Betty Guadagno

Like it was my job.

I wanted everybody to hurt as deeply and badly as I hurt.

And so I went around causing mountains and mountains of harm to other people.

And in my life review, I was feeling that.

I was feeling all of the pain that I had inflicted upon other people.

And it was tremendous.

It was agonizing.

And then I went into all of these other life situations.

Like I went into my parents' suicide from their perspective, like literally through their eyes.

I saw them making the decision, driving to the pharmacy to pick up their refills, going back to the house, taking fistful after fistful of pills.

And, you know, as their bodies were dying and I experienced all of it and the mental angst that they were going through was so, I mean, there's no words for it.

It was devastating.

And then I started to experience what felt like a collective life review.

It was like every experience that's ever happened on earth.

And it was all being downloaded into my head all at once.

So starvation, war, the joy of music, you know, like love, marriage, children, childbirth, the death of a child, like every experience that's ever happened here was being downloaded into my mind all at once.

And, but all I could really focus on was all the pain.

There's just so much pain.

There's so much darkness.

And so I thought that maybe I had died because I was seeing a lot of dead people in this vision.