Allegra

I don't know for how long that lasted.

I definitely had an out-of-body disassociative experience in that moment, kind of saw myself from above.

I saw my life flash before my eyes a little bit.

I was like, this is very bad and I could die.

And how am I going to get myself out of this?

I had never experienced any sort of violence in my life like that ever.

He did remove his hands from my throat.

And I think I said something to the effect of, can we take a little break or something like that?

to kind of try to de-escalate.

Obviously, I'm very scared, freaked out at this point because of what had just happened.

And who had the power in the room was abundantly clear to me.

So I was just trying to do what I could to appease him for long enough that I would be able to safely get out of that.

closet out of that house and back to home i think he asked for me to perform oral sex on him and obviously when that level of violence has already been perpetrated against you i said yes as a means of survival but i don't want anyone to perceive that as actual consent

Because that was a yes under duress because I thought it would keep me alive, not because I had any interest in what was happening.

And so I ended up performing oral sex on him.

He raped me again.

We put our clothes on and he had the flashlight on his phone pulled up.

And I kind of felt like maybe he was taking pictures of me or something.

I don't know why I felt that.

I don't think that was the case, though, in the end.