Anna Runkle

I'm not a therapist, but I'm a YouTuber who gets hundreds and hundreds of letters every week from people. And there's a letter that I kept getting over and over again about the same phenomenon where somebody said, I grew up in a house with an alcoholic parent. And now I'm in love with this guy and I can't really tell him. I know he wouldn't be into me in any way.

He's married and I can't stop thinking about him. And now my whole life is falling apart and I, I should leave my job, but I can't. And so somebody is really just like going down and, When you're in love with somebody who's good for you, you'll see signs that your life is kind of coming up. That's a sign.

He's married and I can't stop thinking about him. And now my whole life is falling apart and I, I should leave my job, but I can't. And so somebody is really just like going down and, When you're in love with somebody who's good for you, you'll see signs that your life is kind of coming up. That's a sign.

He's married and I can't stop thinking about him. And now my whole life is falling apart and I, I should leave my job, but I can't. And so somebody is really just like going down and, When you're in love with somebody who's good for you, you'll see signs that your life is kind of coming up. That's a sign.

I heard on one of your recent interviews that you're in a relationship, and when you feel good and happy and you notice, you know what, I'm getting better as a person, that's love. That's a good partnership. When you're starting to check out

I heard on one of your recent interviews that you're in a relationship, and when you feel good and happy and you notice, you know what, I'm getting better as a person, that's love. That's a good partnership. When you're starting to check out

I heard on one of your recent interviews that you're in a relationship, and when you feel good and happy and you notice, you know what, I'm getting better as a person, that's love. That's a good partnership. When you're starting to check out

When you're starting to go down, I've sort of defined this whole, this downward ladder of stuff that happens to you when it's taking over your brain and your life. You start avoiding people. You're not emotionally available. You can't love. So it's really a different thing. And it feels like it's about the other person, but it's clearly not.

When you're starting to go down, I've sort of defined this whole, this downward ladder of stuff that happens to you when it's taking over your brain and your life. You start avoiding people. You're not emotionally available. You can't love. So it's really a different thing. And it feels like it's about the other person, but it's clearly not.

When you're starting to go down, I've sort of defined this whole, this downward ladder of stuff that happens to you when it's taking over your brain and your life. You start avoiding people. You're not emotionally available. You can't love. So it's really a different thing. And it feels like it's about the other person, but it's clearly not.

I think it starts like, oh, what a wonderful person, and I like them. But after a while, with all the secrecy, you can never tell somebody you're limerent over how you feel. And the reason is, I think some people do, it's one way that you can break the spell, because almost certainly the reason it's secret and unrequited is because they're not into you. That's what it is.

I think it starts like, oh, what a wonderful person, and I like them. But after a while, with all the secrecy, you can never tell somebody you're limerent over how you feel. And the reason is, I think some people do, it's one way that you can break the spell, because almost certainly the reason it's secret and unrequited is because they're not into you. That's what it is.

I think it starts like, oh, what a wonderful person, and I like them. But after a while, with all the secrecy, you can never tell somebody you're limerent over how you feel. And the reason is, I think some people do, it's one way that you can break the spell, because almost certainly the reason it's secret and unrequited is because they're not into you. That's what it is.

And so if you avoid telling them how you feel so that you never get that disappointment... You're holding on to this escape mechanism and people need a way to relieve, to get out of here sometimes, to get out of dodge emotionally. But this is a really malfunctioning way to do it because it almost guarantees you're not going to have anybody real in your life.

And so if you avoid telling them how you feel so that you never get that disappointment... You're holding on to this escape mechanism and people need a way to relieve, to get out of here sometimes, to get out of dodge emotionally. But this is a really malfunctioning way to do it because it almost guarantees you're not going to have anybody real in your life.

And so if you avoid telling them how you feel so that you never get that disappointment... You're holding on to this escape mechanism and people need a way to relieve, to get out of here sometimes, to get out of dodge emotionally. But this is a really malfunctioning way to do it because it almost guarantees you're not going to have anybody real in your life.

I think so. That's my opinion. I think there's a little bit of a continuum between what we call trauma bonding, which is intermittent reinforcement that you would have in an anxious, avoidant relationship. One person's like, come on, give me attention. And the other person's like, I'm not speaking to you now, you're overwhelming me. And it activates something. And people get anxious for a reason.

I think so. That's my opinion. I think there's a little bit of a continuum between what we call trauma bonding, which is intermittent reinforcement that you would have in an anxious, avoidant relationship. One person's like, come on, give me attention. And the other person's like, I'm not speaking to you now, you're overwhelming me. And it activates something. And people get anxious for a reason.

I think so. That's my opinion. I think there's a little bit of a continuum between what we call trauma bonding, which is intermittent reinforcement that you would have in an anxious, avoidant relationship. One person's like, come on, give me attention. And the other person's like, I'm not speaking to you now, you're overwhelming me. And it activates something. And people get anxious for a reason.

The anxious attachment style, it springs up after a childhood of neglect, emotional neglect. And neglect isn't just psychological. You know, there are things that happen neurologically because of that that are pretty hard to control. So it's tricky to manage. So that activating that chasing instinct. Now, I noticed