Alexandra Carter

It's a yes or no.

And when you ask somebody a yes or no question, what's the easiest thing for them to answer?

No.

And so,

I want you to change that question.

I want you instead to ask questions that start with, tell me.

Tell me how we can work together to get my compensation to the level that this position demands.

Tell me what I need to do to demonstrate to you that I'm ready for the next level of management.

Or even at home, you know, tell me, I've noticed you've been on your screens a lot today.

Tell me more about what that's doing for you.

You know, it sounds crazy, but that kind of question, even with a child, produces so much more information than you would get by asking a closed question.

When I learned how to start my conversations with tell me, I made more deals.

I had better relationships.

And to be honest,

you know, it affected even just the amount of, you know, peace and happiness I felt every day.

So the first time I ever negotiated for a speaking gig, I was a fairly young professor.

And somebody approached me.

It was the dad of one of the little babies that my daughter played with.

And he said, we'd love to bring you in.

So I negotiated with them.