Announcer/Host voice (show stage announcer)
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
Welcome to The Daily Show, ladies and gentlemen.
We've got a great show for you tonight.
I don't even want to tell you this.
Senator Bernard Sanders, Independent Vermont...
What the?
Not the hardest core.
I expected partial Marxism and hardcore, but not full display, hardest core ha-Marxism.
It's going to be like Mad Max out there with Chuck Schumer on flaming guitar.
Do your worst.
Display your Marxism to its fullest.
Not public domain folk classics.
You monsters.
I knew Antifa.
I worked with Antifa.
You people are not Antifa.
Make up your mind, Fox.
A lot of older, angry white boomers.
It's a sea of white people.
It's all old white people.
Extra, extra.
Extra, extra, read all about it.
This country has too many angry old white people.
Says, hold on, Fox News.
Fox News says, why are old white people so angry?
Fox News, mad that there are so many old white people in America.
We must wage jihad against prediabetes and apparently rhythm.
You don't want to do this shit on the cheap.
He showed us a picture of the park, a big X. He said, what if we had them come and then just red wedding the shit out of them?
And we told him, Mr. President, we're not there.
It's from the Corning line!
The most spectacular line in all engravings!
It has a hole in the middle for your...
You can place the corning line around your .
It'll look like a bishop wearing an Elizabethan collar.
Chuck, no, just so I'm clear,
That's his official portrait.
That's the one he picked.
Bring me my corning line that I may place my beshriveled f***.
I've been in the business a long time.
I'm not the president, but I've shaken a lot of hands.
And I'm pretty sure it doesn't cause a gangrene.
You know what?
The actual color of my hair is store-bought colonial wig.
All right, let's see what the declaration says.
Give me a beat.
Come on.
The Declaration says, ah, he has kept among us in times of peace standing armies without the consent of our legislatures.
Done.
Cutting off our trade with all parts of the world.
That does sound familiar.
End quote.
Lock in.
That one was true.
You guys are very good at this game.
So if you ask, is Trump a king?
Nay!
Nay!
He is the king of kings!
And that, my friends, is a reason to rejoice.
Not like that!
When we come back, Senator Bernie Sanders will be joining us.
Don't go away.
Welcome to the Daily Show.
My guest tonight, he is an independent senator from Vermont.
His latest book is called Fight Oligarchy.
Please welcome to the program, Senator Bernie Sanders.
Sir.
Been here 20 years.
Never as much as a, John, John.
He's not perfect.
I get excited when you're around.
Bernie Sanders.
The book is Fight Oligarchy.
Thank you.
Bernie Sanders, everybody.
We're going to take a break.
Come back right after this.
Hey, that's our show for tonight.
Before we go, we're going to check in with your host for the rest of the week, Mr. Michael Kosta.
Michael!