if you're holding up