Amy Griffin
speaker
222 appearances
2 recordings
2 series
first heard Mar 2025
last heard Mar 2025
Amy Griffin’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
And I realized, oh, these vistas, these views, these places that I'm seeing now and this life that I built, this is the manifestation of all the things that I was doing in my brain when horrible things were happening to me that I had to leave. And
The profound gratitude I have for my parents in saying, like, which path could I have taken, a divergent path to, you know, so many different divergent paths, but to go home and have a very loving, supportive place where it just, it's everything. I've tried to tell my parents that because there's no one, there's no parent who wishes... more than anything that they couldn't take this away.
And I didn't want, I think that a lot of the withholding was the love that I have for my parents. I didn't know if I could put this on them, especially as a 12 year old child. You don't have the skills, the coping skills to actually go and tell someone this is like, One thing I love this idea of telling, that telling is the easiest thing in the world.
Telling is the simplest form of you tell someone when you're hungry, you tell someone, you just tell them. Everything happens in the telling every day. But yet, this simple form of communication can be the most difficult thing that we all do. And it has to be so intentional in our lives. And the intention we put behind it is what we get out of it. So that's the relationship piece we get back.
Can I just touch on one thing about Bessel? And I think it's really important. I was talking about the resources that after I had my first session, you know, my world was turned upside down. Yes. It turned upside down. I write about memory that I have this memory of a coffee cup with the straw and the... I've always seen myself 100% as a glass half full of, okay, let's top it up.
Let's just keep going. Let's live on the top half. But in this moment, I looked across and I saw the straw and I saw the glass, the coffee cup half full. And I thought, I'm definitely down in the dark part right now with the coffee. I don't know where, I don't know what's up and what's down. And You know, is everything in my life a lie? Am I going to have to rebuild my life?
And I was going to say that one of the things I did was take a stack of books. And I just retreated inward. And Bessel's book was the first book that I picked up. The Body Keeps the Score. The Body Keeps the Score. And I mean, I just like inhaled it. And then I inhaled it again. And I took notes and made notes.
I didn't want it to be real. You didn't want it to be real. I wanted it to go away.
I wanted to put it back in my brain. Yes. But really, once I said it, and then once I said it to myself, and then once I wrote it down a thousand times, I never wanted it to go away. And I accepted it for what it was. And I would be lying if I said that...
I'm all done and I wrote the book and the book is good here and I've told the world my story and now it's all good and I never think about it again. But that's never going to be the case. I'm never going to be. But the acknowledgement of it, the telling of it, in that first act of just being honest with myself, it's just wildly liberating.
I literally live now for that experience to hear other people say, Whatever it is, whether you only tell yourself or whether you go and you share it with your best friend and then that best friend shares it with someone else and then it just shows you. And that's why when I talk about my experience of writing, it's only from my experience.
So much of it. But when I look back, I think the process as someone, as a business person, as someone who's a competitive athlete, is the things that I've talked about sorting out over these years of the things that I wanted to. And we can all go through this cleaning your closet phase of yourself. I could throw everything out. that happened to me and say, this was all bad.
And it was, that was bad. But I was also able to sort out the parts of myself that I really like or the resilient parts or the parts that were, you know, as I went through this process, as this all unfolded,
You know, I recognize this, that at one part in the book, I'm trying to do the perfect thing, which is having gone from finding this out to, oh, no, no, no, I'm going to do what I normally do in my life, which is build up castles around me. I'm going to build whatever that perfect word is. And it's all going to be around me so that then no one can touch me.
Because if I can just do that, then I don't need anyone. I don't, I don't, I can only just, I can give to others. I can make them look good and it doesn't have to be about me. And that's where there was another, you know, it was one process into the next. It went from one, you know, phase into the next. And I only can take it all in now that I've looked back at this process.
I mean, it still continues. The process has continued outside of the book. But there was this place and you talk about this bike ride with my husband where I say to him, you know, John, why do you not have more information about this? You're supposed to be leading the investigation and doing all of this. And he turned to me, and again, he's always right.
He's like my mother, that there's this, you know, he said, Amy, I can't be your husband and love you the way that I do and also conduct this investigation. And here I was putting this on him to say, go do this, this, this, this, and this for me so I can be perfect and build all this up around me so we can get to a conclusion. I can hold this person accountable.
I can make sure this person never does this again. And then we'll all just move on with our lives. And once again, I've done the thing the right way I was supposed to. I'm a good girl and I have achieved. And that was the moment where I realized that I can't do that.
I can't go inward and take care of myself and all that's gone on and really acknowledge it and have compassion at the same time, which is what the book is about because the book is not... the book of my trauma journey.
The book is this, you know, it goes all over the place from being this crazy ride of an investigation to the things that happened and to come out the other end and realize, oh, I couldn't do all of that. I couldn't, I couldn't go forward. I couldn't, the perfect piece of that, like solving this. was maybe not what I needed. That's not the aftermath of what I needed. I needed to go in for me.
Showing 61–80 of 222 · page 4 of 12
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