Allegra

Greek life meant a lot to me at that time, and it still does.

So just knowing that he was going to be a part of that environment, I didn't even know how to go about navigating that.

And then he texted me.

I hadn't even really decided how I felt or hadn't come to terms with labeling what had happened to me with the correct term.

And he's texting me wanting to go out again in air quotes.

We didn't go out the first time.

I had a fawning response, which still to this day is one of the hardest aspects of my experience for me.

And I can give myself a little bit more grace about it now because I don't think I gave enough credit to how scary and how life-threatening of a situation I was in.

So I texted him things that alluded to the fact that I wasn't thinking that I was raped, wasn't thinking about what happened the night before negatively, when I did definitely think I was not okay with what happened afterwards.

I had felt threatened and afraid for my life, so I just wanted to continue to appease him and keep him at arm's distance until I could figure out what I wanted to do.

But by the end of that Sunday, I had come to terms with what had happened.

He was talking about the fact that we had gotten together and framing it as like this wonderful hookup to people.

The rumor mill was starting.

Sorority sisters were saying like, hey, what happened between you and Justin?

We're hearing stuff.

People pointing out that doesn't really sound like something that you would consent to.

Are you sure that you are okay?

We're talking 2017.

So like Fifty Shades of Grey was big at this time.

I feel like he was trying to portray it that we had kinky sex.