Alison Wood Brooks

It's wild. This has been very eye-opening for me. When you're in a conversation, as soon as you stumble across even any sort of difference, when you realize, oh, this person feels differently than me, or they have a belief that's different than mine, or they have a piece of their identity that's very different, our instinct is to focus so strongly on that disagreement or that difference and

It's wild. This has been very eye-opening for me. When you're in a conversation, as soon as you stumble across even any sort of difference, when you realize, oh, this person feels differently than me, or they have a belief that's different than mine, or they have a piece of their identity that's very different, our instinct is to focus so strongly on that disagreement or that difference and

It's wild. This has been very eye-opening for me. When you're in a conversation, as soon as you stumble across even any sort of difference, when you realize, oh, this person feels differently than me, or they have a belief that's different than mine, or they have a piece of their identity that's very different, our instinct is to focus so strongly on that disagreement or that difference and

that we almost completely forget about the 99% of other things that we have in common and agree about. I mean, really, like, everyone wants to feel loved. Everyone wants to feel safe. Everyone wants to feel adored and admired. Everyone likes ice cream. Everybody likes being in a warm room, right? Like there's so many things that we all agree about.

that we almost completely forget about the 99% of other things that we have in common and agree about. I mean, really, like, everyone wants to feel loved. Everyone wants to feel safe. Everyone wants to feel adored and admired. Everyone likes ice cream. Everybody likes being in a warm room, right? Like there's so many things that we all agree about.

that we almost completely forget about the 99% of other things that we have in common and agree about. I mean, really, like, everyone wants to feel loved. Everyone wants to feel safe. Everyone wants to feel adored and admired. Everyone likes ice cream. Everybody likes being in a warm room, right? Like there's so many things that we all agree about.

And for whatever reason, all of those things sort of go out the window and we fixate on these little moments of disagreement and difference.

And for whatever reason, all of those things sort of go out the window and we fixate on these little moments of disagreement and difference.

And for whatever reason, all of those things sort of go out the window and we fixate on these little moments of disagreement and difference.

Yeah. And this is not to say that the areas of disagreement are not real. They are real, but it may be that it's actually 15% of the painting as opposed to 85% of the painting.

Yeah. And this is not to say that the areas of disagreement are not real. They are real, but it may be that it's actually 15% of the painting as opposed to 85% of the painting.

Yeah. And this is not to say that the areas of disagreement are not real. They are real, but it may be that it's actually 15% of the painting as opposed to 85% of the painting.

That's right. And we forget about the rest of the painting.

That's right. And we forget about the rest of the painting.

That's right. And we forget about the rest of the painting.

One of the other ideas that Julia Minson and others talk about is that when we are proposing our ideas, so when it's our turn to speak, to hedge those ideas a little bit, to not speak in overly declarative language or confident language, to basically say, I think, or here's something to think about. What does that do in a difficult conversation, Allison?

One of the other ideas that Julia Minson and others talk about is that when we are proposing our ideas, so when it's our turn to speak, to hedge those ideas a little bit, to not speak in overly declarative language or confident language, to basically say, I think, or here's something to think about. What does that do in a difficult conversation, Allison?

One of the other ideas that Julia Minson and others talk about is that when we are proposing our ideas, so when it's our turn to speak, to hedge those ideas a little bit, to not speak in overly declarative language or confident language, to basically say, I think, or here's something to think about. What does that do in a difficult conversation, Allison?

It goes back to this idea of our instinct says that I'm right and I'm going to prove to you that I'm right. And to do that, I need to say it in such a compelling and strong way that you can't possibly deny that I'm right. We forget that it's really hard to be on the receiving end of that, to be the listener and to be receiving such like strong words. statement, righteous sort of language.

It goes back to this idea of our instinct says that I'm right and I'm going to prove to you that I'm right. And to do that, I need to say it in such a compelling and strong way that you can't possibly deny that I'm right. We forget that it's really hard to be on the receiving end of that, to be the listener and to be receiving such like strong words. statement, righteous sort of language.