Allegra

I don't want to go any further.

And then just like that, he was penetrating me.

And very quickly after putting himself inside of me, he got on top of me and put the heels of his hands together over my throat and put his full upper body weight so I couldn't breathe.

But it wasn't like a traditional strangling so that it wouldn't leave feelings.

fingerprint bruises that we see with a lot of regular manual strangulation, it was pushing down on my trachea.

So I was no longer able to breathe, say no, cry out for help since there were a lot of other people in this house.

I don't know for how long that lasted.

I definitely had an out-of-body disassociative experience in that moment, kind of saw myself from above.

I saw my life flash before my eyes a little bit.

I was like, this is very bad and I could die.

And how am I going to get myself out of this?

I had never experienced any sort of violence in my life like that ever.

He did remove his hands from my throat.

And I think I said something to the effect of, can we take a little break or something like that?

to kind of try to de-escalate.

Obviously, I'm very scared, freaked out at this point because of what had just happened.

And who had the power in the room was abundantly clear to me.

So I was just trying to do what I could to appease him for long enough that I would be able to safely get out of that.

closet out of that house and back to home i think he asked for me to perform oral sex on him and obviously when that level of violence has already been perpetrated against you i said yes as a means of survival but i don't want anyone to perceive that as actual consent

Because that was a yes under duress because I thought it would keep me alive, not because I had any interest in what was happening.