ArrDee

mentalities and problems try venting to let's say like a pal that you grew up with who is working on site brick laying monday to friday and try to like vent your pain to him and see how they react and then see if you'll ever do it again because you you don't you're like well it's falling on deaf ears i'm still struggling to make ends meet and i'd swap with you in a heartbeat type do not i mean so then you stop doing that like why would i then be vulnerable

Because you start to feel guilty for feeling shit still.

It's like, why do I still feel shit?

Do you know what I mean?

I had this weird...

Complex, whereas like, I said to you earlier, like, I hate sympathy.

And then I'm feeling sorry for myself.

And then I'm angry at myself.

I'm feeling sorry at myself.

But the solution to all of it was always drink drugs and partying.

The celebratory drink drugs and partying.

I feel like shit, so I'm going to go blow off steam, drink drugs and partying.

And yeah, so again, it just led to more numbing.

Do you believe you had an addiction?

100%.

100%.

And I've always been very...

careful or wary of speaking on this because I didn't want to be the person that touches and all of this and then still carries on doing it so just for like context me not being drunk from and on whatever else from January to what is it now nearly April that's the longest I've been sober since I was 12 years old

Like, which is a long time.

That's profound.