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Chapter 1: What does ArrDee reveal about his brother's struggles?
I'm filled with this super guilt with my older brother going into drug-induced psychosis. But, like, if I could turn back time and not have fame, but have my brother, I would. But before we talk about that, we kind of have to go into how it started.
Which is, for everybody who hasn't seen, what was your first line?
It's in the state of her body.
If I be here, I ain't wearing a johnny.
I think the lust for fame comes from not having that attention. As a child, like, I remember my dad was super inebriated. His heart stopped, and he wasn't breathing. I'm, like, attempting to do some form of CPR. Obviously, I'm 12, but I don't think any of us realized how far it was gonna go that quickly.
island records 150 per single i hadn't seen a thousand pound in my life at this point so then already what's then the darkest period because with light comes shade in the video shoot i keep swigging a bottle you can see it in my eyes as well i'd be talking to the walls you can't walk you can't talk your legs go um i've never spoken about any of this before me not being drunk from january till now that's the longest i've been sober since i was 12 years old
Can you address this?
You had so many hits back to back to back. Were you an industry plant? Hey there, before we begin the episode, I just want to say thank you for choosing We Need to Talk. Doing this podcast is one of the greatest joys of my life, and I want to continue to share it with you. So hit follow and the bell icon. It takes just a second, and it helps us to continue to grow this podcast. RD? Yes.
We need to talk.
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Chapter 2: How did ArrDee's childhood shape his desire for fame?
Let's have it. All right. So let's start with how you feel right now.
Yeah, I am very aware of what you do and I'm a big fan of what you do and I've seen it. So I know that these conversations are very open and vulnerable. And I'm not afraid of those conversations. I mean, we've just met, you know what I'm saying? So there's a vulnerability, anxiety in that, you know what I'm saying?
No, I hear you. What I find most interesting is that we have public figures on who, you know, are at a festival with however many, thousands of people in the audience, right, or on TV, millions of people are watching you. But when they come and they sit in this chair, there is a bit of nervousness.
It's far more revealing. I've always said, even down to shows, the most nerve-wracking shows I do are like...
the forgive me for people who come to them the weird industry ones where it's like 80 people all sat with like champagne just like watching you perform rather than like once you get past 5,000 5,000 to 10,000 there's not much difference because like you're not it's just like a sea of people now what's the biggest crowd you've performed in front of We've done Wembley with Capital.
That was a big one. That was a big moment for me. I think I was 20 years old and I had my DJ, I had them chanting RD. And Wembley, I mean, how many people? That's 85,000, I think. 85,000. And it was full. It was sold out. It wasn't just me. I didn't sell it out. Still, 85,000 people chanting your name. Crazy, crazy high to come down from as well.
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Chapter 3: How does ArrDee describe his journey into addiction?
Yeah, yeah. So let's unpack you, man. I started with RD, we need to talk. But you have a government name. I do, yeah. All right, tell me the government name and how we get to RD from that.
Some people find it a cool story. I find it a little bit like, embarrassing is not the right word. It's not that cool and interesting. So my full name is Riley Davies and I was a big Eminem fan growing up. Was always curious as to how he become Eminem. It's because he's Marshall Mathers, so it's Eminem. So I'm RD.
That's it. There's not a wild story of like, no one gave it to me.
So you gave it to yourself then? Yeah, I was in year seven in secondary school. It was not a turmoil time. I was really trying to implement it. You know, like when you try and give yourself a nickname, it's not that cool. Everyone's like... we're not calling you that, do you know what I mean? Because you're not a rapper, you're just Riley, 11 years old.
And it would kind of be like a little joke in school, like, well, RD, yeah? And I'd be like, yeah, come on, but I know they're taking liberty, do you know what I mean? So that's wild, I didn't realise that.
So it's through Eminem. Yeah, literally. You got RD. Yeah. You grew up in Brighton. Brighton, yeah. How do you think Brighton
has impacted who you've become looking back now as an adult i look back at me as my mentality as a teenager and how like proud to just be myself always and how comfortable i was really in my own skin from such a young age like i started even making music when i was
11 12 and i don't think this is young but even in a sense of like i was making my own music i bought myself my own usb mic was uploading it myself onto youtube and when people were like what makes you think you can be a rapper i'm like why can't i like i can do anything and part of that is installation from my mom's mentality and how i was raised but i do think part of it was from brighton and i think it also is a huge part of
me and my career and why people drew to me at a time where, like, the typical UK rap story is, like, London or Manchester and was coming up, do you know what I mean? Yeah. But there wasn't necessarily that Brighton. And I was very Brighton. Obviously, Jordan and Rizzle Kits were from Brighton and they still implemented it, but I was... I was screaming it from rooftops.
