Alison Wood Brooks

And our more recent research on listening, what we find is great conversationalists use their words to show people that they've heard them. Those can't be faked. So if you're sitting on Zoom, you can be like smiling and nodding, but you're off to the side making a grocery list or texting your friends.

What you can't fake are things like follow-up questions, callbacks, which is your ding, ding, ding, I think. Yeah. Right? Love a ding, ding, ding. Can't fake a ding, ding, ding if you didn't hear it the first time. Yep. Paraphrasing what other people have said, repeating back to them what they've said. Am I understanding you right?

What you can't fake are things like follow-up questions, callbacks, which is your ding, ding, ding, I think. Yeah. Right? Love a ding, ding, ding. Can't fake a ding, ding, ding if you didn't hear it the first time. Yep. Paraphrasing what other people have said, repeating back to them what they've said. Am I understanding you right?

What you can't fake are things like follow-up questions, callbacks, which is your ding, ding, ding, I think. Yeah. Right? Love a ding, ding, ding. Can't fake a ding, ding, ding if you didn't hear it the first time. Yep. Paraphrasing what other people have said, repeating back to them what they've said. Am I understanding you right?

There's another piece of kindness that we haven't talked about yet, which is receptiveness to opposing viewpoints. So when you confront a moment of difficulty... where you really disagree, many of these same skills, the listening with your words and validating people, that's when it becomes especially important and especially hard to do. Imagine you hate people who had affairs.

There's another piece of kindness that we haven't talked about yet, which is receptiveness to opposing viewpoints. So when you confront a moment of difficulty... where you really disagree, many of these same skills, the listening with your words and validating people, that's when it becomes especially important and especially hard to do. Imagine you hate people who had affairs.

There's another piece of kindness that we haven't talked about yet, which is receptiveness to opposing viewpoints. So when you confront a moment of difficulty... where you really disagree, many of these same skills, the listening with your words and validating people, that's when it becomes especially important and especially hard to do. Imagine you hate people who had affairs.

And in that moment, you're friends with them having an affair. I hate half the world. And in that moment, what a good conversationalist would do would be, I hear that you're saying you had an affair. It makes so much sense that you're feeling upset about that. Let's consider for a second why this is a bad decision.

And in that moment, you're friends with them having an affair. I hate half the world. And in that moment, what a good conversationalist would do would be, I hear that you're saying you had an affair. It makes so much sense that you're feeling upset about that. Let's consider for a second why this is a bad decision.

And in that moment, you're friends with them having an affair. I hate half the world. And in that moment, what a good conversationalist would do would be, I hear that you're saying you had an affair. It makes so much sense that you're feeling upset about that. Let's consider for a second why this is a bad decision.

So before you go on to disagree with them, you have to do that hard work of validating them. And almost everyone skips over that. Totally.

So before you go on to disagree with them, you have to do that hard work of validating them. And almost everyone skips over that. Totally.

So before you go on to disagree with them, you have to do that hard work of validating them. And almost everyone skips over that. Totally.

Nobody's doing it.

Nobody's doing it.

Nobody's doing it.

I love watching that show. Actually, one of the tactics most helpful on that show, they have these really lovely coaches who come in before their dates and they have them brainstorm topics. Ahead of time. And I'm like, yeah, everybody needs to be doing that.

I love watching that show. Actually, one of the tactics most helpful on that show, they have these really lovely coaches who come in before their dates and they have them brainstorm topics. Ahead of time. And I'm like, yeah, everybody needs to be doing that.

I love watching that show. Actually, one of the tactics most helpful on that show, they have these really lovely coaches who come in before their dates and they have them brainstorm topics. Ahead of time. And I'm like, yeah, everybody needs to be doing that.

In all different vectors. In all different directions.