Andy Zaltzman

So it's hard to know.

Obviously, two big, big, big characters.

Again, update you on for those of you who've not heard of them.

Donald Trump is the punchline in the classic joke.

What do you get when you cross the excesses of unaccountable, basically unregulated free reign capitalism with a crumblingly outdated democracy and a self-interested, irresponsible media?

And Xi Jinping is the freedom of expression skeptic, professional accusations of genocide ignorer.

who's bravely overcome a longstanding human rights intolerance to become the undisputed Taylor Swift of the Chinese Communist Party.

So, yeah, big characters meeting.

And China has spent much of this millennium giggling quietly to itself about how fucking easy it's proving to continue its steady plod towards being the world's number one superpower.

I don't know what they chatted about.

I mean, how's your wall?

Obviously would have been a bit of a conversation starter.

What is the Greenland to Taiwan exchange rate right now?

Who were you picturing asking, how's your wall?

It could go either way, couldn't it?

Yeah.

It could go either way.

And obviously sharing tips on hair care and stifling media opposition.

But the Taiwan issue was something that was rather...

skirted around, President Xi told Trump that disagreement over Taiwan could be, and I quote, like telling your auntie and your uncle to toddle off and fetch the commemorative brass porcupine that you've just whacked off the top of a mountain with a golf club.