Bill Eddy

Okay. I'm so glad you asked that question. So we have what I call the CARS method. And we've actually trademarked this CARS method. connecting, analyzing, responding, and setting limits. First is connect with the person. So someone's angry with you or you're trying to help somebody with their problem. Is connect with them by giving them a statement that shows empathy, attention, and or respect.

Okay. I'm so glad you asked that question. So we have what I call the CARS method. And we've actually trademarked this CARS method. connecting, analyzing, responding, and setting limits. First is connect with the person. So someone's angry with you or you're trying to help somebody with their problem. Is connect with them by giving them a statement that shows empathy, attention, and or respect.

You know, I can see how hard this is. I see your disappointment. I hear your frustration. I can understand. By saying I can, I'm showing I see them as an equal rather than looking down on them. So that's the empathy rather than sympathy. Pay attention. Say, I'll pay attention. Tell me more. I want to understand your situation. And listen some.

You know, I can see how hard this is. I see your disappointment. I hear your frustration. I can understand. By saying I can, I'm showing I see them as an equal rather than looking down on them. So that's the empathy rather than sympathy. Pay attention. Say, I'll pay attention. Tell me more. I want to understand your situation. And listen some.

You know, I can see how hard this is. I see your disappointment. I hear your frustration. I can understand. By saying I can, I'm showing I see them as an equal rather than looking down on them. So that's the empathy rather than sympathy. Pay attention. Say, I'll pay attention. Tell me more. I want to understand your situation. And listen some.

And so what I see all the time is people say, it's like, oh, good, because I'm going to listen to them. They don't have to prove, they don't have to fight to get my attention. And high conflict people often are fighting to get attention because they've turned everybody off. And that's why I teach lawyers and therapists that.

And so what I see all the time is people say, it's like, oh, good, because I'm going to listen to them. They don't have to prove, they don't have to fight to get my attention. And high conflict people often are fighting to get attention because they've turned everybody off. And that's why I teach lawyers and therapists that.

And so what I see all the time is people say, it's like, oh, good, because I'm going to listen to them. They don't have to prove, they don't have to fight to get my attention. And high conflict people often are fighting to get attention because they've turned everybody off. And that's why I teach lawyers and therapists that.

They're going to come to you as much as anything else to get your attention. So let them tell their story. Listen to them. Acknowledge the emotion. So empathy, attention, and respect. Find something you respect about them. They respect the kind of work they do. You respect their relationship with their son or daughter. or you respect their commitment to resolving this dispute. So use those words.

They're going to come to you as much as anything else to get your attention. So let them tell their story. Listen to them. Acknowledge the emotion. So empathy, attention, and respect. Find something you respect about them. They respect the kind of work they do. You respect their relationship with their son or daughter. or you respect their commitment to resolving this dispute. So use those words.

They're going to come to you as much as anything else to get your attention. So let them tell their story. Listen to them. Acknowledge the emotion. So empathy, attention, and respect. Find something you respect about them. They respect the kind of work they do. You respect their relationship with their son or daughter. or you respect their commitment to resolving this dispute. So use those words.

And what's fascinating is I teach this to people who I consult with, and then they come back and say, I did that, and it really worked. The person calmed down. I had one woman who said, my boss was giving me a hard time, and so I'd run into my office to try not to interact with her.

And what's fascinating is I teach this to people who I consult with, and then they come back and say, I did that, and it really worked. The person calmed down. I had one woman who said, my boss was giving me a hard time, and so I'd run into my office to try not to interact with her.

And what's fascinating is I teach this to people who I consult with, and then they come back and say, I did that, and it really worked. The person calmed down. I had one woman who said, my boss was giving me a hard time, and so I'd run into my office to try not to interact with her.

And I said, next time, especially like Monday morning or something, is go up to her and say, like, you know, how was your weekend? Or say, you know, I appreciated the presentation you gave last week. Give her some empathy, attention, and or respect. You don't have to do all three of these. Just any one of these often calms the relationship down.

And I said, next time, especially like Monday morning or something, is go up to her and say, like, you know, how was your weekend? Or say, you know, I appreciated the presentation you gave last week. Give her some empathy, attention, and or respect. You don't have to do all three of these. Just any one of these often calms the relationship down.

And I said, next time, especially like Monday morning or something, is go up to her and say, like, you know, how was your weekend? Or say, you know, I appreciated the presentation you gave last week. Give her some empathy, attention, and or respect. You don't have to do all three of these. Just any one of these often calms the relationship down.

And I remember checking back with this woman a month later and says, guess what, Bill? Now I'm her favorite employee. But she's picking on somebody else, so I gave somebody else your book. But the idea is connect with people. So empathy, attention, and respect. And ear statements, we call it.

And I remember checking back with this woman a month later and says, guess what, Bill? Now I'm her favorite employee. But she's picking on somebody else, so I gave somebody else your book. But the idea is connect with people. So empathy, attention, and respect. And ear statements, we call it.

And I remember checking back with this woman a month later and says, guess what, Bill? Now I'm her favorite employee. But she's picking on somebody else, so I gave somebody else your book. But the idea is connect with people. So empathy, attention, and respect. And ear statements, we call it.