Adam Grant

It's another to communicate them.

For more than a decade, I've been test-driving strategies for saying no, and I've found three that consistently work.

They tend to avoid negative reactions, and sometimes even elicit positive ones, like, wow, I respect your boundaries, and huh, I need to do more of that myself.

You could just say no.

But if you're worried that the other person might be upset, it can be helpful to give reasons.

Research suggests that when you provide a credible explanation, people are more understanding, even if it's not the response they wanted.

That goes to my first strategy for saying no.

Explain your personal policies.

When you walk through your philosophy on boundaries, you make it clear to people that you're not rejecting them.

It's not about them at all.

An easy one is like, will you post about my book on social media?

No, that would quickly turn my feed into book launch spam.

I can't do it for everyone.

I won't do it for anyone.

Sure enough, there's evidence that if you're the one being asked, you tend to focus on the outcome for the help seeker.

But they judge the interaction more by how they're treated in the process.

This speaks to the second strategy, conveying care.

You can say no in a way that still shows concern for others.

Research reveals that this is especially effective for women to avoid backlash.

I often just say, sorry, my plate is beyond full.