Andrew Hawkins

Um, which is okay for me to say today, it took me 20 years in, in sobriety to even realize that there was an abandonment in my life by him. Um, and because I would never do that to my own kid and it, it, it were the situation reversed and it was a, um, You know, and looking back on that home situation, 14 years old, self-will run riot.

Um, which is okay for me to say today, it took me 20 years in, in sobriety to even realize that there was an abandonment in my life by him. Um, and because I would never do that to my own kid and it, it, it were the situation reversed and it was a, um, You know, and looking back on that home situation, 14 years old, self-will run riot.

It would be the best way to describe what was going on in my head and my behaviors. And without supervision, you know, horrific things develop. So there was that in me. in very large amounts.

It would be the best way to describe what was going on in my head and my behaviors. And without supervision, you know, horrific things develop. So there was that in me. in very large amounts.

Oh, very well. You know, a lot of addiction and alcoholism is characterized by a duality of lives, right? So on one hand, I was sinking further and further into my addiction. And alcoholism and the behaviors that are associated with it, which are just as destructive.

Oh, very well. You know, a lot of addiction and alcoholism is characterized by a duality of lives, right? So on one hand, I was sinking further and further into my addiction. And alcoholism and the behaviors that are associated with it, which are just as destructive.

On the other hand, you know, nine to five, I am, you know, rock starring in great grades, president of my senior class, you know, you know, doing all the right moves in all the right groups, doing all the right things. And by the way, a lot of really fun, great stuff was happening to me in high school. But my five to nine, so to speak, was a lot of...

On the other hand, you know, nine to five, I am, you know, rock starring in great grades, president of my senior class, you know, you know, doing all the right moves in all the right groups, doing all the right things. And by the way, a lot of really fun, great stuff was happening to me in high school. But my five to nine, so to speak, was a lot of...

Delinquent behavior, you know, things I'm not proud of, a lot of drugs and alcohol use. And, you know, what would have happened if I wasn't? Would I have even been more high achieving? Yeah, I would imagine so. But, you know, I did well. I got into a good college and I continued that duality all the way up until I couldn't support it anymore, which was about a year and a half before that eviction.

Delinquent behavior, you know, things I'm not proud of, a lot of drugs and alcohol use. And, you know, what would have happened if I wasn't? Would I have even been more high achieving? Yeah, I would imagine so. But, you know, I did well. I got into a good college and I continued that duality all the way up until I couldn't support it anymore, which was about a year and a half before that eviction.

Until the drug problem caves in everything else. It was actually the alcohol problem. And I mean that really specifically. And it's why I think alcohol, and I've said this a lot very publicly, I think alcohol is more dangerous than any drug I've ever experienced. If alcohol was invented today, you wouldn't be able to buy it in stores. It's so dangerous. It would test out so dangerously at the FDA.

Until the drug problem caves in everything else. It was actually the alcohol problem. And I mean that really specifically. And it's why I think alcohol, and I've said this a lot very publicly, I think alcohol is more dangerous than any drug I've ever experienced. If alcohol was invented today, you wouldn't be able to buy it in stores. It's so dangerous. It would test out so dangerously at the FDA.

It would be classified as heroin is classified. You just can't get it. I quit drugs about three years before I sobered up, about 18 months before the complete instability and the homelessness and all the rest of that. It accelerated my downward spiral. I was completely uncontrollable. My life was completely unmanageable on alcohol.

It would be classified as heroin is classified. You just can't get it. I quit drugs about three years before I sobered up, about 18 months before the complete instability and the homelessness and all the rest of that. It accelerated my downward spiral. I was completely uncontrollable. My life was completely unmanageable on alcohol.

On drugs, I was able to somewhat function, mostly because I was using a combination of uppers and downers to work. I could show up. I could pop a pill and be alert, quote unquote, and I could show up for things. When I went solely on alcohol, my life just absolutely hurtled out of control. Four days, five days of blackout that I would awaken from and nothing.

On drugs, I was able to somewhat function, mostly because I was using a combination of uppers and downers to work. I could show up. I could pop a pill and be alert, quote unquote, and I could show up for things. When I went solely on alcohol, my life just absolutely hurtled out of control. Four days, five days of blackout that I would awaken from and nothing.

you know, look around and say, where am I? I mean, it was really, really, really, really bad. And the worst kind of, you know, self-loathing. Alcohol brought out the absolute worst in me. And when I was focused solely on that and drinking around the clock, I was unable, completely unable to function physically, mentally, physically.

you know, look around and say, where am I? I mean, it was really, really, really, really bad. And the worst kind of, you know, self-loathing. Alcohol brought out the absolute worst in me. And when I was focused solely on that and drinking around the clock, I was unable, completely unable to function physically, mentally, physically.

Obviously, there was no spiritual life, no inwardly directed moral set of values. And that's when things got really, really, really bad. Okay.

Obviously, there was no spiritual life, no inwardly directed moral set of values. And that's when things got really, really, really bad. Okay.