Antonio Pascual-Leone

So the working through is their own project.

Even if the person is alive, right?

You still need to do your work.

They can't process it for you.

Yeah, you know, so the idea is there might be things to say and you need to clarify things.

the boundary violation, if that's what it is, or you need to clarify what you're defending or what the loss is, for you to move on, to unhitch and to move on with that.

Teaching the other person a lesson or educating them or correcting them, you know, that's often what people are wanting to do, right?

Or punish them.

I mean, that's not really going to get you the change you're looking for.

And you'd have to actually ask yourself, do I really want to re-educate the person?

Is that really what this is about?

So the idea is to have a venue where you can express yourself with clarity.

You could sit and think about it.

Turns out that thinking about your difficulties is not particularly effective.

There's something about writing it down in some form, whether it be an email.

That's tricky because you really want to hit the send button.

But writing a letter, these are ways that compel you, that put you in a scenario.

Therapy is similar, right?

Puts you in a scenario where you have to...

creates sort of a coherent story of what you're feeling and why.