Why does dating suck for guys?
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What challenges do men face in dating today?
Are women aware of the unique dynamics or challenges that men are facing that might actually affect their perception of desirability or datability?
Hey, y'all. I'm John Glenn Hill, and this is Explain It To Me, your hotline for the questions that matter most to you. We recently got a call from Rohan.
Hello.
He wants to know why people in their 20s and 30s are dating less.
Dating is obviously a challenging experience for everyone. And one of the challenges that I had sort of noticed is that men are kind of experiencing a harder time dating than women.
He's asking because he's been having his own trouble on the dating scene. The state of dating, particularly for men, has been everywhere.
Why are men struggling more with dating than women?
Why are men in such crisis? I mean, only 40% go to college. And women with degrees don't marry men who don't have degrees.
66% of young men between the ages of 18 and 29 are currently single, but only 34% of young women in the same age bracket are single.
Producer Hadi Mawagdi knows about them firsthand. Okay, Hadi, you were pretty excited about taking this question from Rohan. Why was that?
Well, I mean, JQ, there are a few things. For starters, I'm a single guy in his mid-30s and landing a date has been harder than ever. You swipe, you send roses, you sneak into the DMs. It's exhausting. You know, these dating apps really suck. And on top of all of that, I've heard so often that that women have decided to quit dating. They've given up on men. And I guess who can blame them?
How do dating apps affect men's dating experiences?
But our guy on this call, Rohan, I honestly had no idea if he was one of those dudes who's like uber worried about birth rates or if he was simply struggling to get a date. And here's what he told me when I gave him a call.
One thing that I think is not really kind of discussed enough is that there are a lot of terminology that is being thrown around, like this kind of popular Rhetoric of like become a high value individual. And so it's interesting now that like now there are metrics of kind of like what it means to be a high value or low value in terms of datability. If you're interested in someone, what is the way to pursue someone? And how do I at least, you know, demonstrate a bit of interest? in a way that is obviously consensual, but ideally reciprocal without having to feel like I'm either throwing a lot of money or I'm wasting my time. Yeah, I don't know. I was speaking with someone. Someone said, well, you know, everybody's tired because nobody wants to get played.
So as you can tell, Rohan has spent a lot of time thinking about dating. And that's why I wanted you to give him a call, JQ, to help him on his journey.
Yeah. And you piqued my interest. I wanted to hear more about how it's going for Rohan.
Dating is obviously a challenging experience for everyone, but some of those challenges are maybe nuanced or they're asymmetrical.
Yeah, I'm curious. Do you and your friends ever talk about this? Like, what kind of conversations do you guys have with each other about this?
Yes, we've talked a lot about this. You know, I have some great male friends. I also have a younger brother. And I think one of the biggest things that we found is that kind of some of the means or mediums for meeting people are now very inaccessible. So monetization of dating apps is not just a nuisance, it actually can be financially exclusive. For example, if you're trying to meet as many potential prospects, you need to keep paying for a subscription. Right. So that is one thing that's frustrating. Another thing is that we live in a society that obviously has certain demographic patterns. And one of those patterns is that Asian men tend to be sort of emasculated.
What role does social media play in modern dating?
And I think black women tend to be unfortunately deemed as less desirable. Right.
Yeah, I definitely get what you mean. Like, you know, I've seen my fair share of colorism in dating, especially in my early 20s. It sounds like you use dating apps. Do you mind telling me which ones you're on?
Yes, I'm on Hinge and Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagel.
Ooh, okay. I am well-versed in all three of these apps. Okay, walk me through your approach. So, like, say you're on an app, you see a woman you want to match with. Like, what's the next step?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What challenges do men face in dating today?
0:01–0:55
2
Why are men struggling more with dating than women?
0:55–1:57
3
How do dating apps affect men's dating experiences?
1:57–4:27
4
What role does social media play in modern dating?
4:27–8:56
5
What can men learn from older generations about dating?
8:56–10:20
6
How do societal expectations impact dating dynamics?
10:20–13:26
7
What are the common pitfalls of online dating?
13:26–15:39
8
How can men approach women in real life?
15:39–26:52