Ashlyn Harris

So we have a bunch of tiles in our head and they're all competing for that little for the steering wheel. Right. And so I've got a jealous mode, an angry mode, a fearful mode, a self-critical mode. And I think often the self-critical mode is the one with a steering wheel. But you have a wise mode, a generous mode, a compassionate mode, and they're often just not getting that much airtime.

And there are ways through meditation, through therapy, being in nature, exercise that can bring the healthier tiles to the surface. And so that's just one thing to say. And then the other thing to say is that. Yeah, it's true that self-criticism, we're scared that if we let it go that we'll be on the couch eating ice cream until the end of time. And that's just not what's going to happen.

And there are ways through meditation, through therapy, being in nature, exercise that can bring the healthier tiles to the surface. And so that's just one thing to say. And then the other thing to say is that. Yeah, it's true that self-criticism, we're scared that if we let it go that we'll be on the couch eating ice cream until the end of time. And that's just not what's going to happen.

Back to Tibetan Buddhism, and I'm not an expert in it, but they have this expression that I have a couple of colleagues who are sitting on a couch over here who heard me say this a million times, but I really love this. There's the Tibetan word for enlightenment. as far as I understand it, roughly translates into a clearing away and a bringing forth. You clear away the noise.

Back to Tibetan Buddhism, and I'm not an expert in it, but they have this expression that I have a couple of colleagues who are sitting on a couch over here who heard me say this a million times, but I really love this. There's the Tibetan word for enlightenment. as far as I understand it, roughly translates into a clearing away and a bringing forth. You clear away the noise.

All of our demons, our unhelpful demons, what can come out is what is already there in all of us, which is the good stuff. You know, you might use the loaded word love. And I think of love as like sort of an overarching term that encompasses things like generosity, compassion, kindness, patience, ethics. And that is in us.

All of our demons, our unhelpful demons, what can come out is what is already there in all of us, which is the good stuff. You know, you might use the loaded word love. And I think of love as like sort of an overarching term that encompasses things like generosity, compassion, kindness, patience, ethics. And that is in us.

Of course it's in us because back to evolution as a social species, we needed all that stuff in order to cooperate and collaborate and become the apex predator on the planet. And

Of course it's in us because back to evolution as a social species, we needed all that stuff in order to cooperate and collaborate and become the apex predator on the planet. And

when you turn the volume down on the you know shittier aspects of our nature the good stuff will come out and it's it's it has an edge it has the edge that you want it it does want to create beautiful and important things in the world it does want to take care of you too as well as it wants to take care of everybody it it does um it does want to stand up to injustice

when you turn the volume down on the you know shittier aspects of our nature the good stuff will come out and it's it's it has an edge it has the edge that you want it it does want to create beautiful and important things in the world it does want to take care of you too as well as it wants to take care of everybody it it does um it does want to stand up to injustice

It does want to be tough, but not motivated by hatred. Instead, by the good stuff, which is like giving a shit, caring. Anyway, that's all my experience of how this goes. Yeah, absolutely. And I'm not perfect at it by any stretch. I mean, I made a reference to Liz and Tony who are sitting in the room with us. Like, give them the mic. They'll tell you, you know, 90% still a moron. Absolutely.

It does want to be tough, but not motivated by hatred. Instead, by the good stuff, which is like giving a shit, caring. Anyway, that's all my experience of how this goes. Yeah, absolutely. And I'm not perfect at it by any stretch. I mean, I made a reference to Liz and Tony who are sitting in the room with us. Like, give them the mic. They'll tell you, you know, 90% still a moron. Absolutely.

Sure. I mean, there's this great – I know you know who he is, but there's this great Vietnamese Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh. I love Thich Nhat Hanh. He has this expression about like holding your anger like a baby. I don't love that because I'm such an anti-sentimentalist and I – I find it like somewhat annoying, even though he's completely right. He's a genius or was a genius. He passed recently.

Sure. I mean, there's this great – I know you know who he is, but there's this great Vietnamese Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh. I love Thich Nhat Hanh. He has this expression about like holding your anger like a baby. I don't love that because I'm such an anti-sentimentalist and I – I find it like somewhat annoying, even though he's completely right. He's a genius or was a genius. He passed recently.

There's something to that. First of all, the anger is trying to tell you something. In my case, it's like some infantile, usually desire to protect myself. And often it's sometimes anger has been described as a secondary emotion. So it's an emotion that's covering up for another emotion. And in my case, it's usually fear. So I'm a guy and we don't like to admit fear.

There's something to that. First of all, the anger is trying to tell you something. In my case, it's like some infantile, usually desire to protect myself. And often it's sometimes anger has been described as a secondary emotion. So it's an emotion that's covering up for another emotion. And in my case, it's usually fear. So I'm a guy and we don't like to admit fear.

And often if I look closely, if I hold the anger like a crying child, If I get over myself and do the thing that the wise person has mentioned that we should probably do, I actually see, oh, yeah, I'm scared of something here. And that's really helpful because then I can respond wisely to the thing that's making me angry slash scared rather than reacting blindly.

And often if I look closely, if I hold the anger like a crying child, If I get over myself and do the thing that the wise person has mentioned that we should probably do, I actually see, oh, yeah, I'm scared of something here. And that's really helpful because then I can respond wisely to the thing that's making me angry slash scared rather than reacting blindly.

There's a difference between healthy anger and destructive anger. Again, this is not my insight. This is the way in psychological circles they talk about it. that can get you off the couch to do something about a problem. And it's clarifying it. Healthy anger can help us see clearly where somebody's full of shit.