Ari

I don't think I'm ready to fully accept that, but it's been a year and a half now.

I'm ready to accept it, but subconsciously, I think...

I'm still waiting and hoping that, hey, something could shift, something could change.

But at the end of the day, it's like, I'm 26.

When I have kids and when I'm an adult, in hindsight, you're not the type of person I want around my kid knowing that I was just a kid.

You did not like me as a kid and I did not deserve that.

So I don't feel like you deserve access to my kid or my family or my life or anything like that.

And

So I know it's going to take more healing, but I know that I'm in a place that accepts that my new reality and anybody I choose to consider family is going to be different and it isn't going to hurt.

And I feel like for the first time in my entire life, I don't have a relationship with anybody that I'm begging to love.

Yeah.

And I feel like for me, that's a lot.

Because I feel like I spent a long time in friendships and relationships conforming and just doing anything I could to make sure that person didn't leave.

Regardless of if I was happy, I was comfortable, I was this, I was that.

I mean, I've never broken up with a person.

I've always done things to...

Or maybe stop doing things.

Because it's like, I don't know how to stop giving love.

I just know how to get it taken, I guess.

So now it's like, I don't want to be that person.