Ariana Madix

Mm hmm.

it had already felt as though it felt like there was like a wall, like a divider had been built somehow between the current, the past and the present.

And that feels so weird.

And maybe that is, again, like a compartmentalizing coping mechanism.

But it also felt as though going into it,

We were all on the same page, like, and that's never happened.

So that I felt gave not just me, but Sheena, Lala, Katie, James, we all had this like vote of confidence amongst each other.

And we all knew that we were all on the same page with that.

And so.

it felt it felt like a boost of confidence in that way of just knowing like I don't have to sit here and question whether or not I'm right or not wrong or if Lala's right or wrong or if James or Sheena or Katie is right or wrong we know and we feel that like deep in our gut and that right that felt good um

it was weird I mean honestly that that three weeks was like really fucking weird and so to go into a reunion and I'm a not sitting next to him but I'm also not like he would say stuff and I would be like

normally i would be like well what he's trying to say because he he'd always almost like needed a translator at times because he would have an opinion that we had we had talked about things you know at home and so i i understood where he was coming from or like what he was trying to get at but like then he would voice it and no one else could get it so i would be like okay so what do you really this is what we're winning and so to be there and

painful and not painful in the sense of like she hurt my feelings painful in the sense of like i really did not feel like she was connected to the moment or reality at all i really feel like again then march 23rd that the two of them both of them somehow maybe it was like they were feeding it to each other because i don't know who else would be they thought people are just mad yeah

i'm a little mad at you and like we'll be fine like i think that's like where both of their minds were at and so the the gravity of what they had done or were doing or whatever it was just not hitting at all he was still i mean look i think she just i don't know and i told her i was like i mean i don't know why you're sorry now you thought you were a hot shit when you were doing it right

You thought, like, are you kidding?

Uh-huh.

I was angry.

At times I was sad.

But I honestly think that the biggest thing that I felt that... There was, like, a question that was asked towards the end that I was just, like...

I was so grateful for my friends, both the friends that were there that day and otherwise.