Anna Runkle
speaker
240 appearances
7 recordings
2 series
first heard May 2025
last heard 19 Nov
Anna Runkle’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 6 in all, peaking in Nov 2025 with 5.
Appearances
But I held on tenaciously. I could change him.
Once you bond, which what I mean is through sex, it's very hard to turn back, especially if you have attachment wounds. It's very hard to turn back. And so you find yourself, you wake up next to someone and you're like, what have I done? I can't stand this person. But if you were actually abandoned as a kid, there's this therapist named Pete Walker. He calls it abandonment melange.
And it's this like toxic cocktail. For people who literally were abandoned as kids, there's this like nervous system. It's a flashback. It's an emotional flashback. You may not even remember the memory of it. Like a combat veteran would kind of remember what this is about. Just this feeling of like, I'm going to die. I'm so frantic. You know, the grief is unbearable. I can't go on.
even thinking about ending a relationship with someone you don't like. So you can't leave. And this is how people lose years and years of their life. They leap into a relationship and then they can't leave. So that day when you wake up and you're just like, oh, what have I done? This guy doesn't even have a full length pair of trousers. You know, what have I done? And, um, And you can't go.
So then comes the retrofitting. It's like, I'll try to retrofit him into the person I hoped he was when I leapt into this. And I'll do it with criticism and repetition and force and misery. And passive aggression.
And that's where codependence comes in. It's just, you know, it's a very unhappy life.
I never thought of that, but of course, yes, you're right. Yeah. This person is what makes, this person is who brings meaning to my life. And I have, with all the letters I get, I do see that a lot.
And the commenters will say, oh yeah, she's trying to marry up or she's, I don't know, there's a word for it in the manosphere of when a woman thinks she, you know, she can have, a guy will have sex with her, but he's not really going to have a relationship with her. But she doesn't know that. She doesn't actually have the neurological framework to read the room.
Yeah, it is men too. I had a guy do it to me. I had to call the cops. Here's a little secret. If somebody's limerent on you, you say, look, I don't feel that way about you. We can just be friends. And they go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be friends.
Not only do they. Well, it's it's sad, but they'll do anything because they're close there. They'll do anything. And the hope is there. And they just think you'll come around. But the thing is, I think it's really unethical to promise to be friends with somebody just because you said you've made it. I made it clear. I don't want a relationship because they're not if they're limerent.
They're actually not capable of giving consent to that. And that's what I realized about this man. He ended up very fucked up. And he's not even alive anymore. I recently heard he was, you know, he just got obsessed. He thought that he, he thought, he thought he was like, I think we're the same soul. And I was just like, Oh God, no, stop. You know? And later I found out that's a whole thing.
Like there's a whole industry that feeds people with limerence, with magical thinking that even though this person doesn't like you and is like, Hey, get back, stop, stop calling me. Actually, they love you. And in a past life or whatever,
astrologically or actually you're the same soul but one soul is always you know one half of the soul is always going to run and one day you'll be back together and you can you know people are just like draining so much money out of giving hope to people it's a huge thing and you know i have a youtube channel like you so you probably are aware of that stat where you find out where are my people coming from
And what were they searching when they came? And especially when I first started out, most of the search terms were tarot related and astrology. And I'm like, why? I never talk about that stuff. I talk about childhood trauma symptoms, how to get your life together, how to date in a way that it doesn't go crazy. Why are they doing that? But that's why, because they've got limerence and
I think that those are all things that people can engage with, you know, kind of psychics and all that, that that could be fun and healthy and fine and not a big deal. But I think there's a large component of it, you know, that unethical people can really prey on limerent people who will pay you any amount of money to hear what they want to hear. And they know what you want to hear.
It's that, yeah, he really loves you.
Well, I wonder sometimes, you know, we don't really have research to prove this. I contributed to a study that's going on right now at University of Sussex. I think they're doing some two-year longitudinal study, and they asked for my input on the questions. So I'll be really interested to see. But this is, you know, it's a matter of just observation and opinion.
There's not a ton of research about this. But yeah, it does make... It does make it activate more. When you have a real person who likes you back, you're going to smell their farts. You're going to get so annoyed at how they drive, all that stuff that breaks the spell.
And sometimes you can break the spell of limerence just by being honest with another person, just saying, gosh, I just have these huge feelings for you. And they go, well, I don't feel that for you. And then it'll come right down. But a persistent limerent person They'll go, oh, I'm so sad. It's not going to work out. And life feels empty. There's no source of dopamine anymore.
And so there's this period of depression. And then I call it the limerent flip. They find a way again. They saw something in your Instagram today. They got a sign out in the garden from a snail. I don't mean to make fun of it. I think that when I say that, I'm just making fun of people. They can't help it. Their mind just needs to find it. And it's coming from a very natural and good instinct.
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