Alexandra Carter

We always have to start by thinking about what it is that we're actually trying to accomplish.

Let's take the bathroom, right?

So let's say, for example, the problem you're trying to solve is that you're renovating your bathroom because you're going to sell your house.

That is one set of decisions, right?

Maybe you're putting stuff in there that you think other people will like.

Or are you renovating the bathroom because you're going to live there for the next 30 years?

Or maybe even that your spouse had an accident and you need wheelchair access.

In that case, thinking about the problem you're trying to solve, all of your decisions flow from that.

So whether you're talking to your child about screen time in the home or whether you're negotiating for more salary, what's the problem I want to solve is the first question you should ask.

You know, a lot of times, especially during times of uncertainty or crisis, we're facing a situation and we're anxious about it.

You know, maybe we're trying to negotiate for flex time, you know, or childcare as, you know, companies return to work.

Or maybe we've got issues in the home.

And here's a question that I find helps people to gain that confidence.

And the question is, how have I handled this successfully in the past?

This is a great question to ask before you go into any conversation for two reasons.

The first is that simply asking the question acts as what we call a power prime.

What does that mean?

It means that simply by recalling a previous success before you go in to negotiate, you are proven to perform better.

There's been research to demonstrate it.

The second reason to ask this really powerful question is that oftentimes when we look back at a prior success, this is a data generator.