Alfie

It was very clear the girl on the gurney was almost entirely steamless by that point. She was in shock. What I remember really distinctly was she looked at me with those half-shut eyes and she tried to say something, but I don't know what it was. I couldn't hear her, so I just smiled and said something generic, like, we're going to look after you, like I would to anyone.

She looked me in the eye and it wasn't acceptance exactly, but it was like, She knew. She smiled as best she could, and very slightly shook her head. Behind me, I could hear the junior doctor, Hayley, going spare, talking fast about calling the consultant, about booking a surgery suite, about ordering more bloods, more fluids to restock the fridges, and I couldn't make my body move.

She looked me in the eye and it wasn't acceptance exactly, but it was like, She knew. She smiled as best she could, and very slightly shook her head. Behind me, I could hear the junior doctor, Hayley, going spare, talking fast about calling the consultant, about booking a surgery suite, about ordering more bloods, more fluids to restock the fridges, and I couldn't make my body move.

Hayley grabbed my arm, waffling still about calling the consultant or whatever, and I looked up from the patient's half-lidded eyes, and Hayley just immediately shut up. It felt like we stood there in silence for ages, It was probably only a second or two, really.

Hayley grabbed my arm, waffling still about calling the consultant or whatever, and I looked up from the patient's half-lidded eyes, and Hayley just immediately shut up. It felt like we stood there in silence for ages, It was probably only a second or two, really.

It was one of those transparent moments where you can see right through to exactly what is going to happen next, but for now you're just stuck there, knowing. Powerless. Hayley released her grip on my arm and swallowed. Her expression was set, drained, and we were both completely still for a second, looking at the girl on the gurney. I nodded at Hayley. She nodded back.

It was one of those transparent moments where you can see right through to exactly what is going to happen next, but for now you're just stuck there, knowing. Powerless. Hayley released her grip on my arm and swallowed. Her expression was set, drained, and we were both completely still for a second, looking at the girl on the gurney. I nodded at Hayley. She nodded back.

We did everything we could, filled her with fluids, blood, plasma, but she died there, on the gurney, just like Hayley and I both knew she would. Hastily fitted IVs were stopped, monitors detached. I closed her eyes.

We did everything we could, filled her with fluids, blood, plasma, but she died there, on the gurney, just like Hayley and I both knew she would. Hastily fitted IVs were stopped, monitors detached. I closed her eyes.

Hayley performed the slow, arduous task of pronouncing the definitely dead girl dead, and me and the other nurses went back to flitting between other patients in A&E as best as we could. All in, it was 32 minutes since she came through the door.

Hayley performed the slow, arduous task of pronouncing the definitely dead girl dead, and me and the other nurses went back to flitting between other patients in A&E as best as we could. All in, it was 32 minutes since she came through the door.

I don't remember who I was seeing next, maybe stitching gashes on an arm, fitting an IV, drawing blood, but I know at some point I looked up to see a distraught woman in slippers and pink flamingo pyjamas with a duffel coat over the top, bounding through the door. She was the spitting image of the girl on the gurney.

I don't remember who I was seeing next, maybe stitching gashes on an arm, fitting an IV, drawing blood, but I know at some point I looked up to see a distraught woman in slippers and pink flamingo pyjamas with a duffel coat over the top, bounding through the door. She was the spitting image of the girl on the gurney.

Hayley had just finished pronouncing the girl dead, and as soon as she saw the woman in the pink flamingo pyjamas, her face paled. I didn't hear the conversation, but I caught glimpses between pressing ice packs on forearms and checking drips in the back of elderly people's hands. The woman in the pink flamingo pyjamas covered her mouth, and then her face.

Hayley had just finished pronouncing the girl dead, and as soon as she saw the woman in the pink flamingo pyjamas, her face paled. I didn't hear the conversation, but I caught glimpses between pressing ice packs on forearms and checking drips in the back of elderly people's hands. The woman in the pink flamingo pyjamas covered her mouth, and then her face.

She sat down slowly, shoulders rising to her ears. It's always the same. Hayley wandered over to me, limply, and I politely excused myself from whatever tired I was attempting to stem to meet her halfway. She told me it was the first person she'd declared dead that wasn't elderly. We went outside to smoke, down the back of the hospital.

She sat down slowly, shoulders rising to her ears. It's always the same. Hayley wandered over to me, limply, and I politely excused myself from whatever tired I was attempting to stem to meet her halfway. She told me it was the first person she'd declared dead that wasn't elderly. We went outside to smoke, down the back of the hospital.

There were these unnaturally bright white lights which made the darkness beyond the little patch of light we were standing in feel even darker. We were standing slightly too far apart. I had to really stretch when I held out my box of cigarettes to her. Hayley wasn't a smoker, but she took one anyway. We stood there in silence, trailing smoke in thin wisps up towards the floodlights.

There were these unnaturally bright white lights which made the darkness beyond the little patch of light we were standing in feel even darker. We were standing slightly too far apart. I had to really stretch when I held out my box of cigarettes to her. Hayley wasn't a smoker, but she took one anyway. We stood there in silence, trailing smoke in thin wisps up towards the floodlights.

Out of nowhere, Hayley made this strange noise like a kicked dog. I looked up at her in alarm with my saucer-wide, sleep-deprived eyes, half expecting her leg to have fallen off or gallons of blood to be pouring out of her ears, but instead she was just crying. She pulled the sleeves of her jacket over her hands and covered her face with them. All of a sudden, she looked very young.