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Chapter 4: What impact did ArrDee's relationship with his mum have on him?
But I think that was one of the first moments, again, I could see... his approval. And I remember wanting his approval. This was now a new male adult figure in my life. Great point. And he's cool. Do you know what I mean? He's in that life. Do you know what I mean? And also he used to be an artist as well. So he knows the game.
But I remember seeing in his kind of eyes, he didn't expect the meeting to go like that. So obviously they've left now and we've got a load of different meetings set up. And he was like, that was sick. Like, Basically, I didn't know you was going to do that. And so what we'd done, by the time, we had every label near enough knock by the end of it, and we'd had this kind of thing.
Even though I was very business-minded, we would sit and plan together what we're going to say to them, what we want, but I would let him do it. So we'd come up with it together, and then I would play the character of just this cheeky young kid. So the island had come, and... I can't remember. I think the offer at the time, I'll speak about the money.
I've never spoken about the money before, but I'll speak about it. I think what we were trying to get was 60 grand for an EP, which is like six or seven tunes. It has to be 25 minutes long, whatever. I remember at the time, so EMI was also under Universal. And a guy, the industry with Archie, there was a guy that worked there. I think it might have been the president.
Archie, his name is, isn't it? I'd been made aware he was offering...
quite a bit more than what everybody else so he was the only meeting we took that didn't come in real life done over the phone but i knew i wasn't going to go with him he was and this was again like a plan i said to my manager i was gonna so i'm gonna use him as a pawn and we just threw like a wild figure out there i think archie had offered something like 70 or 80
And we had told Ireland that he'd offered 150 for two singles. So not even a project. And obviously he hadn't done. But they were just so mesmerized by like my character and how I played and all these people that come to the meetings. They were like, well, we'll match it. We'll match it. Do you know what I'm saying? And so, yeah, got that over the line. And it was...
It was 150 per single we got, so two songs, 300 grand. I'd never, I hadn't seen a thousand pound in my life at this point. You know what I'm saying? So this is wild. And you're 18.
18 mental. It's one of these where you've probably just now seen more money than your mother has made.
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Chapter 5: How does ArrDee view his identity as a white rapper?
also my lyrical content and what i was rapping about was obviously it's not like not just white people party but it was more typically that world i'm talking about drugs and and parties and turning up and lit and obviously everybody does that but how i was portraying it felt very white with no better terms to put it you know what i'm saying yes yes um And so I was aware of that as well.
And some people didn't like that. And it's completely understandable. Do you know what I mean? Especially when rap and hip hop and the culture itself, the essence is essentially how it started was a voice for those who wanted their stories to be heard. And like, you go back to like Mobb Deep and all that kind of stuff. That's where I say like that.
like the essence of hip hop and obviously this is different because we're in uk and it's it's an offspring of grime that we're doing and it's drill now and it's obviously all evolved so um yeah there was a lot of awareness and i'm also aware that once it went in terms of how these labels view it and i'm not saying this is right by the way either but how they view it as a business is like okay well he's a uk artist and rap is what's cool and it's made cool by the culture
And now this white guy is a face that there are more white people in the UK than there are any other ethnicity. Do you know what I'm saying? And so their dollar signs in their eyes start going ka-ching because people are drawn to what they can relate to. Do you know what I'm saying? And so there's definitely an unfair benefit in that. And so I always tried to like... It's a weird complex.
I always tried to make sure that people knew I was...
So then do you feel like you were used in part by the industry because you were white?
In terms of what, like other artists or?
Yeah, so in terms of rap music, right? Because I think this, to me, this is such a fascinating topic because what I'm understanding from you is that you came out with these very vulnerable ideas
raps yeah very story it was all storytelling and i'm with you i mean i'm from new york i'm from the or the origins of hip-hop that's the essence it was it was as we used to say like it was the cnn of the streets yes it was saying exactly what was happening yeah yeah and it wasn't it didn't start a party It did not.
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Chapter 6: What impact did ArrDee's father have on his life?
Yes. When you said that I was thinking to myself, has there been a time where I felt heavy or distraught after talking to my brother? Never. There you go. Yeah, I feel lighter. He's always teaching me about something that I had no idea about that ends up making my life better. It's really cool. I feel like I should call him. I've inspired you.
We are in partnership with ID Mobile and Mental Health UK. We want you to ditch the text, right? In my conversation here with Kim, what I've learned is you should just get silly. And you could only do that if you make it a call. You alluded to your father and you were talking about, like, I'll one-up you.
And you said, and then there was a point where I reached with my father where I was, where, and I felt like you were going to say, where I one-upped him.
