Andy Zaltzman

Available for everything from behind closed doors chats, via potentially awkward double dates, to full-blown state banquets, a King Charles III can make everything seem okay again.

Simply by talking in a soothingly royal, reassuringly neutral, and ostentatiously unconfrontational manner.

Price on application.

Warning, effects may wear off within days or hours.

Not certified for use during actual negotiations.

Suitable for use whilst listening to The News Quiz!

Hello.

To commemorate this week's historic meeting in Washington, DC, between the House of Windsor frontman and America's multiply convicted president, our two teams this week are Team King of the Castle and Team Dirty Rascal.

And on Team Castle, we have Ashley Storey and Vittorio Angeloni.

And on Team Rascal, Simon Evans and Times columnist Cindy Yu.

First question to Simon and Cindy.

Which Brit made a big splash across the pond this week?

You don't open your Jongler set with a...

It was a bell that had HMS Trump, wasn't it?

HMS Trump from a submarine, yeah.

From 1944, which is also the year that Donald Trump last had a thought that wasn't about himself.

I think a year before he was conceived.

What did you make of it as a political journalist, Cindy?

So it's basically all about tone of voice.

If he'd done it in the sarcastic tone of voice, he would have had quite a different reception.