Abby

I just felt like I couldn't show up for them.

I think you gave me this advice, Abby.

So this was good.

But you were like, it's good for them to see you grieving.

It's good for them to see you, like, sad.

I don't know how you said it.

And I think other friends gave me that advice as well because I was, like, so stuck in this.

Like, I can't be around them if I'm just such a bother.

Like, if I'm just so down.

And so then it was, like, me retreating.

And, like, Matt was doing everything for the kids.

And that's a privilege because, like, this mom who called in, like, she might not have that as an option.

And I just want to say, like, it's okay because I needed to hear this too.

It's okay for your kids to see you down.

It's, I think, important to follow up a conversation, though, about, like, what you are down about in a child-appropriate way.

And finding ways to do that was really important for me because I think this is how kids also start to learn how to cope with their own feelings.

Knowing that – I've heard it said before, too, like, when kids experience, like, an emotion and they feel like –

mom or dad never had like they never experienced this they don't know what it's like and it can that can feel really confusing and lonely for kids so like saying like mom feels sad right now and I would like tell them like why I was sad in a child appropriate way and that like felt like a relief to me that I didn't have to just completely disappear because I was just like sad and it also feel like for them like then they had a frame of reference where it's like okay like then they would bring it up to me and so I feel like that was like

I'm not explaining this well at all.

But basically don't feel like you have to shield your kids from that.