Ann Jones

It's 99 million years ago and there's these shallow inland seas and there's some good warm weather for lizards, which is lucky because dinos are dominating.

And there's a tiny little harvestman halfway up a tree in present-day Myanmar.

And the penis in Amber is tiny, yes, but magnificent.

It's long and slim, yet pretty sturdy looking, sort of like a curved femur.

And the glands on the end are heart-shaped.

Oh, is it a good way to go or not?

But I suppose at any point in time, you're always doing something stupid, right?

You could get preserved just eating a sandwich or something.

So I suppose it might as well be, well, you've got your doodle out.

So now the floodgates, dear listener, are open and we've had spurts and lulls of evolution exploding, bringing forth creations beyond the wildest dreams of the first simple organisms that inhabited planet Earth.

And we continue to find out things.

There was even a fossil named scrotum humanum by a fella called Richard Brooks in 1763.

Let's call him Dick.

Dick thought this was a magnificent fossilised rock pocket filled with some porky balls.

It turned out to be the end of a megalosaurus femur, literally a dog bone from a dinosaur.

But Dick's tale is a cautionary one.

Don't run away to fantasy land and start seeing sexy bits everywhere.

Because yes, penises evolved and started to become more and more specialised, but it doesn't mean that everything has a dick.

Only about 3% of birds have a penis.

Only 3% of birds have penises.