Alison Wood Brooks

That's right.

Rosalind, don't beat yourself up.

We all do this all the time.

I think there's something, an important point here, which is the question itself wasn't offensive.

And this is often the case that questions are not offensive, topics aren't sensitive, but what is sensitive is the context.

I wasn't surprised at all in listening to this question that in the middle, Rosalind said it was in front of other people.

As soon as it's no longer a one-on-one conversation, as soon as a third person pulls up a chair or even more people are there, the potential for shame enters the conversation.

So imagine if Rosalind had asked that exact same question, but it had been one-on-one with this friend.

It probably would have been fine.

And maybe it would have even been a place where they could have become closer and this friend said, you know, I feel a little embarrassed that I'm not able to buy a house yet.

But these small moves in conversation in groups, there's so many more people watching and the potential for judgment that even questions that in another context would not be sensitive can become much more threatening and sort of embarrassing and filled with the potential for shame.

Oh, Jean, it's such a great question.

I think many people feel this way about certain people in their lives.

It's one that I keep in mind too.

Conversation is a place that profoundly makes us reflect about what we have control over and what we don't have control over.

I mean, ultimately, you can't force other people to ask you questions.

Um, you know, at the beginning of a relationship, I think, let's say in dating, it's a legitimate reason to say, you know what, maybe I don't want to go on a second date with this person.

But once you're in a long-term friendship or a long-term relationship and that friend or your romantic partner is

If it's really bothering you that they're not showing more curiosity or interest about your life or they're not asking questions, or maybe it's bugging you that they're not asking questions to other people and you have to sort of suffer through their habits, observing their habits, and you feel embarrassed.

I do think if you're in a good, sturdy, trusting relationship, this is the kind of thing you could think about giving them feedback about, right?