Bill Eddy

And that is people with personality disorders and high conflict personalities don't seem to go through the five stages of the grieving and healing process. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, sadness, and acceptance. They seem to get stuck at denial and anger. So what happens is they don't resolve things. They don't, quotes, get over things. They don't get over the divorce.

They don't get over the job loss. They don't get over having to sell their house because they couldn't pay the mortgage. They don't experience the normal human healing and grieving process. So they're stuck. And so a lot of situations with them turn to anger. They're angry. but they're not resolved. So high conflict people are constantly talking about the past and how aggrieved they are.

They don't get over the job loss. They don't get over having to sell their house because they couldn't pay the mortgage. They don't experience the normal human healing and grieving process. So they're stuck. And so a lot of situations with them turn to anger. They're angry. but they're not resolved. So high conflict people are constantly talking about the past and how aggrieved they are.

They don't get over the job loss. They don't get over having to sell their house because they couldn't pay the mortgage. They don't experience the normal human healing and grieving process. So they're stuck. And so a lot of situations with them turn to anger. They're angry. but they're not resolved. So high conflict people are constantly talking about the past and how aggrieved they are.

They shouldn't have done that to me. I was right to have done this. And people start noticing, when I say that, like students in my class, oh yeah, that's what I see. They keep repeating themselves. And they go to as many people as they can and tell the story. I believe they're trying to grieve and heal, but they don't have the mechanism. And I don't know exactly why.

They shouldn't have done that to me. I was right to have done this. And people start noticing, when I say that, like students in my class, oh yeah, that's what I see. They keep repeating themselves. And they go to as many people as they can and tell the story. I believe they're trying to grieve and heal, but they don't have the mechanism. And I don't know exactly why.

They shouldn't have done that to me. I was right to have done this. And people start noticing, when I say that, like students in my class, oh yeah, that's what I see. They keep repeating themselves. And they go to as many people as they can and tell the story. I believe they're trying to grieve and heal, but they don't have the mechanism. And I don't know exactly why.

So I'm hoping someday neuroscience will figure out what connection is missing and can we give people that so that they can grieve and heal. Well, what that means is if you focus on emotions, you're focusing on an area that's unresolved and has a lot of hurt. And so if you say, well, how do you feel about that? They almost always say, I feel terrible. I suggest not saying, how are you doing today?

So I'm hoping someday neuroscience will figure out what connection is missing and can we give people that so that they can grieve and heal. Well, what that means is if you focus on emotions, you're focusing on an area that's unresolved and has a lot of hurt. And so if you say, well, how do you feel about that? They almost always say, I feel terrible. I suggest not saying, how are you doing today?

So I'm hoping someday neuroscience will figure out what connection is missing and can we give people that so that they can grieve and heal. Well, what that means is if you focus on emotions, you're focusing on an area that's unresolved and has a lot of hurt. And so if you say, well, how do you feel about that? They almost always say, I feel terrible. I suggest not saying, how are you doing today?

Because the answer I get is terrible. You know what she did yesterday. You know what he did last week. So instead, do small talk. Do it about anything except about how are you feeling today. So don't ask how you're feeling. Focus on thinking and doing. And an example I teach lawyers and mediators is don't say, how do you feel about that proposal? Say, what do you think about that?

Because the answer I get is terrible. You know what she did yesterday. You know what he did last week. So instead, do small talk. Do it about anything except about how are you feeling today. So don't ask how you're feeling. Focus on thinking and doing. And an example I teach lawyers and mediators is don't say, how do you feel about that proposal? Say, what do you think about that?

Because the answer I get is terrible. You know what she did yesterday. You know what he did last week. So instead, do small talk. Do it about anything except about how are you feeling today. So don't ask how you're feeling. Focus on thinking and doing. And an example I teach lawyers and mediators is don't say, how do you feel about that proposal? Say, what do you think about that?

Could you picture doing that? How could you do that? How could that work for you? Because if you focus, how do you feel? I feel insulted. I feel abandoned. And then they drown in that. And next thing you know, you've lost them. So avoid emotions. Don't focus on emotions, but acknowledge emotions. Say, I can see your frustration. Now here's how I can help you today. The fourth is don't use names.

Could you picture doing that? How could you do that? How could that work for you? Because if you focus, how do you feel? I feel insulted. I feel abandoned. And then they drown in that. And next thing you know, you've lost them. So avoid emotions. Don't focus on emotions, but acknowledge emotions. Say, I can see your frustration. Now here's how I can help you today. The fourth is don't use names.

Could you picture doing that? How could you do that? How could that work for you? Because if you focus, how do you feel? I feel insulted. I feel abandoned. And then they drown in that. And next thing you know, you've lost them. So avoid emotions. Don't focus on emotions, but acknowledge emotions. Say, I can see your frustration. Now here's how I can help you today. The fourth is don't use names.

Don't label people. Don't say you're a high-conflict person. And lawyers do that to motivate their clients. That doesn't work. Don't say you have a personality disorder. You may be wrong, and that never motivates anybody. So that's the four forget about it. So that's key stuff for people to avoid. So that was a long answer. But when you're ready, I have four simple tips for things to do.

Don't label people. Don't say you're a high-conflict person. And lawyers do that to motivate their clients. That doesn't work. Don't say you have a personality disorder. You may be wrong, and that never motivates anybody. So that's the four forget about it. So that's key stuff for people to avoid. So that was a long answer. But when you're ready, I have four simple tips for things to do.

Don't label people. Don't say you're a high-conflict person. And lawyers do that to motivate their clients. That doesn't work. Don't say you have a personality disorder. You may be wrong, and that never motivates anybody. So that's the four forget about it. So that's key stuff for people to avoid. So that was a long answer. But when you're ready, I have four simple tips for things to do.

Okay. I'm so glad you asked that question. So we have what I call the CARS method. And we've actually trademarked this CARS method. connecting, analyzing, responding, and setting limits. First is connect with the person. So someone's angry with you or you're trying to help somebody with their problem. Is connect with them by giving them a statement that shows empathy, attention, and or respect.