Amanda

So he would kind of downplay, I don't know, how I felt about myself all the time.

And then the house was never clean enough.

The kids were never quiet enough.

It was a lot of that when they were growing up.

Now that I've changed and I feel like I look different and I behave different, now I get a lot of, I don't like the way you look.

I don't like the way you talk.

I don't like, I just feel like it doesn't matter what I look and say and do.

I'm not good enough or right for him.

So I just, I don't know quite what to do with those feelings because I don't want to be divorced and I don't want to leave him.

And I understand we've lived together.

a pretty great life.

It's just a lot of these feelings have just kind of all piled up on themselves and I don't know how to deal with it.

Yeah, I describe it as a death.

Wow.

I never thought to do that.

No, that's absolutely it.

That's absolutely it.

I mean, about four years ago, I found out I had breast cancer.

And he was so hands-off with me.

It was almost surprising to me how hands-off.