Bill Burr

But I would do it smiling, right?

Hey, Woody, why don't you shut the fuck up or you know, say no, fuck it.

No, I don't need to do that because I'm talking, right?

See, I'm like, I'm too fucked up to be able to do it.

You know what I would have?

I would have a puppet.

It would be a woman and she would just be mad at me.

And she wouldn't be looking at me the entire time.

She'd just be looking the other way, shaking her head.

And I would just explain to the crowd what I felt I did wrong, which would get her to start to look at me.

But then when I started to say what she did wrong, she would be rolling her eyes and shaking her fucking head.

You know, rolling over.

You know what my wife hasn't done in a long time because I've learned how to not be an asshole?

Is back in my asshole years, way back in November.

When I would piss my wife off in the car.

If it's a little thing, she'd give me shit back.

But if I really bothered her.

She would do this thing where she would just cross her arms and she would look out the window.

And then I was just like, well, there you go, Bill.

Perfectly good day.