Yeah. I'm not, I mean, I've always... wrongfully or rightfully, I've always pinned it on my dad was just like, I've always sought after attention, especially like male attention and male older attention and like filling this hole of like, OK, that's that's the male figure we're going to look up to for the next three weeks or this season or whatever it is.
It's like the first time I met him was on a holiday in Cyprus when I was like nine or ten, can't remember the age. And were you aware that you were going to meet him? No, I don't even know if my mom knew he was going to be there. He he does. he's been a man of many things, but he, at the time he was doing something called timeshare.
And I don't know if we, I don't think we'd plan to go over there to meet him. I think he happened to be in a resort and my nan was like, that's your dad. Yeah. And so, but so there was, and then that was never structured. So like the next time I see him was when I was, 13 or whatever.
But let's talk about it because you're nine.
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Chapter 7: How does ArrDee's relationship with his brother affect him?
So you're nine. You're on holiday. Yeah. It's you, your nan, your mom.
Maybe my mom did go over for us to see him. As far as I'm aware, it was sheer potluck that he happened to be on the resort. But I don't know. All right. You'd have to ask her. But from your perspective, your nan was like, that's your dad. Yeah. Yeah. And I always remember my nan being a prominent figure in my life. I was like, you are so much like your old man.
I've got to have a voice in my head. Anytime I say to someone that I was told it, it's my nan's voice that I think of. Okay.
So you're nine. Your nan tells you there's your father right there on the resort. So what's going on for you in that moment? And what's the first thing that you two say to each other?
I don't remember the first thing we said to each other. I remember the first thing I'd done, I was in the swimming pool and jumped out and gave him a big hug. But also, the first feeling I thought of, even when you're just saying it, was being filled with pure fear. And I don't know why. There wasn't a relief of, ah, there's my dad. It was a foreign concept.
So it was, I assume my body went into a bit of like fight or flight mode. You know what I mean? And like the first conversation I remember having is he was showing me two birds. One was called Kat and one was called Christina. I don't know how much you're going to want me to talk about this, but it's cool because I've told him what we're doing.
The first conversation you have with him?
Yeah. The first one I remember probably isn't, do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. But...
it was it was made very clear to me that you are not to mention cat in front of christina and you are not to mention christina in front of cat and in result of that i've got uh assassin's creed for the ds which is the game i wanted it's obviously a 15 it's or a it might be an 18. assassin's creed for the ds and guitar hero and my dad chose guitar hero i chose assassin's creed um so i mean in essence he bribed you
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Chapter 8: What revelations does ArrDee have about fatherhood?
Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, this is profound. So you wrote this on IG. For a long time, my past and my trauma was my identity. I held on to it as tight as I could, fighting anyone and anything that tried to change me, hurting people in the process. And this is to your child. Letter to my daughter, yeah.
You wrote, I promise you will never know the feeling of wondering who your dad is, where he is, or if he loves you enough. I'll show you every single day. Yeah. A hundred percent. I believe it. I mean, my whole heart. Yeah. Yeah. I believe it. So it's Ocean. Yeah. Who put you on this, this, this, this path.
Yeah. Cause like I was saying, like I was always, I've always been like, I'm never having kids. I don't want to be a dad. I've always been, I've like basked in the fact that I am this
bad person and is it that you also so you didn't want to be a dad did you also not want a committed relationship it doesn't that i didn't want it i didn't really think i was capable like i've never been able to hold down what's the word what it's monogamous oh yeah that's the singular one right exactly monogamy monogamous relationships and even like
I can care for someone, but it was always like once you were out of sight, you were out of mind. I've hurt people, do you know what I'm saying? I'm very aware of that. And sounds horrible. For a long time, I was also proud of that because that's who my dad was. He was...
the top narcissist and that was super cool do you know what i mean um like just like even for a reference he his nickname for me is asmodeus asmodeus is the son of the devil somewhere in some kind of mythology and that's like it's that's our banter that's our relationship but that's that's that's been his nickname for me
throughout all my teenage years as well and I loved that that was again it's like yeah like we're bad you know I was saying like it was cool to not give a shit about no one or anything and it's so it's I look at it and it's kind of strange because my mum is so the opposite she is like the most loving open person all my mum was like the mum to all my friends right growing up so yeah so so Ocean she was aware of all this
Yeah, so she's been a friend for a long time and kind of saw all the different states that I've been in throughout majority of my career. The more I got to know her as a friend and then as our relationship developed, she had been through so much and wore it very, very differently to how I wore it and her outlook on why she should wear it differently.
I had this newfound perspective of like just through falling in love with her and not just falling in love with her, but falling in love with her outlook on life. It was probably one of the only ways I could have possibly have been changed because she didn't try and stall it into me in any way.
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