Anonymous Male Guest
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Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
Dating is obviously a challenging experience for everyone, but some of those challenges are maybe nuanced or they're asymmetrical.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
Yes, we've talked a lot about this. You know, I have some great male friends. I also have a younger brother. And I think one of the biggest things that we found is that kind of some of the means or mediums for meeting people are now very inaccessible. So monetization of dating apps is not just a nuisance, it actually can be financially exclusive.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
For example, if you're trying to meet as many potential prospects, you need to keep paying for a subscription. Right. So that is one thing that's frustrating. Another thing is that we live in a society that obviously has certain demographic patterns. And one of those patterns is that Asian men tend to be sort of emasculated.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
And I think black women tend to be unfortunately deemed as less desirable. Right.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
Yes, I'm on Hinge and Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagel.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
So I'm interested in a profile, and I'll review it, and I'll swipe, and then there's a match. And what I've realized is that it's very easy to actually ghost. I remember I was... chatting with someone, I really liked her profile, and I was trying to kind of flirt digitally, try to build a little bit of banter.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
And so we had set a video date, and I had been very explicit about ensuring she was comfortable with it. And then I actually extended a Google Calendar invite, and she marked yes, she confirmed on the invite. So I was going in with a lot of confidence that this is going to happen. And then when I joined, she didn't show up. And so I had...
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
Dating is obviously a challenging experience for everyone. And one of the challenges that I had sort of noticed is that men are kind of experiencing a harder time dating than women.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
texted her saying, hey, look, just want to check if, you know, I'm in this lobby. And she said, I'll be there in a few minutes. And she didn't show up. And I waited, you know, basically about an hour. And then I realized that she was ghosting me.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
I appreciate that. I think that's maybe kind of just a function of the way that dating is, that some of these dating mediums, when they're off screen, is that it's very easy to kind of escape accountability.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
Yeah, and also like if there is a concern, if you don't share it, I can't address it. Like either you show it or you tell me about it so that I can engage in that. But without being willing to open up, without being willing to give that chance or have that faith, it's very difficult to actually demonstrate that.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
Quite candidly, I've kind of bought into, I think, a lot of the kind of contemporary rhetoric that it's not worth trying to make someone uncomfortable in a public space. Now, I recognize it's a public space, but... I do think there is a little bit of discomfort as the fear of being kind of typecast is like, okay, that's a creepy or uncomfortable or weird approach or weird person.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
So I think there is a little bit of that. I don't see it or hear it happening so much myself. I would feel more comfortable with approaching and expressing a bit of interest publicly, IRL, if that were happening more visibly and audibly to me in public spaces. So it's understanding clarity like, okay, are you just chatting for the sake of chatting? Or is there something like there's an interest?
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
I know that directness or bluntness can maybe be considered as a sort of overly forward. But I think the reality is that forwardness connotes clarity. And sometimes that clarity offers a lot more definition than something else.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
Yes, absolutely. And I think, you know, this is something that. maybe that there are training programs for or there's like practical experience. I remember like kind of reading these ads about dating coaches and how that's like a way for some folks to practice skills.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
You know, I actually would not say it's so much guidance. If I could have one request, it would actually be, you know, people who can actually go through, like, roleplay exercises and really just showcase, like, this is what a positive expression of interest, one that is, say, you know, an IRL approach that is... comfortable and not creepy, not weird, not uncomfortable.
Today, Explained
Why does dating suck for guys?
Or this is a way to kind of express vulnerability in a setting without violating the norms.